The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

I Can Write About It Now…

I made a promise. Now, I am no longer held to that promise.

She was a vivacious and alluring woman. I thought I was in love. That passed quickly because I know that actions speak much louder than words. Her actions made it clear. Worse, her lack of words backed it up. It was a crash and burn that I predicted about 48 hours before I took it down. We both dodged a bullet, each other. Three months is a good time frame to understand attraction, compatibility, and future potential for a person you’re involved with.

It was my ability to intuit the situation that made me make this decision. I recently tweeted about it:

“The instant she pulls back is the instant he moves on.”

This is serious stuff for guys looking to get their relationship goals met. Never invest more than she does. If you do, you run a serious emotional risk. Frankly, I made that mistake in this case. My error is an opportunity for you guys to learn. There are clear signs of a woman’s pull-back:

  • Fewer texts or phone calls
  • Diminished physical affection
  • Diminished verbal affection
  • Less availability on her part

These might seem obvious to an outsider but when a man is too much into the forest, he can’t see the emotional lumberjacks sawing away at the trees.

I was close to having a tree fall on my head.  This does not make me cynical. I still believe in love. But this experience does make me yet more cautious and circumspect about women.

For post-divorce guys, the bottom line is this: Bail first, bail often.

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11 thoughts on “I Can Write About It Now…

  1. PM,

    It’s little consolation, but I hope this pain passes quickly for you, good sir.
    Be cautious. Be safe.

  2. I don’t think this is specific to womens’ behaviour; I think there are many men who also follow this pattern.

    • True, but remember that this is a blog directed towards men 99% of the time. Saying that “men do this too” isn’t really going to help most of the readers here.
      Just pointing it out.

  3. These might seem obvious to an outsider but when a man is too much into the forest, he can’t see the emotional lumberjacks sawing away at the trees. > well said. thats exactly why i stopped being so hard on myself.

  4. This is gold:

    “Never invest more than she does. If you do, you run a serious emotional risk.”

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      Sage advice. A lesson learned the hard way.

    • JulesK on said:

      To be honest, I’m doing this too (as a woman). I was always a fairly cautious person, but I still got burned. Even when people aren’t actively trying to hurt each other, it’s actually hard to avoid casualties in love… and of course, some people are trying to hurt others, or at the very least, just don’t give a shit about collateral damage. And we can all only afford so many serious burns. I mean, where you actually allow yourself to commit your heart in some real way, making yourself vulnerable in doing so. At first, it hurts, and you tell yourself “never again”, but you don’t really mean it. If it’s not the first time, you might not date for a long, long time (like 8 years for example), but you’re still going to dive in if you think someone might really be worth it. And then, you finally really change. It sort of puts us all at an impasse, but oh well. It’s a bit different for me though, because I’d never do a quasi-relationship, and I think that most women who do are kidding themselves. It seems like men usually can though, and that can be anything from just… doing and saying whatever they have to to get what they want, to actively seeking vengeance on women as though we’re a separate species and we’re all “in on it” (you know, “it”).

  5. Anonymous Reader on said:

    Diminished physical affection
    Diminished verbal affection
    Less availability on her part

    There are married men who can relate to this as well, I am sure. However their options may not include bailing.

  6. Hamster Tamer on said:

    I tried to warn TPM, but he was enjoying the ride, and I trusted that his metaphorical parachute was properly packed.

    To be fair, she was a “keeper” on many levels too, incl. hanging with/supporting TPM during his gruesome surgery and recovery… c’est la femmes, c’est la vie…

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