The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Dating Exercise For Women – Comments

My dating exercise for women has attracted some criticism. This doesn’t surprise me because that exercise doesn’t synch up with the feminine imperative. Given the general level of unhappiness that post-divorce single women have with dating, the exercise is vital and I will stand behind it. These two comments came at roughly the same time and from the same woman.

“We don’t need to put that kind of pressure on young girls, are you kidding. Be for real and be fair. You don’t teach girls that kind of crap unless you are going to teach boys the same thing.”

I’m not aiming this advice at young girls. That comment above is a distraction from my real audience in order to motivate an emotional response. It’s a straw man argument, nothing more. I’m not teaching young people at all. I’m giving information about attraction and dating to the post-divorce demographic.

There is a vast army of concerned individuals and organizations that seek to “educate” young girls about all sorts of social expectations. It can be argued that such an education is much more about indoctrination. I am not, nor ever will be, part of that army. Indeed, the overwhelming majority of my blog posts are directed at men.

“Now instead, why don’t you write an article that tells men that every time they spend time with a woman, to find something good about her, instead of finding something wrong with her and judging her physical qualities the way men so often do women.

Now this comment that I just wrote is the comment to go viral. Please be fair to females!!!!!!!!”

Actually, for too many men, it’s quite the opposite. They ignore a woman’s red flags because they are so enthralled her positive attributes. Men do gauge a woman’s attractiveness. That’s biological so it’s pointless to shame men otherwise. Women’s online dating profiles and advice for women are all about “chemistry”. From the online dating point of view, that’s all about judging men on their physical attraction. This is perfectly natural.

That dating exercise for women is simply a method for women to notice more men, not dating them, simply acknowledging their existence. The post was meant to help post-divorce single women with their dating frustrations. I won’t change my approach. I won’t change my editorial approach to make things “fair”. Life isn’t fair.

I am truthful when I write a blog post directed at my women readers. Fairness is a very subjective term. Fairness is actually a difficult concept to apply given that men and women are so different on so many levels, especially in the context of attraction and dating.


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14 thoughts on “Dating Exercise For Women – Comments

  1. Me again on said:

    Okay, if men gauge a woman’s attractiveness( according to you), is it okay if we as females also gauge your attractiveness? Usually you males get your egos hurt, when a female says that looks are important to her. What’s it going to be? The rules change according to who is choosing a date. No fair.
    Males often tell females, that we are being too picky and superficial when we choose a guy for his attractiveness. So all along, you were speaking about yourselves too huh? Hey, we gals recognize the huge double standard, it has always been right there, next to the elephant in the room. Silly, silly, infantile males, playing according to your rules, and scolding females for following along.
    Okay, so as a female, I like to choose a male on his tallness and him not having a little 2 inch wee wee. Is that okay if that is what I and other females like to gauge you guys by? Game not funny anymore, is it. You see, if a man has been raised right and taught by his parents and others how to respect a female for her whole self, then yes of course he as a human will look at her attractiveness, but he will also look deeper. Then when she treats him the same way and look at his physical traits, he won’t get upset.

    • Women are going to gauge men’s attractiveness no matter what men think about that, or what men want, or what men do. So men might as well gauge women just as harshly as women gauge men.

    • Johnny on said:

      Sure, go ahead and picks what works for you. The problem is that it sounds like you have fewer options than most of the men that you (and obviously much more suitable women) desire and you are having a tough time coming to grips with this. Well, that sounds like a personal problem, you strong and empowered woman, you! So much for that “fairer” gender…expect men to look passed attractiveness, yet offering nothing beyond any possible attractivemeness.

  2. “Life isn’t fair.”

    Something your generation understands, but my generation feels entitled to everything. Also, the lack of understanding that life isn’t fair started when ‘Bobby’ got a trophy in Little League for sitting on the bench.

    Good post.

  3. girlwithadragonflytattoo on said:

    Sorry Private Man – I think my comment provoked her to say it was targeted to young girls. I was the one that mentioned that it was common for young women to be taught to look for the good in men (all men) in their life. It actually comes from a teaching in the book, The Fascinating Girl, written by Helen B. Andelin (1969)… obviously you weren’t saying that at all. But this was actually something that was taught when mothers would teach their daughters basically how to be feminine and appealing – and how to view men and understand men. Some of the greatest gems of understanding men come from that old book, and its sad to me that society (especially my generation and younger) has lost a lot of that thanks to feminism.

    • The problem with the advice for women to be fascinating to every guy is that they only really find a few attractive.
      I put it to you that women do not consider a man relationship material until they’ve had sex.
      They are remarkably capable of cutting off any interaction with a guy they haven’t shared that with.
      That means, obviously, that until a woman has sex with a man, she can behave as if he doesn’t exist a day later.

      • girlwithadragonflytattoo on said:

        … ? I don’t know I married my husband as a virgin (well, almost, we did have pre-marital sex right before the wedding, but I was very intent on marrying him). So I guess I don’t understand what you’re saying

  4. girlwithadragonflytattoo on said:

    I’m just lucky my mom kept her copy and gave it to me when I was around 12. Being aware of these things when young isn’t bad – I really valued learning things from that book.

  5. I am glad the original commenter came back to re-affirm that she still doesn’t get the point of your exercise.

  6. “Actually, for too many men, it’s quite the opposite. They ignore a woman’s red flags because they are so enthralled her positive attributes.”

    I think that’s a key point that men need to remember, just by mentally tapping themselves on the shoulder. Women also need to grok this too. When confronted with the issue of his commitment, a man’s default position needs to be “no, I won’t commit, unless and until I’m presented with sufficient evidence that my commitment will be beneficial to me.” He needs to be looking for the red flags, and if they are there, she needs to address them directly and why they won’t be a problem (they usually will be).

    A man’s default position should be that the woman needs to prove to him why he should invest anything in her. A man’s default position must be that SHE must qualify to HIM; she must qualify for his commitment.

  7. Private Man, even though you are clear that your target demographic is the post-divorce crowd, the advice to “look for the good” is actually good advice for everyone – younger women included. I don’t know how on Earth your interlocutor finds advice like that to be putting undue pressure on anyone.

    Instilling a mindset of entitlement and a strategy of disqualification first into women is the real disservice. The top echelon women may wind up with the Alpha of their dreams, but it will leave many more in Catville-Spinsterland.

  8. I noticed a long time ago that women are interested in ‘fairness’ ONLY when it benefits THEM.
    When women start talking about ‘fairness’, a wise man starts watching his back and his wallet.

  9. My dating exercise for women has attracted some criticism

    Of course it has. After all, it’s asking women to put some (*GASP*) effort into the dating process, to show that they have some skin in the game, and to show that they’re a little deeper than a half-empty empty thimble. That’s as unforgivable a blunder as holding them accountable for their behavior or demanding honesty from them.

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