This made no sense to me when I first heard that phrase uttered by a young woman back in high school. I hadn’t been trying to touch her, actually. I was overhearing her conversation with a female friend. Since then, I’ve heard that phrase, said by both women and men, many more times over the years. The phrase disturbs me. It seems completely unnatural that a person doesn’t like being touched.
Human beings are social creatures. We need to be together, hermits notwithstanding. The use of touch helps to maintain the social bonds amoungst us. Various cultures have ritualistic touching during greetings such as shaking hands, kissing cheeks, hugs, etc. The feelings conveyed include trust, intimacy, affection, loyalty, love and so much more. Marriages end without touch.
Attraction and dating simply couldn’t happen without touch. Pickup artists (PUAs) are keenly aware of the power of touch as a way of showing attraction and perceiving attraction. “Kino” is the term used when a PUA subtly touches a woman during the attraction phase when meeting. When a woman is attracted to a man, she will often involuntarily touch a man. These initial touches are usually subtle.
When a person admits he or she doesn’t like being touched, it’s a direct statement of some type of emotional problem. A problem that clearly puts a huge barrier to forming healthy human relationships. Even a reluctance to be touched can cause dating and attraction issues. This is one of the psychological issues that post-divorce daters must be honest and introspective about before going back into dating.
This is not a demand to change one’s essential nature. This is an opportunity to break from old patterns of behavior that could very well prevent anyone from reaching relationship goals. Just “be yourself” is bad attraction and dating advice if those relationship goals aren’t being met.