The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

A Dating Exercise For Women (Re-post)

[I posted this just over three years ago. It needs to go viral.]

A fair number of women read my blog and for this, I am pleased. Normally, I write my posts with a male audience in mind. This post is an exception. I want women to read this very carefully and pass it along to their single friends. It’s important.

The biggest challenge is for women to re-adjust their approach to men. Women usually look for reasons to reject a man. They find the bad things first. This results in a lot of frustrated single women. To start the readjustment, I have this very simple mental exercise:

Every time you see and/or interact with a man, look for something good about him. This includes online dating profiles.

It can be something small.

It can be something big.

It has to be something.

Perhaps you see a sweaty landscaper with stained clothes working hard at his job. What’s good about him? He’s working hard. That’s a very good thing.

Maybe you have a male colleague who is not the most attractive of physical specimens. But you notice that he has a very nice voice and speaks very thoughtfully. Those are two good things.

You meet a man socially who has a very weak chin and terrible fashion sense. Yet you see that he has beautiful eyes, broad shoulders, and a great sense of humor. Wow, three good things!

You see an online dating profile with bad photos. The words, however, are well put together and are quite appealing. Good things, indeed.

This doesn’t mean changing your standards regarding the men you date. It only means noticing the positive elements in men. That’s the exercise. Simple, no?

Do this for a week. After the week passes, ask yourself this question: “Where are all the good men?”

Guess what, you just spent a week seeing them with your own eyes.

Feel free to copy and paste this into emails, blogs, forums, whatever.

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27 thoughts on “A Dating Exercise For Women (Re-post)

  1. This is so sweet – and so entirely true! Women used to be taught this kind of behavior as young girls… to actively look for the good in a man/boy. Re-blogging this!

    • Jean( Wildcat fan ) on said:

      We don’t need to put that kind of pressure on young girls, are you kidding. Be for real and be fair. You don’t teach girls that kind of crap unless you are going to teach boys the same thing.

      • LOL you know I just don’t see it that way. I think it’s a beautiful characteristic and hallmark of personal growth to be able to find the good in people you meet in daily life. There is no way this is putting unnecessary pressure on young girls to teach them to view anyone this way.

        There is a strange kind of pressure, however, with teaching young girls that they are princesses that should expect a prince (like all the fairytales and disney movies do now-days). In the movies, the princes barely have any character development at all – there is no focus on the male dreams, achievements, or anything even about him… usually, his name isn’t even mentioned – which is sad. That should give you some food for thought on what kind of things it’s teaching girls (to expect an unrealistic prince, not care a whit about his dreams or expectations in life, be all about themself in their princess fairytale-everything-is-ultimately-about-ME-and-MY-HAPPINESS kind of entitlement way of thinking.

        Or maybe you actually support that.

        But the Private Man’s post is beautiful. Showing that regular guys, men you meet everywhere may, just may, have something wonderful about them yet to be realized is a beautiful thing. Training girls when their young to realize the good qualities in people is helping them to grow into actual WOMEN of worth, not flimsy princesses that expect an unrealistic, perfect prince.

        Thank you for your comment, you’ve proven to me that women are still (mostly) clueless about what men need and what they want. 😦 Sad.

      • Men commit suicide more than women.
        I figure since men and women are equal, women can do with more pressure in their lives.

  2. Reblogged this on girlwithadragonflytattoo and commented:
    This is so good – single women: actively look for the good in the men you see around you (even your family/relatives), but especially in the guys you want to date. Don’t ignore or be naïve about character flaws, but do be conscious of all the good in a man in the dating market. 😉

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  4. You’re exactly right, but it goes against the female nature to disqualify, disqualify, and disqualify, so it is a challenge for some. This technique needs to be paired with efforts to become more attractive (just be pretty and nice, essentially).

    Unfortunately, too many women have not done enough to make themselves attractive enough to men, so the pool from which they are subtracting through disqualification is so small to start with.

    I’ve tried helping out a niece’s friend in this department (she is chubby/formerly fat, very socially awkward, and is a virgin at age 30), but she is still holding out for Joe captain alpha QB1 Lexus Six-Figures Studmeister. I gave up, because she doesn’t want to change and just wants to wait for this guy to land on her doorstep.

  5. Precisely! Every person has something beautiful about them.

    From one of my posts;
    I have thusfar in life been capable of finding something attractive about everyone I meet. I have worked with, learned with, been friends with, and simply spoken to people who are not conventionally attractive. But the acne-faced teenager with dermatitis may have beautiful eyes. The 70 year old man, for all his wrinkles, may have a most shapely chin. The obese woman, despite her overabundance of weight, may have incredibly smooth skin. There are a number of body parts, any of which can led beauty to an otherwise plain canvas of humanity. Well-formed hips and kind eyes. Lustrous hair or a nice nose. Full lips, toned arms and muscular legs…even just the way someone’s face lights up when they smile, or how their laugh spreads warmly over a room.

    If you only look for the negatives in folks (or men in this instance), you’ll always miss out on just how amazing people can be.

  6. Does it mean it’s all the physical attraction? how about when you know each other well and what happens next?

  7. Reblogged this on Smooth ReEntry and commented:
    Wonderful post, as are the comments under the original post.

  8. Below are comments I made on this post. I am pasting again here as it illustrates the need for readjustment. Well, she did say

    I’m an email snob. This is clearly disclosed in my profile. YES, I judge people by their email.

    1. I am biased towards Gmail accounts. If they have one, I am hopeful. If they have Yahoo, I am neutral. If they have aol, I flush them.

    2. There are many women who are passive in conversation. (This applies to online messages of any sort, not just email.) Here is an honest-to-goodness example from last night:

    HER: Hi there
    Nice pics

    ME: Same to you. Your profile is short on content. Enjoying single life?

    HER: Kinda

    ME: Explain. Try three sentences please.

    HER: Just came from work and tired

    ME: I understand. Well, let me know when you work your way up to three. Like this.

    HER: Ok

    In this example, neither one of us are going to win awards for being great conversationalist. But, she contacted me first. I replied. When I asked her if she was enjoying single life, that was her chance to engage my mind and pique my interest. She didn’t. Between her profile and her email, there needed to be an icebreaker topic in there somewhere.

    (By the way, my profile is full of icebreaker topics, making it easy to start a conversation. You just can’t tell from Ms. Personality above.)

    Anyway, we both get an ‘F’ in the flirting department with the above conversation. It wreaks of two people going through the motions but not actually trying. To have success in online dating you have to actually TRY. You have to FLIRT. I’m guilty of not doing this and Ms. Personality above certainly is.

    PS: I suppose she did say “nice pics”. But this is the phenomenon Private Man mentions in action….(correct me if I’m wrong.)

  9. tarzanwannabe on said:

    This approach would be a popular as diet & exercise.

  10. terrific post! forwarded to my daughter….

  11. Before I stumbled upon this post, I did something like this, but instead, I randomly picked a few dating profiles which made me smile and emailed and let them know why it made me smile. I did this without having any expectations to hear back from them, because due to geographical reasons, I know there is very little possibility they would have interest in me. I feel good just complimenting them and hopefully it made them smile too.

  12. haha I need this. I am so critical.

    A blog of good sense

    Although I am kinda doing this with my second date coming up…. and I am even more encouraged to do so now!

    http://theredlandrapscallion.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/being-amelia-or-the-unbloggable-date/

  13. The only thing to be careful of is that some of the seemingly “cuddly nerds” that you may really start to like can be stone cold players too. For women who linger too long on the obvious players, this is great advice, though. There’s more layers, though. What you really need to watch for is whether he seems to be giving “crumbs”. You shouldn’t be constantly wondering “does he even freaking *like* me”? In fact, you should rarely, if ever be wondering this, and he should hopefully feel similar warmth from you. Pretty sure that’s what it’s supposed to look like now.

  14. Jean( Wildcat fan ) on said:

    Now instead, why don’t you write an article that tells men that everything they spend time with a woman, to find something good about her, instead of finding something wrong with her and judging her physical qualities the way men so often do women.

    Now this comment that I just wrote is the comment to go viral. Please be fair to females!!!!!!!!

    • It’s precisely because males are fair to females by not pressuring them, that females now have the complaint “where are all the good men?”
      Like George Bush said “when you have so many options, you have no options at all”.

    • Shaun H on said:

      The men that the private man is addressing have been conditioned to worship the ground women walk on. Most so called men’s help sites (think good men project) exist to shape men into something acceptable to women. The message is that our natural state isn’t good enough.

  15. Pingback: Dating Exercise For Women – Comments | The Private Man

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  17. Complaining that skirt ignore virtuous but boring men is a bit similar as when skirt complain that men ignore fat or old women.

    Shaming (what chicks do) or asking that they rationalize it (what guys do) gets you no where fast.

    Girls – Stay slim and sort a top man out before you hit 30.

    Guys – Don’t be a mop head. Get a bit of game.

  18. Pingback: Ladies, Compliment Him | The Private Man

  19. Reblogged this on Notes From a Red Pill Girl and commented:
    Ladies, if you are looking for a good man and are finding one hard to find, read this post! Good, good advice!

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