The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “October 15, 2014”

A Very Revolutionary Statement

Men and women are different. The two sexes are so different that I’m amazed our species manages to reproduce! Our bodies are different. Our brains are different. Our blood chemistry is different. The way we experience the world is different. Our attraction points are different.

There. I said it.

I know what you’re thinking right now: “But Private Man, that’s obvious!”

It’s not obvious because a certain social ideology is vilely creeping into attraction and dating expectations. That ideology states that men are women are much more alike than different, that they should ignore obvious biological and behavioral differences in the context of attraction and dating. The men are encouraged to embrace their “feminine” side in dating and relationships while women are urged to be tough, strong, and independent, like a man.

By acknowledging that men and women are indeed different, it’s a push against the creeping tide of social “justice” in the attraction and dating game. Attraction isn’t a choice, it’s something that is very private that happens between our ears. In the public space we nod our heads in sage agreement that the sexes need to be more alike. But in private, away from the ideologues working hard to sabotage natural behaviors based on sex, we do what we want.

As an aside, I resist using the word “gender” because it’s been co-opted by those on the social fringes who are stubbornly ignorant about the differences between the sexes. I will never say “amongst the genders”! Quarrel on the fringes, I write for the rest of us, that vast silent majority cowed into parroting back the politically correct nonsense of social expectations regarding attraction and dating.

By fully accepting that men and women are different, many attraction and dating double standards disappear or minimized. It is important to state again that I’m speaking strictly about attraction and dating. What happens in other socio-cultural contexts – workplace, politics, law, education, church – is far beyond the scope of what I address. There are writers and cultural commentators far more equipped and far more enthusiastic regarding those cultural spaces.

Here’s an example of a dating double standard that is eliminated when we acknowledge the differences between men and women: Men paying for early dates. In the standard dance of Courtship Lite!, the man pays. He is the protector. This is biology in action, even if at a waterfront bar. The woman is the receiver of that protection. The simple act of a man paying for an early date is a gesture, if however modest, of that protection. Yes, there are exceptions, there always are.

I was recently invited on a first date and the comely lady who was quite happy to pay because she knew that she was breaking from standard protocol by inviting me and that meant she had to break from standard protocol by paying. It was a great date because of the mutual understanding that in this particular case, things were a bit different. Will this cause a problem down the road? Perhaps, but by accepting that invitation and her willingness to pay, I was willing to take that risk. This is a somewhat more formal process of dating that my younger readers will not likely understand given the realities of Tinder and hooking up.

The French wonderfully say “vive la differance!” I am no Francophone but that phrase is quite apt and should always be remembered when attending a singles event or surfing online dating profiles. Let’s allow men to be masculine and women to be feminine.
Despite the vast differences, we need and like each other. We’re in this for the species.

(That very last sentence is a quote from one of my favorite movies.)

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