The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

The Male Gaze

This is not about the ridiculous politically correct phrase. This is about a concrete tip for men that can be easily followed. Christian McQueen made a very accurate observation about Manosphere blog posts. There’s quite a bit of theory and not much solid, actionable advice that men can follow. Here’s some actionable advice based on my observations of men out in public.

Guys, stop looking down. It makes you look subservient and weak. Look at the horizon or where you imagine the horizon to be. This applies both indoors and outdoors. This certainly applies when you’re sitting having a conversation, Bringing your gaze away from the ground accomplishes a great deal.

Your ability to observe the world increases greatly. This is especially true for watching people. If you’re not looking at faces, you’re missing enormous opportunities for watching facial expressions and seeing the subtleties of those expressions. You needn’t stare too much. Your own subtleties are equally important.

Your overall mien becomes more confident. If your head is up and you’re looking ahead, your posture improves and you can more easily make eye contact with the rest of humanity. Making eye contact is a crucial element of showing confidence. Averting one’s eyes is a very hard habit to break. A big part of that is the message that men must be always non-threatening. Looking directly at another man’s eyes, in some cultures, can be taken as a challenge. It’s not like that here. Here’s a tip – if the other looks back long enough, raise your chin in a greeting and acknowledgement that you have made eye contact. Never dip your chin.

By looking at the horizon, a man is going to improve his posture as he walks. A good posture speaks loudly and well of a man’s general confidence and attitude towards life. As an aside, when a man walks he should keep his hands out of his pockets and never cross his arms nor keep his hands behind his back. It’s simple things like this that make a man stand out in a very good way. This is not theory, this is practical advice than men can start following right now.

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9 thoughts on “The Male Gaze

  1. zorroprimo on said:

    Posture. How you carry yourself. How you walk. If you act and behave like you are ashamed of being you, that’s how the world will treat you. And you will likely get mugged for being an easy target.

    Put on some muscle, dress like a man and not a college student with an obsession for The Venture Brothers, and be proud to be a man.

    Think like Chuck Norris, act like Chuck Norris.
    Think like Matt Damon, put on an apron and watch The View.

  2. Excellent advice. This is something that was stressed a great deal in the public speaking classes I took in college, and even touched on in some of my business courses.

    When you’re standing straight, you show alertness.
    Keeping your head up and chin tilted up slightly portrays confidence.
    Looking toward the horizon makes you more naturally observant of your environment.
    Walking/standing with your arms uncrossed signals an easy, approachable personality.
    Making (and keeping!) eye contact lets others know you’re aware of them. If this sounds too “aggressive”, one can always smile to alleviate any potential tension.

    All very important aspects of body language to remember when meeting and dealing with others. Great post, PM!

  3. All good tips, ones that I’ve been putting to conscious daily use for years. Especially the eye-contact. Averting your gaze is an enormously hard habit to break, but it can be done. Living in NYC, I have ample opportunity to practice just walking down the sidewalk and meeting the eyes of people walking in the opposite direction. The trick is holding that eye-contact once made. And both TPM and Tarnished are correct that a chin-lift and a grin take the edge off any potential tension.

    Oh, and guys, get your damn hands out of your damn pockets, too!

  4. evilwhitemalempire on said:

    Just masturbate to sexual fantasies of having complete control over a woman like that guy in ’50 Shades of Grey’ (and ONLY those type of fantasies).

    Trust me it works.

    A few sessions like that and you’ll find your head being held high INVOLUNTARILY.

  5. Tam the Bam on said:

    The “No hands behind back while walking” stricture can be broken under one circumstance only. That you are a prominent member of European Royalty, or some random brasshat accompanying them.
    Watch them, they all do it. Probably worried about knocking their hands into all those endless lines of drawn sabres, bayonets and halberds they have to stalk past. Or having their rings and watches filched by artful dodgers among the goggling crowds of the Great Unwashed. They also stick their hands in their coat pockets in the most awkward, affected manner imaginable.
    I suppose that’s what makes them different from the likes of us, hey?

  6. Seething Lurker on said:

    This is good stuff. I remember visiting West Point a few years back and being impressed how freaking straight the cadets held backs and necks, even while doing their ordinary activities. Outstanding!

  7. Yeah it seems that posture is has an important impact on your state of mind, as well as how others see you, as this (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091005111627.htm) article states.

    Taking an interest in things that are closer to the sky than the ground always helps because it gets you looking upwards rather than downwards. For instance:
    – cloud formations
    – roof types
    – television aerials
    – windows
    – birds
    – tree tops (e.g. the fractal patterns of different trees)
    – or anything that is at or above the level of the second storey of a building.
    (Source: http://anotherandrosphereblog.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/tips-for-socially-awkward-walking-down.html)

  8. Hamster Tamer on said:

    It’s not ALWAYS bad to appear threatening, to both men and wimminz, and it can produce its own confidence-building feedback loop… but still, best to run that algorithm only when AWAY from your home turf…

    … IOW, you gotta mess with The Borg once in a while, to fully understand the General Model of Propaganda (GenModProp).

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