The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “July 10, 2014”

Some Realities About Attraction And Dating

Ross Jeffries is a seduction educator from way back. His first book on seduction was published over 20 years ago. He had a great quote that I heard on an archived talk show from 1992. When he was asked “What do women really want?” his response was rather brutal.

“I don’t care what they want.”

Before the audience could respond, he continued.

“I only care what women respond to.”

This is the solid crux of the matter. It is the heart of the Red Pill world view in the context of attraction and dating. It is what men of all ages must accept and internalize. There’s a blizzard of words where women claim what they want. Fair enough, but social expectations and polite company compel women to say what they are expected to say. Men must know this if they are to have good dating experiences. The rest of the TV segment is entertaining.

Some more of his wisdom:

“There is what women say they want.

There is what women think they want.

There is what women respond to.

Which one do you think matters?”

This is rather cold stuff but it’s ultimately true. The truth of this is on display in the online dating profiles of women. I’ve read thousands upon thousands of such profiles and the vast majority are not exactly riveting. Fortunately, there are consistent patterns in these profiles. Here is a typical statement in a woman’s profile:

“I’m looking for a decent, honorable guy because I’m tired of dating jerks.”

This is a perfectly reasonable request. Yet between the lines it’s easy to see how the actions and words are not in synchronization. The desire for a decent, honorable guy is what she says wants and what she thinks she wants. But how is it that she keeps dating jerks? Those are her actions in real life and that’s the fundamentally truth. She reacts positively to the type of guys she perceives – retroactively – as jerks. Why are they jerks? It’s very likely that these were attractive men simply exercising their options regarding women. When it comes to attraction, no one wants to be just an option. This is a feature of our species, not a bug.

I render absolutely no judgments on either the woman or the men she’s dated in the past. This is simply the reality regarding attraction and dating. No amount of social expectations or shame can change this reality. Men and women will do what they want even while acknowledging (with words) the problems of the current attraction and dating landscape. Rather than wasting energy of trying to change the world, both men and women can make personal adjustments to better adapt so that relationship goals can be met.

My blog and many other Manosphere blogs encourage masculine self-improvement that goes way beyond the pickup artist systems marketed by thinly veiled hucksters. I focus more on charisma, confidence, competence, and leadership. But some of my blog peers focus on physical self-improvement. Others make masculine fashion the central theme of the blog. The nice side effect of such masculine improvement is that a man becomes more attractive to more women. Note that I said this is a side effect, not the primary goal of self-improvement.

There are far more resources available for women looking to meet their relationship goals. In previous blog posts, I’ve already mentioned the dating coach industrial complex. There are also hundreds of self-help books for women that address attraction and dating. I’ve also had some advice for women. The dating exercise for women  is one of my best blog posts for women. I’ve also got some good stuff at Red Pill Dating blog.

If a man comes to me for advice and I can only give him one sentence, it would be “To learn about women, always look to their actions before accepting their words.” Ross Jeffries knew this and broadcast it back in the day. I’m sure my commenters will bring up far more ancient and similar wisdom. I welcome that. Human beings are remarkably predictable regarding the behaviors of attraction and courtship. Generalizing is not a bad thing in this context because we’re all not actually special snowflakes. To willfully ignore those patterns is the fast track to relationship goal failure and general dating frustration.

OK, time for the comments – “I’m not like that” or “I know someone who isn’t like that.” See, I told you that people are predictable!

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