The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

A Fine Feature of True Femininity

A woman of whom I’m quite fond has a remarkable feature to her personality. She’s peaceful. She has a stressful job as an independent (and sole proprietor) businessperson and also has a sometimes complicated personal life. Pleasingly, I’ve never heard her raise her voice in anger. I’ve never seen her sad for no reason. There are no tears for non-existent reasons. She does smile and laugh often and that’s quite attractive. When we’re together, it’s just peaceful and nice, amongst other pleasurable things. Unfortunately, this woman lives well over 200 miles away.

This is an example of a woman who is, to me, almost completely drama free but who still has good emotional bandwidth. I have plenty of examples of her peacefulness in the face of what could have turned incredible emotional drama involving me. There has been none of that drama. There have been hints and a few wry comments yet nothing more than that. Peaceful is an amazing thing in a woman. The masculine equivalent is emotional restraint and non boastful emotional strength.

The women I’ve been close to in the past were never that peaceful. Like stereotypical women, there was drama aplenty and too much anger and sadness. Actually, any anger in a woman is too much anger. Unfortunately, I allowed myself to respond accordingly, many lessons learned. It must be known that anger is simply not feminine. If a woman is going to be angry, she needs to take it outside like she’s about to pass serious gas because the two are the same in attractiveness. Snark is anger’s sarcastic cousin and also something very unfeminine.

I weep for the younger generation of men who must deal with girls (not women) who manufacture drama just to raise emotional nonsense in order to keep themselves entertained and stimulated. That’s cluster B behavior and anyone displaying such behaviors should be completely shunned. Emotional self-control is the absolute hallmark of adult maturity, regardless of sex.

On a somewhat related note, I’m meeting up with a 28-year-old friend in a couple of days to advise him about re-entering the world of dating and to help him better understand girls. I’m also going to ask him about his relationship goals. He’s coming off a relationship with a classic cluster B girl, an attraction pattern of his regarding girls he has had relationships with.. I will advise him to find a healthy, social, and athletic enthusiasm to help him better his emotional frame. I will also advise him to find a girl who is peaceful.

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8 thoughts on “A Fine Feature of True Femininity

  1. Pingback: A Fine Feature of True Femininity |

  2. It could be the distance of 200 miles that keeps it peaceful πŸ˜‰ I also know a woman like this, but because of conflicting work schedules we often go more than a week without seeing one another. It could be in such situations we realize it has to be quality time when we are together and the drama gets set aside.

    • Actually, we started dating when she lived about 15 minutes away. She was peaceful then despite a very stressful living situation for her. However, one of her dogs is not peaceful.

  3. juice on said:

    Yikes! Looked up the cluster b link and this described most feminist career women

  4. “It must be known that anger is simply not feminine. If a woman is going to be angry, she needs to take it outside like she’s about to pass serious gas because the two are the same in attractiveness.”

    I’m a very peaceful person as well, simply because I already believe this. My faith may speak of reincarnation, but even so…our lives are too short each time around for unnecessary sadness and drama.

    I will say, however, that anger is not attractive in men either, and they need to remove themselves from the situation just as much as women do. Perhaps by taking a short walk, that’s what I do. (Note that I’m talking about stupid or dramatic anger in this case. Controlled, justified, or righteous anger should never be swept under the rug…it needs to be dealt with head-on.)

  5. Emma the Emo on said:

    Kind of off topic, but I remember someone saying “anger is taboo for women”, and they just cry when angry. That was interesting. I never felt it was taboo for me to be angry because of my sex. But I felt it was taboo because in that particular country, anger was usually interpreted as mentally ill, evil, inhuman, or something like that. I can understand disapproval of unreasonable anger for silly, dramatic reasons. But here, valid reasons were invalidated. Needless to say, I like my hate and anger – there are things in the world worth hating, just as there are things worth loving. Both are normal, and help me live.

    I agree with you though, and don’t like being angry with friends, relatives or loved ones. Anger is for outsiders who cross my boundaries despite warnings to stop. I just wanted to show how there are times when a woman shouldn’t fear showing anger, but not all times are appropriate. Maybe that’s why some feminists are unpleasant – they hear it’s taboo for a woman to be angry and let is show whenever the feeling strikes, without regard to reason.

    • Agreed, Emma. Very well put.
      Anger used in a dramatic or juvenile way is a ridiculous sign of immaturity…like a toddler stamping their foot during a tantrum.
      Carefully controlled anger that originates from a just cause is a worthy emotion, and is sometimes required to prove that one has boundaries that should be respected, in women and men alike.

  6. wingman on said:

    As the Dalai Lama once said, an expression of anger towards others is a sign of an exaggerated sense of self-importance.

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