The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

The “Lockdown” Factor And More Of My Mistakes

Monday was Saint Patrick’s day. Like many towns, there were parties and events and general merriment here in the village. I was out and about with my ugly dog, my hat, and a fine kilt. I was peacocking and I knew it. That established a good frame.

I was at the local convenience story to pick up a snack and spent a few moments with the young woman behind the counter, Nicole. The subject of age came up and I made a comment about my age status. Almost immediately, a woman came from behind the around the counter to within a couple of feet from me. I couldn’t see her because the display of ecigarettes blocked me view. I didn’t acknowledge her until she spoke up.

“How old do you think I am?”

Oh, please. Wow, just wow. Seriously? This is the bear trap shit test that most men happily step in to. She was very attractive, blonde, and in great shape. She looked much younger than her obvious (to me) 45 years old. Her smile was genuine and just about perfect. Her question did not put me off.

“I don’t play that game.” My laughing smirk was huge.

“You’re cute.”

“Damn right I am. Are you local?”

“Yes, I am.”

I extended my hands for the two-handed hand grab and introduced myself. “I’m Andrew”

“I’m Marsha”

“Then we will be seeing each other again.”

Then I made the big mistake. I turned and left the store. I’m not going to over-analyze my reasoning or rationalizing. This was a moment, a moment of attraction, a moment that every man needs to seize. I didn’t. Hindsight is always 20/20. The next day I purposely went back to the convenience store after work to talk to Nicole.

“Do you remember that blonde I was talking to last night?”

“Oh yes.”

“Has she stopped by?”

“No, I was hoping she would.”

“Have you ever seen her before? She said she was a local.”

“No… never seen her before.”

Holy crap, I really screwed up with Marsha. Lessons were learned, again.

“I didn’t even notice if she was wearing a wedding ring.” This was the second time I made this mistake in just a few short days. Learning be tough.

“I looked. She wasn’t wearing one.”

This is key. Having a location on lockdown means that people are looking out for you. Nicole made a point of looking at Marsha’s finger for a wedding ring. She did that for me because she liked me. If you don’t have a location on lockdown, no one is looking to help you. This always requires being friendly, nice, and a fun person to talk to. Those are skills that can be learned.

I pulled a quasi-Hail Mary and wrote my name and number on a piece of paper and gave it to Nicole in the hope that Marsha might return to the convenience store and ask about me. I’m not expecting to see Marsha again. Perhaps she was drunk that night and feeling bold. I know she was seeking validation for her attractiveness and that’s why she opened me with a shit test. Life happens. Life moves on.

Lessons learned:

  • Iron, hot, strike.
  • Lockdown, do it.
  • Never be ashamed to stand out
  • Get a damned dog.

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5 thoughts on “The “Lockdown” Factor And More Of My Mistakes

  1. Personally I think you passed the shit test, you came off from a position of abundance. If you see her again it’s your move. I’ve been playing a long game with a couple of ladies like this for a while now, they are older, but good looking and know it, but are used to men chasing them, I don’t. They bump into me at social events, the cafe’s, grocery stores and I’m always charming/ cocky/roguish with them, then I leave them hanging…. At some point you reach Critical Mass with them and it’s a go.

    That’s one of the joys of owning your town as an older guy. Even women way younger than you that you have positive daily interactions at cafes, stores, the bank etc. have pre-selected you as a “Catch” to any dateable woman in your age range and will pass on information for you or about you without even having to ask. I know for a fact some of the WTY* Barista’s in my town see me as “Damn, if he were 10 years younger I’d….”, and get a kick out of observing me in flirt mode.

    * “Way Too Young”


  2. cheesetrader on said:

    “WTY” 21’s my age limit* – if only b/c I like to go out and have a drink with them. Otherwise….why disqualify yourself?

    Along that line….what do others use for the dreaded “You’re old enough to be my dad!” shit test? I’ve usually just said “Hey – you’re good at math” and gone from there.

    * just turned 50 here

  3. cheesetrader, If they are younger than my Daughter (22) , then they are WTY 😉 I’ve never had that test, but it does go through my head on it’s own…

  4. sestamibi on said:

    Years ago I was returning home to a Midwestern city from a triumphal presentation at a symposium in my field in Denver (which I mistakenly thought would establish my reputation). I was wearing my 3-piece pinstripe and tie and noticed a very hot chick across the aisle several seats back. SHE moved to sit directly across the aisle from me and opened me up.

    The flight conversation went well–at least until I had to own up to the fact that my then-girlfriend was going to pick me up at the airport, which she did. Shit.

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