The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

ABC – Always Be Charismatic

I awoke very early this morning, despite it being a Saturday. My circadian rhythm is well established now. My dog, Lucy the ugly, started making noises at around 7:30AM while I sat and read blogs and tweets to keep up with recent world and Manosphere events. The dog needed to be walked. To be honest, she needed to be emptied. Dogs have a fluid build-up during the night. Those fluids must be expelled outdoors.

Casual clothes donned, with my fine hat, Lucy and I hit the sidewalk. Two or three minutes later, we were at the beach. Here’s a photo for all my readers living in northern climes:


After my dog peed, I decided to grab breakfast at a local eatery. It has dog friendly outdoor seating. Lucy and I got settled in and the server gave me the menu. The server was a tall, slender middle age dame with a fine smile, long hair,  and a pleasant demeanor. It started.

“How are you?” That’s standard pleasant talk required by all restaurant servers.

“I’m perfect in every way.” I said firmly with a smirk on my face. Go big or go home. That’s a lesson from Danny and it’s incredibly important.

She smiled.

“And how are you?” she said as she bent down to let Lucy smell her face. Having a dog has completely transformed my social life here in the village.

“She’s ugly” I told her. That’s my go-to line and I used it four times while I was at breakfast when passers-by on the sidewalk stopped to comment about Lucy. All those commenting were dames.

“Oh no, she’s cute!” All the dames say that when I remark about my dog’s appearance. The lady server smiled at me after she said that and as she stood up. “Can I get her some water?”

“Please” I said simply.

She then walked away to fetch Lucy the water and to let me read the menu. When she returned to take my order and give Lucy a bowl of water, I was still looking at tweets on my phone and wasn’t quite ready to order. No matter, it was time to continue the rapport. For the sake of brevity, I won’t quote the whole conversation, but with some well-framed and brief “casual” questions I learned the following:

  • She was a local
  • She was originally from California
  • She left a bad marriage to start a new life here in south Florida.

She is educated (red flag: a middle aged restaurant server – it’s a nice place, but not fancy – with a good education is quite the contrast).

I told her that I wanted an omelette but then quickly changed the conversation.

“I’m going to call you Claire because you’re probably hiding from your ex.”

She laughed. “No, my ex knows where I am. I’m Nicolette”

“No, I’m sticking with Claire.” She smiled and left to give my food order to the kitchen. I’m fully conscious of my frame and what I’m doing. Christian McQueen talks of having clubs on “lockdown”. This means knowing the people who work there and being confident in your sense of place at a particular location. For him, those are particular nightclubs. For me, it’s my village (Lauderdale-By-The-Sea, Florida) and all the businesses there. Such a lockdown is incredibly important for a man’s frame in a social context.

When she returned with my food, I used another of my go-to lines when wanting a date with a dame. It has worked almost every time.

“Claire, we’re going on a date.” You younger folks have no idea what a “date” is. Folks my age know what I’m talking about. As well, getting the date is not about asking, it’s about telling. The man takes the lead. He doesn’t ask, he states.

She smiled again. “I’m sorry, I’m re-married. I got divorced eight years ago.” Crap, I completely missed the wedding ring! The power of projection is strong within me. I simply shook my head. Oh well. Regardless I kept my frame and asked her about her working hours. She told me that she works most days and goes to school in the evenings. I asked what she was studying. “Addiction counseling” was her response. “Also, Biblical counseling.” I immediately thought of Sunshine Mary and Dalrock.

As business was slow, she had a few minutes. We talked about Biblical advice regarding relationships and about her Bible-based marriage. She knew all about Ephesians and that a wife is supposed to submit to her husband. She told me that her husband wore the pants but she picked them out. Interesting. She also said that her husband was the head in the relationship and that she was the neck. Someone needs to find her pastor and interview him. I told her about the Christian bloggers who supported the type of marriage that she had. All in all, it was a fine social interaction even though I didn’t get the date.

The lessons are these:

  • Have a place where your feel comfortable, confident, and that provides an opportunity to meet women or bring women to.
  • If a woman is comfortable answering personal questions, she’s either attracted to you of comfortable with you, hopefully both.
  • Charisma starts the moment you leave your private space and enter the public space.
  • Check her hand for a wedding ring.
  • Get a damned dog.

Here’s a photo of the parking restrictions in my village. A parking ticket is at least $25. This is why I walk. I’ll bet within two years that my town will have dog parking and give out tickets to dog owners whose dogs are parked in the wrong spot.


On a completely unrelated note – I have taken comments off moderation so anyone who has commented before can openly comment without me doing any screening. Be civil, dammit.

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17 thoughts on “ABC – Always Be Charismatic

  1. Pingback: ABC – Always Be Charismatic | Manosphere Me

  2. Only $25? You’re lucky you’re not on Hollywood Beach.

    If you get fined for dog parking it’s your fault for letting her drive.

  3. That was a nice story! And thank you for the link back.

  4. Solid effort. It’s true, charisma is key. Also: being amusing, flirtatious, and a bit fresh.

    What kind of hat do you use?

    • It’s a Panama-style hat but with more loosely woven, beige fibers. I’m now in the habit of wearing it every time I go outside. I need to find a good haberdashery so I can expand my collection.

  5. Owning your town is important, it’s a big plus when you take someone out and the staff of Cafes you frequent light up when you enter the place or give you preferencial treatment. I agree about the dog too, the uglier and scruffier the better. Telling stories about the dog you rescued from the Pound melt hearts faster than the speed of light. My old mutt died three years ago, three months before my X left for her new “Soul Mate”, I’ve just found another one and damn he’s an ugly mutt……

  6. thanks for the linkage. and there’s no such thing as an “ugly dog”. i’d go so far as to say, the uglier, the more likely the dog will make a woman swoon.

    Brody’s pee’d on women in excitement and they still gushed.

    solid post.

  7. Good stuff.

  8. 🙂 I like this one “I’ll bet within two years that my town will have dog parking and give out tickets to dog owners whose dogs are parked in the wrong spot.”

  9. cheesetrader on said:

    It’s below freezing here in Wisconsin. That beach picture was sooooo unnecessary.

    OTOH, the post was excellent.

  10. I had a German Shepherd who used to sprout enormous boners when we stopped to talk to attractive young women….Which invariaingly brought about comments about Dogs taking after their Masters….

  11. Jeremy on said:

    Sounds like you found a good egg if she was able to be so upfront and courteous about rejecting you.

  12. Richard Cranium on said:

    I know that it’s been written that it’s good to challenge yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone. There is something to be said however about eliminating variables and playing a “home game.”

    Being comfortable in your surroundings and having some social proof as a regular at the local spots lets you focus more on the task at hand. You can be more at ease and enjoy yourself. Just one man’s theory anyway YMMV.

  13. Hamster Tamer on said:

    NOTHING wrong with testing the resolve of a wimminz marital bond–esp. when it’s “Bible Based” (aka “former” Carousel Rider is “reborn” via Churchians who convince beta schlub to “man-up” and REmarry said wimminz)… in fact, you’re doing the hubby a favor by, umm, “probing” her. VERY interesting that she used the term REmarry, eh?

    I say keep flirting… stop where your moral line is. Circumspectly find out where you can run into her and the “Biblical” hubby out and about together… might be a whole Chekov play in 3 minutes. 😯

    PS: Dude, we have GOT to start “attending” a certain mega-church near a certain airport… it’s chock full of, umm, “artistic pole dancers”… who have “found Jesus”, but need to be “tested”. 😎

  14. Pingback: The “Lockdown” Factor And More Of My Mistakes | The Private Man

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