The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Gentlemen, Let’s Talk Body Hair And Its Removal

“Manscaping” is a real thing. It gets far more important with age because for many men hair does weird things with age. For example, if you sneeze and your nostril hair comes shooting forth like hirsute fireworks or a disgusting party favor, you have a problem.

Have you seen your ears recently? Of course you haven’t. You’ve got errant hairs there, too. In fact, your body is likely a terrible combination of sasquatch and a porcupine. I empathize. I truly do. The local drug store has some excellent battery-powered devices to help you with nose and ear hair. Buy those devices and use them. They are cheap enough to toss away once the blades get dull.

We will start from the top and move north. The hair on your head likely requires some attention. A good barber will help. If you’re losing your head dome hair, give serious consideration to a buzz cut or shaving it off. Bald is in. If you even think about a comb-over, have a good friend slap you hard in the face. Twice. If you are blessed to have a full head of hair (I hate you for that, by the way), get a good haircut. The 70s, 80s, and 90s are well behind us so you new hairstyle should reflect modern styling but is age appropriate. If you’re over 40, a metrosexual hairstyle will get you another two slaps to the face.

Moving south, let’s address your neck and facial hair. The back of your neck will need attention. You’d be surprised at how much that neck hair can grow. The tough part is fixing it. Your barber can tend to it nicely but there might be some routine maintenance required. This is where you need some tools of the trade and a close female friend come in handy. Since your hair is tough, the standard drug store hair trimming tools are mostly not up the task. Go to a Sally beauty supply store and invest in a professional quality hair trimmer. It’s not cheap. Expect to pay at least $70. Thankfully, you can buy new blades.

A beard is a cool thing to have. While women might claim to hate facial hair, those are only words. Wear your beard with pride. Do bear in the mind that even facial hair must come in moderation. ZZ Top and the Duck Dynasty crew can happily sport full beards because they have other attributes to make up for their long facial hair. You don’t have those attributes. Keep the facial hair trimmed and neat.

As we continue to move south, it’s time to address a part of a man’s body that requires the most manscaping, the back. Because I live on the beach, being shirtless is common. A hairy back is not pleasant. Worse, it’s hard for a man to tend to his back hair conveniently. There are some products to help and but a good back back trim and shave really does require a second person. That hair trimmer from Sally can be just as effective on the back as it is on the head. Using a razor takes all the hair off but can be considered optional, if a bit itchy.

There are professional solutions to dealing with the back hair. Laser treatment and waxing are available. As I’ve not well researched these two options so I will let my readers do their own research. I will say that waxing is a painful option. I tried it. I won’t try it again.

As for chest hair, knock it back. You needn’t shave it off, just keep it under control. This you can do yourself with that professional hair trimmer and one of the guards or adjustments to the blade depth. Technically speaking, back and chest hair is fur. Once it grows to a certain length, it stops growing. You’re not a sheep requiring regular shearing. But still, chest hair and back hair can get unweildy as a man gets older.

Moving further south, things get rather awkward. It’s time to talk pubic hair. Here in south Florida, men trim and shave “down there”. Yup, we’re talking shaving you’re twig and berries. Some years ago, the good folks at Norelco actually started an ad campaign promoting the “optical inch”. That’s the extra bit of penile visibility when the pubic hair is shaved off. Yes, it is possible to use a regular razor once the pubic hair has been trimmed back with the clippers. There’s an added bonus to shaved pubes as reported by several women I know. There are no extraneous hairs to complicate oral sex.

Once the initial manscaping has been accomplished, regular maintenance is required. If you’ve shaved your own head, continue to do so or see the barber if your hair is fuller. Beard maintenance is not that hard. A good scissors and the trimmer will help. Watch the mustache length. Pubic and chest hair can be handled regularly. Only the back hair presents the most challenge. With creative use of dual mirrors and a back shaver, maintenance can be done on your own. It’s not easy.

For you young guys reading this, I’m sure you’re scratching your heads and then dreading the impending body hair of doom. Don’t fret too much because it can be dealt with.

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12 thoughts on “Gentlemen, Let’s Talk Body Hair And Its Removal

  1. Three other problem areas … Nose, Ear and Eyebrows. That damned ear hair is the worst – it is truly one of things that is an unwelcome resident of the back half of your life.

  2. Van Zan on said:

    If you buzz the dome, 3-4 days later, you have some of the freshest, softest hair on your head. Women will ask to rub it (or lick it in the case of one particularly forward lady) Just ease up on the shampoo. You really don’t need it, and it’ll dry out your scalp. Other pluses include being able to do it yourself, keeping cool, and never worrying about how it looks. Just watch for the sunburn on the scalp when you first do it.

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      It’s an unfortunate consequence for some in middle age that your hair will go. I had waist-length hair at one point in my 20’s so it was a little rough when mine stared to thin. But like PM addressed above you need to embrace it and not wallow in it.

      I buzz my own head now and it only takes a few minutes once a week. You do need a hand mirror to get the back properly and switching to body wash for hair and body has really helped with the dry scalp issues. Took a little adjustment initially and my head is colder in the winter. However I got nothing but compliments after I took the plunge hell even a lesbian friend said it was sexy!

  3. Hamilton on said:

    A good barber will trim those eyebrows for you, mine even does ear hair. No extra charge.

    Hair is creeping onto my back. Pissing me right off. WTF. My wife will trim it when she touches up the back of my neck.

    My chest hair grows in a weird swirl pattern so if I don’t cut it back I look like I’ve got a GD swastika between my nipples. Fuck is that about?

    Getting older sucks moose balls.

  4. Hamster Tamer on said:

    TSA thought my 3/4″ long braided nose hair was the fuse to a nasal b*mb! 😯 (Apparently some eggheads at RAND Corp. “predicted” that following the shoe b*mb, underwear b*mb, and breast implant b*mb, soon would come Duh Schnozz B*mb!)

    Nowadays I stay after it, so I don’t wind up on The N*-Fly Listβ„’

    * I sure hope the ‘*’ fools Duh NS-hey…

  5. i ain’t trimming shit. i’m a man, and i have hair. however, i do keep my situation neat and trim.

  6. Beards are a feature of men in winter. Most people mistakenly think they are warm, like a scarf. That’s not necessarily true. They’re insulation. They block wind and they allow your jaw some comfort against cold weather. It’s like going from a generous 2 inches of hair on your head to a buzz cut. It helps to shower in cold water and sometimes even sand the edges gently in the beginning to keep it from getting scratchy. Women are obsessed with it. Gorgeous girls whose names you don’t even know will grab you by the chin, look you in the eyes, and tell you that you should probably shave it off. It’s a sh*t test, and the reason I keep mine thick even when I’d prefer to shave it. No beard and stubble is easy. No combing, gentle trimming, sleek refinement. Beards require care and consideration as well as mental mettle. A self-conscious man with growth about the chin is a neckbeard. A confident man with a beard is a warrior (from ancient Germanic and Norse kings to Civil War generals).

  7. Fred Flange, Dark Magus on said:

    If you’re starting to thin out on top but don’t want to go Yul Brynner just yet, Rogaine for men is an option, but the main point is: it’s not for growing hair. It does, but only so much, and big-time hair re-growth only happens like 30% of the time. What it is really good for is KEEPING WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT. Only downside: you must apply it every day to the balding part, for the rest of your life, to truly keep the remaining hair (assuming you never decide to do total chrome dome at some point). Also, I can vouch for the coolness factor of a well-maintained beard.

  8. I rock the back combover! But seriously, who cares. Men have hair. If you’re a man and act with confidence no one will care about a few stray hairs. Women will rationalize anything if they like you.

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