The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “December 18, 2013”

Dating Advice Gone Bad

I usually don’t criticize dating coaches directly. I support all successful dating coaches because they are performing a valuable social function, especially in regards to educating their clients about the essential truths regarding attraction and dating. A successful dating coach is an excellent counter-balance to the vast amounts of politically correct (and damaging) dating advice that permeates the media and Internet like a lethal virus.

Through the miracle of Twitter, I was alerted to the most recent blog post from Miss Solomon and her dating coach business, “The Dating Truth”. The title of the blog post says it all, “WE SHOULD ALL BE FEMINISTS IN DATING”. Her full post is here. Overall, the blog post is rather disjointed. The lengthy quote in the beginning of Miss Solomon’s blog post is simply feel-good stuff with the purpose of making the female readers, well, feel good. You go, grrl! It has little to do with the reality of attraction and dating.

For the rest of her blog post, my comments are in boldface. I’m keeping my tone as reasonable as possible because I’m sure Miss Solomon means well, she’s simply lost her focus on this one post because many of her other blog posts are truthful and reasonable.

In dating, women are incredibly apologetic. We’re sorry when we react emotionally, we’re ashamed when we’re single at a certain age and we compete for men who let us humiliate ourselves in the name of love.

There’s nothing wrong with being apologetic. That’s a sign of humility, a wonderfully attractive feminine characteristic. Sometimes, women do get too emotional and apologies are important. Practicing emotional self-control is the best tactic. Emotional self-control is the hallmark of a mature adult. Finally, women do compete for the most attractive men. This is a firm reality of Dating 2.0 and the nature of attraction. Not liking that is like not liking the sun rising in the East.

Why?

Women don’t see themselves as equal to men in dating. We have conditioned ourselves to believe that we are chosen by men and we have to do everything we can to be “his choice” and when we’re not we find ways to apologize to the world for it.

Women and men are so different that equality in the context of dating is pointless, frustrating, and self-defeating. There is no “conditioning” The attractive men certainly do the choosing in regards to relationship commitment. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. This is biology. This is DNA. This is not “conditioning”.

Adding a little feminism in dating isn’t about the woman paying for the date. It doesn’t mean women should ask men out more often or have sex casually. Being a feminist in your love life means giving both sexes the right to want and participate in a loving relationship.

Miss Solomon needs to dial down the hypocrisy. She demands equality in one breath and then appeals to natural gender behaviors in the next breath. She must pick one. Men will find that consistency quite appealing. Better still, men will happily pay for the first few simple dates if the woman understands and embraces her femininity (call the PC police!).

Miss Solomon can either embrace feminism or repudiate it. Given that she is a business-person and her capitalistic endeavors are based on the profit-motive, she must repudiate (diplomatically) feminism. If not, she can write for XOJane and wallow in the filth of that website’s political correctness. That won’t be so good for business.

Start to view a man as a partner and not the master of your marital destiny. It’s not the complete responsibility of the woman to be good enough, or make the relationship work or to compromise more.

Let’s be honest, men are the deciders, the selectors, the choosers when it comes to relationship commitment. With that in mind, it is the woman’s responsibility to be good enough. It is she who must bring something to the dating and relationship table if she wants to fulfill her relationship goals. This becomes more and more important as men and women age.

I understand the nature of marketing. Every dating coach and PUA “systems” dude has to deal with it. This is why I cut a lot of slack regarding those marketing messages: “Three simple tricks to [make him commit… three simple tricks to get her into your bed]” I have signed up for many email marketing campaigns and such messages are common. This is business, nothing more.

I do hope that Miss Solomon is successful and that her blog post was an unfortunate exception. She has a business and she is financially bound to give successful attraction and dating advice. She might not like it. Her clients will not like it… but the truth always wins out.

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