The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

The Power Of Public Speaking

A recent comment over at the The Red Pill (Reddit) reminded me about the value of social confidence:

…when I was 28, I was speaking at a conference to MBA students. I was a professional talking about my industry to the students. After I gave my talk, I met a hot 23-year-old girl who was there (easily the best looking girl out of the 200 people there). We chatted a bit and I simply asked her out and she said yes.

There are a couple of take-away lessons here:

1. Being asked to speak in front of people is the highest form of social pre-selection possible. It’s a clear testament to a man’s expertise and confidence.

2. The follow up confidence this man showed when securing the date flowed from his willingness to speak in public.

However, if this is to work, it’s absolutely vital that a man has good public speaking skills. These are skills that can be learned through an organization like Toastmaster or taking drama classes (seriously). Voice, eye contact, verbal pacing, subject matter, etc., are all elements of public speaking that a man can learn through instruction, observation, and practice.

As an extrovert, I thoroughly enjoy speaking in front of people. But I have the advantage of experience teaching for several years in an adult vocational capacity as well taking stand up and improvisational comedy classes. And yes, I am bombastic as fellow Manospherian, Dagonet, pointed out after he met me last year. Thanks chum! I actually embrace that description.

I won’t project my love of being in front of people on to all my readers. But I do urge that men – especially introverts – make a point to speak in front of people at every opportunity. This could include meetings, sales presentations, volunteering to give classes/seminars, almost anything. Here’s a small trick when out with the guys – offer a toast and back it up with a very short, impromptu speech.

There is a history of oratory in our civilization. The general population of men are losing those skills. If you watch a charismatic pastor giving his sermon, you’ll see the continuation of that history of oratory. Such preaching is the zenith of public speaking and very few men will attain that. However, every man should have at least some of those oratorical skills.

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12 thoughts on “The Power Of Public Speaking

  1. I agree – but I also have never had a problem speaking in front of people, either in a professional presentation, large group meeting or small gathering. I’ve always had complete confidence in ability to be articulate and knowledgeable within a professional setting. It’s always interesting, because I do lots of stuff virtually in my day job, that when I’ve meet people in person, they mention how they thought I was “taller” (I’m not short, just average) – so you can project yourself “bigger” even over the phone.

    But it all stems from self-confidence. I can’t stress enough, that Self Confidence trumps everything – looks, money, body, what you’re wearing, what you drive, knowledge. Start there in your self improvement – because it’s at the center of improving almost everything else.

  2. Let me challenge this.

    I coincidentally do have an MBA from one of the top schools (I will be the first to admit it was a waste of time but at least I didn’t pay the tuition for it) and I have absolutely no issue doing presentation in front of big crowds (not look for it, but if someones has do to do it, I will do it. In fact, in many ways it is easier to do than small group presentations or one on ones.

    Does it help me in dating? Absolutely not. The setting is so different and the skills do not transfer, at all.

    • It’s a good challenge and your comment has revealed a critical flaw in my blog post. I failed to make a stronger connection between confidence gained through public speaking and how that works for dating. It’s not a direct connection in terms of verbal and skills. Giving speeches to a date is a bad idea.

      This is about a man’s overall emotional frame and how women perceive that frame. Public speaking gives a man confidence. This impacts his emotional frame in a very positive way. Women perceive that positive emotional frame and are attracted to it. I hope this clears things up.

    • It’s a good challenge and your comment has revealed a critical flaw in this blog post. I failed to make a stronger connection between confidence gained through public speaking and how that works for dating. It’s not a direct connection in terms of verbal and skills. Giving speeches to a date is a bad idea.

      This is about a man’s overall emotional frame and how women perceive that frame. Public speaking gives a man confidence. This impacts his emotional frame in a very positive way. Women perceive that positive emotional frame and are attracted to it. I hope this clears things up.

      • I actually took it as confidence spilling over in other areas, not the “giving speeches skill”. Personally, I can say I have only relatively rarely observed that with me.

        (On a related note, it increasingly seems like what the teaching crowd loves to call transfer learning does not occur all that much, in reality)

      • In fairness I should probably add that I am nothing like the average guy out there

        I repeatedly found that “common sense” approaches does not work for me very well (or that I can vastly improve upon it). It’s just that the whole cluster around anxiety, self-confidence and relationships seems fairly resistant to improvements through rational thinking (I fired more than one shrink over that one).

  3. Hitchens in his book – Hitch 22 – said that if you speak in public that night you will never dine alone nor sleep alone. FWIW

  4. Hey privateman. I am leaving a link here to a really good text on inner game that I think people in the sphere should take a good look at. It is the best and healthiest approach to game I have come across so far and I think the sphere should move in the direction of this sort of thinking around game. The sort of language used is also easier to sell to people.

    http://authenticmanprogram.com/downloads/InnerGameStickingPoints.pdf

  5. Howdy,

    Agree with your post. Speaking in public is a difficult thing but the benefits are legion. As a really shy introvert, I got the notion from a book that speaking before a group would benefit me. So I volunteered to be the ‘reader’ at battalion awards ceremonies. Toastmasters and continuing to try until I was reasonably good in front of a group. Within a few years my ‘job’ was public speaking and interacting with customers. All I did was travel to trade shows & conferences to give a speech or class. It’s very cool when conference organizers approach you to be one of their key-note speakers.

    How does that relate to women? If you’ve got the confidence to speak to an audience of more than a thousand people, and then field their questions; you have the confidence to speak to that sexy blonde and the quickness of thought to keep the conversation flowing. And if I have 10 minutes of conversation with a women, I can charm the panties right off her.

  6. Propranolol (a generic blood pressure medication) has been used by actors to relieve stage fright for decades.

    Prescribing it to relieve anxiety in pressure situations (like when you have to give a speech) is considered a legitimate usage.

    http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2012/04/can-you-treat-stage-fright/index.htm

  7. Pingback: The Power Of Public Speaking Nov 24th |

  8. Richard Cranium on said:

    Not that I recommend it as a career but working retail sales helped me out in talking to people. Had to approach strangers, quickly befriend them and help them buy stuff. Also being a musician and performing on stage helps greatly in being comfortable with being on “display” in public.

    I will agree with the above that one skill doesn’t relate to another even though they are similar. I have no problems talking to people, approaching strangers and saying hi etc. But it doesn’t translate into women finding me attractive and wanting to have sexy time. Can’t really explain it I have a sort of disconnect with the whole situation.

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