The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “August 2, 2013”

Guys, Don’t Be A SNAG

SNAG is the acronym for Sensitive, New Age Guy. There was once a time in our recent social history when guys were expected to “be more in touch with their feelings”. This seemed to be going reasonably well until more than a few women started yelling “where are all the real men?!”. But for many guys over a certain age, the urge to express any and all feelings remained. Those guys suck at dating and too many women still encourage them to be SNAGs.

It’s perfectly acceptable to have emotions. It’s also perfectly acceptable to express them – but in the right place with the right people. What too many men do is remove the filter between their emotions and their mouth. This is how dates are ruined. Gentlemen, I bring news from the dating trenches. You’re talking too much about your emotions on your dates. Stop it right now. And I don’t care about what your dates are telling you about expressing your emotions. That’s a worn out social expectation.

Excess emotional talk on dates is too often expressed by talking about an ex. “That bitch took all money!” Yes, some guys will do this. Nice one, Romeo. You just struck out with that woman sitting next to you at happy hour. Expressing negative emotions is the absolute worst and makes you look damaged emotionally in some way. Save the negativity for your male friends. Your date wants to hear none of it.

The same can be applied to positive emotions. If you’re waving your arms around claiming “that was the best movie, ever!”, you look childish and immature. When asked about something you absolutely love, minimize, don’t emphasize the emotions. “I enjoyed that movie”. “Yeah, I do like watching football” Understatement is your friend.

This does not mean a man can’t be verbally charismatic, witty, or even a bit garrulous. I’m talking about the subject matter of the conversation during the date. Changing conversation topic habits is not easy but is certainly doable.

Being understated and being in control with your emotions in the context of dating also lends to an air of mystery about you. A woman will want to tease out some more emotion from you, hopefully in a good way, without unpleasant emotional shit tests. As well, emotional self-control is a sign of strength and confidence. Your date might later complain to her friends about your emotional “distance” but if accepts another date (actions over words), she’s attracted to you.

There’s a huge caveat here – this is dating and attraction advice, not relationship advice. If a serious relationship commences (yeah, many guys actually want that), I simply can’t really help. This is where someone like Athol comes in. He’s good, read his book and his blog.

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