The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

New Comment Policy

All comments are now going into moderation.

Most of the comments are reasonably thoughtful and add to the general discussion about the content of a blog post. Occasionally I get a hater. There are also some very painful, angry, and unhappy comments from men. I understand those negative comments and that’s why I almost always let them through. Men need a safe space to vent their spleens.

The problem is that the comments are directly affecting my personal life. What my readers don’t know is I have publicly announced on my online dating profile that I am a popular blogger. I haven’t yet posted the actual URL, but if anyone requests it, I give it to them. I did this for two reasons – firstly, to see if the change to my profile results in a better response rate; secondly, to get more local women to visit Red Pill Dating,

Several times since I’ve made the change to my profile, I have lost dating opportunities because women have read my blog(s). It wasn’t my posts, it was the comments. My own relatively optimistic outlook is being associated with the those very dark and negative comments. It’s guilt by association and it sucks. That’s the reality of the situation and as everyone knows, I deal with reality.

So, those very negative comments are impacting my dating life. I can live with that to a point. However, my two blogs are now more closely linked so that means any comment-driven negative perceptions of this blog and me as a person are also applied to Red Pill Dating, part of my livelihood. That’s intolerable to me. Guy code clearly states that one man never messes with another man’s livelihood, even if unintentionally.

I have to address this. I have the option to disable commenting completely. This will cause a serious hit to my traffic. Since this blog doesn’t generate any advertising revenue, I can live with that but my ego, less so. This is the thermonuclear solution and I don’t want to go there.

So, I have already implemented a less slash-and-burn approach to those dark and sometimes vicious comments. All comments are now going into moderation. I don’t get a huge number of comments and I have the mobile app for WordPress so this is a manageable task. This requires that I delete older comments, a daunting prospect give the over 10K comments I have received. Also, some regular commenters may find their comments moderated out.

So, if any reader wants to make a comment, consider that one of my potential dates or potential class participants is reading it. I’m asking commenters to mind their words very carefully. I do thank you for your cooperation.

There will also be other changes to my blog.

TL,DR: Nasty comments are ruining Andrew’s dating life and potentially his business. All comments are now moderated. For a comment to get through, it better be good and it better be polite.

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26 thoughts on “New Comment Policy

  1. Sorry to hear that PM- Some people have nothing better to do than ruin a constructive forum that us gals and guys rely on for truthful, accurate, and helpful insight.
    Thanks for taking action-I noticed some comments from the last post were way out of line and sounded like middle school minded boys were writing in! I guess it comes with the territory.
    Have a great weekend and again I thank you for your insight and intelligent posts!

  2. I seem to recall one of your commenters recently saying that all the hate, bitterness and woman hating was bad PR and would hurt us in the long run….

    oh yeah, it was me. Told ya so. Good luck with the dating, brother.

  3. Good call. I’ve been blogging for a few months and it has become quite popular. I’ve generally had a really positive response from lovely people. However, recently I’ve started to get unwanted requests for my Facebook I.D. from a guy who was quite persistent, so all comments I receive now have to be approved first.

    I haven’t told many of my friends I have a blog, mainly because I can then write about what I like. I’m also concerned that if any if them post my stuff to Facebook I would be inviting negative comments…

  4. atahualpa on said:

    too bad, I enjoy the comments here…
    the articles too, for what that’s worth

  5. Pingback: New Comment Policy « PUA Central

  6. Pingback: Odds, Ends, Thoughts, Musings, Reflections and Other Stuff | M3

  7. earl on said:

    Reality states that you have a core set of values and when you test them out in the world…they constantly get stabbed in the back.

    I’ve learned to take both as part of life. That’s why I know I’ll never be the greatest and that’s what keeps the fire going to become great.

  8. you gotta do what you gotta do Sir.

  9. Gawain on said:

    Dear Sir,
    Though you be a man of good character and ambition to whom I would proudly troth my daughter, and I have it on good faith from innumerable beautiful and intelligent ladies (whose bitterest regret in life is that they found themselves unworthy of you) that your member is large and your love-making vigorous, I must interpret your latest missive as a valediction and retirement, which you make in such an indirect manner to soften the devastating blow, like a knight that feigns violence against his loyal wolfhound to give it freedom, because verily his Lady is allergic.

  10. wingman on said:

    Good choice PM. Think of it as a a good quality bar where strangers come to drink and exchange views. When a patron occasionally gets obnoxious, a good establishment will quickly get them out. A bad bar that ‘allows’ fights and bad behavior will eventually only have that kind of clientele. Your blog appeals to a fairly wide group of readers, now with a larger number of women. What could be better than getting your reality message out to a wider group? Allowing in a small number of the angry will not only limit your dating opportunities, but also limit the ultimate potential of this gig you started here.

  11. I hate that my comments will bee screened but in the name of social experiment (online at least), I must welcome the changes. Great experiment though in trying to see if the url linked on your dating profile would produce positive results on gaming online. I sort of tried this before (on POF) but never ran the #’s to see the stats (positive or negative).

  12. Damn reality has this weird way of intruding on our cyberworld.

    I do hope you’ll allow many/most of the negative comments thru – the ability to allow and withstand dissent and opposing opinion is certainly a masculine quality. Plus, those often lead to great discussions.

    Shame a few bad apples lurk – however, it does mirror being public with Red Pill. The vast majority of people I meet are curious, interested, skeptical but accepting. Only a few have been right up in my face about it. I thank them for their time and move on.

    All part of our growing experiences, n’est pas?

  13. Richard Cranium on said:

    Unfortunately the annonimity of the Internet has spawned a generation of trolls whose purpose is nothing but shit-stirring. Every jabroni that has a twitter account or a free blog thinks they have a voice or opinion that the world needs to hear.

    One advantage is now you better bring your A game to participate. I better get it together!

  14. Yep It's Me on said:

    Your blog, your rules. I would imagine this will encourage more comments from the woman and will discourage comments from the Men. Balance of power shift – hope it works out for you – because there”s probably more money in dating advice for woman – they seem to be the real power behind the economy anyway.

  15. Yep It's Me on said:

    Personally, I’d rather see the comments turned off – at least that way, every thing is equal.

  16. Joshua on said:

    I thought men weren’t supposed to let women dictate things to them?

    • If I don’t date, I don’t learn. If I don’t learn, I can’t share new knowledge on my blogs.

      • Yep It's Me on said:

        PM – understand. You opened up the kimono by putting a name on “persona” – understand the decision and I also understand the ramifications. Congrats on your continued success.

  17. There are harsh winds blowing through the manosphere. Some of us have been very, very naughty boys, and are throwing temper tantrums here, there and everywhere. Some of us lost our shit over Mintergate. HUS has temporarily disabled comments entirely. Rob Fedders hung it up. Rifts are opening up over whether self-improvement is good for its own sake or should be done to attract and keep a woman; and over exactly what MGTOW means.

    There needs to be a place where men can speak their minds and hearts, nasty and dark though they be; because there’s just nowhere else for men to do that. But even in the manosphere, some places are off limits for that.

  18. Pingback: Comment on New Comment Policy by Yep It’s Me | PUA Central

  19. JulesK on said:

    Honestly, the comments are a huge part of why I tune into the blog… A certain amount of moderating may make the blog more professional – just not too professional or it will frankly be boring. As for the women you’re trying to date, I’d never date a guy who gave off so much as a whiff of “game theory” or “alpha male” (in the current, frat boy sense of that term) anyway. Women do always love capable men, but that’s an entirely different thing. It’s interesting to me that you share the blog with potential dates. It possibly shows a desire to give a somewhat honest portrayal of yourself to these women… which might mean you are looking for some sort of relationship that isn’t based on smoke and mirrors. Possibly. Anyway, this blog, no matter how toned down, clearly expresses a huge amount of anger towards women (as you yourself have noted), and it would be a deal breaker if a guy asked me out and said “oh by the way, this is my blog”. I would gallop away as fast as my horse could take me.

    • Some women have indeed run away after they have read my blogs. I can handle it. I tell women about the blogs because I really don’t want to date someone who is too steeped in unrealistic and unnatural social expectations to see the real truth of dating and attraction. “Game theory”, by the way, is evolving into something far more healthy for men. So when you meet a confident and charismatic fellow, he might have once been a sensitive doormat of a man until he improved himself through reading blogs like mine.

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