The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Merciless, Yet Casual Cynicism

When new readers emerge and send me emails, I am always pleased. New voices and fresh perspective are necessary for any school of thought such as Red Pill thinking. It’s even more important to have honest dissent because without dissent, that school of thought becomes a blind, dogmatic ideology where only voices of agreement are allowed. As a side note, I ignore personal insults and general mockery because those are the arguments used by children.

For a dating advice blog, PM, you fail because of all the cynicism about women and dating and attraction. A man who follows your ridiculous advice is being put in a manipulative position. You paint women as child-like and unable to resist manipulation by guys with any type of charisma. And why do you capitalize that word in all your posts? That’s ridiculous too. It’s like a cult in here.

I don’t know if a man or woman wrote this email. Frankly, it really doesn’t matter because in honest logic and rationality, the messenger is mostly irrelevant. It’s the message that must be addressed. However, it should be pointed out that I was never attacked personally.

I won’t disagree with the cynicism. It’s quite merciless. Knowing the truth about attraction and relationships, it’s always easy – and usually correct – to size up a situation between a man and a woman and accurately predict the outcome. Such accurate predictions are almost heretical to “conventional” wisdom because this shows that people – especially in the context of attraction, dating, and relationships – are very predictable. But we’re not all special snowflakes, after all. We can easily generalize about human behavior. If this is interpreted as cynicism. So be it.

What is considered manipulative by most is actually a series of logical actions and behaviors in order to achieve one’s goals regarding another. This really does take the shine off romance and courtship and is completely opposed to a romantic ideal that is criminally wrong when attempted into today’s environment of Dating 2.0. A man must know how to truthfully deal with contemporary women and not be met with failure after failure. What the writer calls manipulative, I call common sense.

The accusation that I consider women “child-like” I had to think about and then re-read some of my older posts.  If the email writer is connecting “child-like” as to responding only to emotions, the writer does have a point but bear in mind that I’m writing about attraction and dating. These two things bring up all sorts of emotions in women. They write about it constantly in the single women blogs. I read it in their profiles. I have talked to many, many women about this issue and emotion is the primary theme. It’s all about how they feel about attraction and dating.

Is this child-like? Maybe for younger women in the throes of new feelings about a new guy. For women over a certain age? It’s hardly child-like because these women (hopefully) have a degree of emotional self-control. Also, the email writer might be assuming that I agree with the bloggers and commenters who flat out claim that women are nothing more than big children because of their lack of emotional self control and their solely emotional reactions. I’m not those guys and they are not me. Don’t make assumptions. In certain contexts, grown woman can be child-like. In other contexts, they be just as logical and rational as men.

I capitalize Charisma because it’s that important for guys to have. It’s a social skill set that is on the wane because of men’s social isolation and lack of practice. You can blame technology for much of that. Charisma can be learned and practiced. Red Pill/Manosphere stuff has been accused of being cult-like. Of course, if it were a cult, we’d have much more face-to-face interactions and a Charismatic leader. No, it’s too diffuse to be a cult. Few of us have actually met and no one has stepped up to be a leader, certainly not me.

Keep those emails coming.

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17 thoughts on “Merciless, Yet Casual Cynicism

  1. Well said. The email you received reads as a knee jerk reaction against your advice because the writer most likely never thought about dating and attraction in your (or the ‘sphere’s) terms. What you and many others are doing when you apply a Red Pill perspective to dating/attraction/Charisma reminds me of a phrase called “Making the familiar strange.” It came from my education classes in college, wherein we broke down different classroom actions and activities to explain why and how they worked. It also applied to behavior. When something’s familiar, we don’t tend to think critically about it, but if something’s strange, then we have to think about what it is to try and understand it.

    The writer’s not attempting to understand what your site is about. Being a Charismatic fellow is not about being manipulative, it’s about being persuasive or having a magnetic pull, wherein the other person WANTS to be around you. It has nothing to do with coercion.

  2. Hi PM and friends!
    Wonderful post once again! Hilarious! I’m a woman, age 41, who has recently entered the strange world of online dating and dating in general. As I was searching online for answers to my questions about the mysteries of what men mean when they say such and such a few months ago, I found PM! What a wonderful resource- there’s a human in this world who tells it like it is in a smart and funny way! Sometimes the truth hurts and some can take it and learn while others get “butt hurt”. I choose to learn and adapt so that I can find the ideal partner. Whomever wrote this obviously has bigger issues to deal with if PM and readers are a “cult”! Haaaaha!
    Thanks again PM for a good one- I hope to find a man with half your intelligence and insight.

    Your loyal female follower,
    Kristen 🙂

    • Jeepers, Steeniee… don’t leave your blog moribund!

      • I haven’t had the time/motivation to write. My dating has increased since I’ve spent less time emailing/texting back and forth with guys and actually meeting in the real world. That said, it also takes an emotional toll that I don’t think I was prepared for and I definitely need a thicker skin. After some dates it feels like I’d truly be happier alone with my faithful pets rather than try to figure out what you guys mean!
        Maybe I should resuscitate it, probably good free therapy haha!
        XO to you

  3. Johnny Caustic on said:

    I find it very useful to think of women as children.

    I’d been brainwashed by equalitarianism for so long, I tend to treat women the same as my guy friends if I don’t concentrate on treating them like women. But women aren’t sexually attracted to guys who can’t lead them. So I need an “emotional mnemonic” that I can use to quickly reset the frame and remind myself how to behave without having to get all cerebral about it.

    What I’ve settled on is thinking of any woman I’m dating as my daughter. I have no experience raising children, but it would simply never occur to me to give a daughter the final decision-making authority on how we’re spending our day, or to have hurt feelings and start supplicating if my daughter throws a fit. The great thing about the “I’m Daddy” frame is that I tend to do the right (attractive) thing without thinking about it.

    Properly, I think women are more mature than children, but less mature than men over 30 (whose masculinity isn’t stunted). Men should lead their women, and together they should lead their children. So it’s not strictly correct to think of women as children. But as a mental shortcut, it helps me a lot.

    • Sounds like a winning frame.

      And, just for clarification, what are some of the qualifies of your “daughter” and how to you address them, showing leadership?

  4. “You paint women as child-like and unable to resist manipulation by guys with any type of charisma.”

    When you speak the truth…women or white knights will come out of the wood work.

    Women are child-like…is that a bad thing? I was led to believe everyone loves children.

    Until 1973 that is.

  5. Vicomte on said:

    The problem I have with the ‘women are like children’ meme is that it’s too often used to excuse behavior, aside from being generally inaccurate. We are all accountable for our actions.

    I find it’s helpful to imagine women as more like borderline retarded.

    Sure, they can tie their own shoes, but they’ll probably try to find a way to get you to do it for them. Also, it’s never a good idea to leave them alone for too long, especially in unsafe environments or those involving ice cream.

    They also tend to make annoying noises when surprised or upset, and people are usually very nice to them.

    • You see them as borderline retarded…I see them as evil geniuses.

      Here’s why women are child-like. They use emotional manipulation to get away with stuff…where as a grown man wouldn’t stoop to such levels. I’ve chatted with some ladies around and you wouldn’t believe how easy it is getting for me to have them confess what they do. Lying, stealing, cheating…it’s amazing. They are fully aware what they are doing is wrong…but when their reputation is on the line they will turn into children quick.

      Now children get a pass because for a certain time they don’t know any better…but once a girl has reached her maturity peak brain wise at say 16…that’s where she stays until she marries a mature man. So they know stuff is wrong…and they know how to get out of it.

      So because of this…I now see the benefits of knowing and implementing calculated insanity. Not for my personal benefit…but so that I know what tactics women use.

      Evil geniuses…just like children.

  6. Pingback: Merciless, Yet Casual Cynicism « PUA Central

  7. Pingback: Merciless, Yet Casual Cynicism | Viva La Manosphere!

  8. So which is it you want, women…you want to be treated like an adult and make your own choices. Fine then you don’t blame me or other men for your poor choices. You make your own path in life…don’t go to beta daddy government or white knight judicial system to bail you out. Adults make decisions and take on the consequences. If your choices leave you homeless or caring for three kids from three different sperm donors…you better work your butt off to get out of that situation.

    Women should go with child-like.

    They are going the child route when they are caught in their bad deeds…and they don’t get passes for bad behavior. That is until they go to beta daddy government and white knight judicial system.

    However…if they don’t have any choices for big decision because they follow my lead, then I will accept any blame that comes my way just fine. I’ll be happier in a prison of my own making.

  9. wingman on said:

    I don’t think women are ‘child-like’, but do believe the information they process is through the lens of ‘feelings’. Men have feelings too, but those tend to arise from some concrete fact or action, ie, that beast is trying to kill me, or, that gun pointed at me is a threat. In such survival situations, men tend to hunker down mentally and ‘execute’ in order to live another day. Women’s ‘feelings’ have probably evolved from a higher order of need for survival (and survival of their offspring). Women are the more vulnerable sex. They face a greater risk of bodily harm or worse. In my mind, it’s no wonder they have developed an elevated sense of emotion as a warning system. A man hunkers down when someone throws a punch – a woman is constantly sensing whether the risk of a thrown punch is present. Too me, this is not childish behavior. It’s a defense mechanism. The constant ‘assessing’ of one’s situation is how a woman protects herself. It’s also how she finds that suitable mate – the one with the brains, muscles and resources.

    For a man to have ‘game’ and to understand these elements is, in my opinion, within the fair realm of understanding reality. It’s also likely that a man with game is in truth, probably quite close to the reality of what many women are seeking. It’s just too hard to fake it for long. The natural response would be for women to develop their own filters about what’s ‘real’ and what’s game. My advice to younger women: hey, in case you haven’t heard, guys will try almost anything to get you into bed. Nothing new about that. If you just meet a guy and your ‘feelings’ are all ringing a bell – relax. Take a break. Your survival mechanism should be telling you to wait a bit, and get to know each other better. My sense is that the women who are upset about the advent of ‘game’, probably need to up their own game a bit.

  10. TonyTT on said:

    Pure redpill wisdom for the nay sayers found on a cheaters forum.I will quote what a woman who is cheating on her hubby says as she compares the differences between him and her affair partner.

    “He (affair partner) is a foot shorter. Older. I never dated anyone under 6’2 and he is maybe 5’7 ???? Honestly, he is attractive, but my H is way more attractive. OM is not well endowed – my H , yep yep yep. But as I have said before, what is the point in having a Ferrari without an engine? What OM has is my attention. He is very,very smart and better still, clever. He does not put up with my crap and he has great life experience. I will never be with a man under 52 again. Oh, and he is great in bed and I just plain enjoy his company. Even in our sixth year we have mad chemistry. He likes me as a friend and I him. I care about what happens to him. He is nothing like anyone I have ever been with and he has become my favorite flavor”

  11. What do you think about a woman who has no more than 40 people on facebook and refuses to add more, even colleagues?

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