The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

How Women “Open” Men

“Opening” is a pick up artist (PUA) term for starting a conversation with a woman. However, women can certainly open a man. But as women tend not to be as direct and are risk averse, it will be a more subtle opener and is the start of a rather intricate dance of words and body language to test and tease out information from the guy to determine his confidence and Charisma. It’s important to note that a woman won’t start a conversation with a stranger unless she feels that she’s in a totally safe physical environment.

Only the boldest of women will actually approach a guy directly and show her interest. Note, if the guy is extraordinarily good looking, that will also bring out the boldness in an otherwise shy woman. Physical attractiveness is a powerful thing, for women too.

If the average woman spies a man with whom she has cautious interest, for whatever reason, she might initiate a conversation with an indirect subject. It might be the weather, or the duration of a traffic light while waiting for a light to change, or something are both experiencing together. “This line is too long.” Regardless, she’s initiating the potential for a conversation. This does mean her level of attraction is sky high, it just means there’s potential and she’s gently testing for it.

Such an initiation is risky for her because she knows nothing of the guy, yet. He could be married, he could be a creep, he could be socially inept. This is one of the reasons that meetup.com singles groups and other live singles social events are becoming more popular. During an event, safety is assured and women can watch the men interact socially before any conversation is initiated.

Regardless of the social setting, it’s important that the man respond. In an ideal world, the man would respond with something clever and witty to show he’s got some charm to go along with his social skills. Too many men are either scared in some way or respond with a dull, forgettable comeback. A conversation initiation from a woman is not exactly common and the perfect opportunity for a man to practice a little Charisma even if the woman isn’t his type.

The agree and amplify approach to a comeback can usually work well if it’s delivered lightly and humorously and with a subtle smirk or smile.

Her (while waiting at the grocery checkout): “This line is too long.”

Him: (agreeing and amplifying): “I agree, I’ve been here since last Thursday and my milk’s spoiled.”

Her (walking in a parking lot): “It’s freezing out!”

Him: “Oh, yes… that explains the Eskimo in that Buick.”

As I said before, a woman opening a man is not common. So when it happens, it should be encouraged with some fun, if very brief, conversation. For the record, I urge women to start conversations more.

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28 thoughts on “How Women “Open” Men

  1. It’s good practice to open everyone not just women you want to sex up.

  2. Jack Schitz on said:

    I’m a pretty good looking guy so this has happened to me a number of times. In the past, where I’m interested (and if your not let the girl down easily), I’ve used the following where a woman has come up to me and has been a bit more obvious (context is key here).

    Woman: Blah Blah Blah…
    Me: knowing amused smile and stare at her for just a little to long. “Is that your best pickup line?” Resume knowing amused smile and DO NOT break your gaze. Hold until you see her get uncomfortable and then break into “Relax, I’m teasing you” while touching her arm.

    GAME ON BABY….

  3. By the forces of the universe, they get introduced a lot of the time.

  4. Women definitely could start approaching men more. It would be helpful to them.

  5. i can’t believe you used to do stand up. wait….USED to. ok mkaes sense now. wokka wokka.

    this is why i advocate gaming women that HAVE to open you i.e.-cashiers, waitress’. “so, did you find everything you were looking for?” me (deadpan)- this has been, by far, the greates shopping experience of my entire life. i was looking forward to the birth of my first child….but this can never be topped.”

    works everytime.

    • Agree with this completely. I make it a point to interact just like this with cashiers, baristas, the counter girl at the deli, waitresses, etc., and it pays dividends. After a while, you just naturally go to the slightly over-the-top witty banter without having to think about it. For example, I’ve done this with all the cashiers at my local supermarket and now they know me, smile when I approach their lane. Just last week, facing long lines to pay for groceries, one of the young ladies at the checkout who had her lane closed, motioned me over and reopened (heh) her lane for just me. I thanked her with a grin and said that I wouldn’t want my waiting getaway car to get a ticket…

  6. Factory on said:

    Took me until about last year to realize that women doing this was in any way uncommon. It happens all the time. Making silly jokes / funny faces from across the room, fixing my collar, walking right up and smiling, asking ‘conversational’ questions, etc. My daughters made fun of me until I accepted that this was not ‘normal’.

    I still don’t do much to encourage it though, and haven’t completely wiped the ‘Fuck Off” tattooed on my forehead.

  7. What’s important is no matter if you open a woman or a woman opens you…be interesting.

    How are you? Fine…how are you? Is dull, boring, and forgettable. You’ll play tennis better than conversing.

    If a girl asks how I’m doing…I always say great and then tell a story why. Sometimes it’s true…(if I have something interesting)…or something she’ll know quickly is outlandish but fun (I got a new superpower today…guess what it is)

  8. Pingback: How Women “Open” Men « PUA Central

  9. Anaïs on said:

    The thing is that it is difficult for a woman (or at least for me) to convey the message that ‘I’m opening because I would like to get to know you’ vs. ‘I’m opening because I want to sleep with you now’. Many times men perceive the latter as they are, understandibly, confused when it is the woman who opens.

    • If a girl wants to get to know a man, she is reconning him for sex. Sometimes game is not doing anything stupid/ boorish etc and letting things unfold. And sometimes due to no one’s fault things just fizzle.

      How many guys don’t get opened because they don’t look approachable? Walking around mean mugging folks, looking to busy or what have you.

      I’m one ugly troll looking mother trucker, but girls do start conversations with me. But only after they see me chatting up other folks. Men and women.

      • “Sometimes game is not doing anything stupid/ boorish etc and letting things unfold.”

        Yeah isn’t there something about 90% of game is not screwing up.

    • JulesK on said:

      Anaïs, I think it’s almost always going to be taken for the latter, no matter what you mean to convey. There really are some exceptions though. But they are just that. It’s one of those things that just is what it is. Also, some women are looking for neither, but we do learn to keep a death stare/mask pretty quick when out and about, especially if we actually do have a boyfriend, or are simply cautious. And any woman with any sense is cautious. With both her physical safety and her heart. So, a strange woman being exceptionally friendly is a pretty strong indicator from the guy’s point of view. Actually, some of it depends on where you are. It really does. Guys can talk to women or offer help to women and not even be *interested*, and it’s all down to how they were raised/who they are, but also the norms where they are. Of course, being attractive does tend to get you more help more often no matter where you are! Another one of those things that just is.

      • Men are just about always going to take it as the latter. It’s the way we are, but it’s probably safe to talk to us any way. I rarely drag random unwilling women off to deflower her in the tower….

        Or he’s a nice guy. I get being cautious I really do, but all of life is risk management. management. You gals also run the risk of ending up an old lady with cats. Which seems more common then being a crime statistic

      • JulesK on said:

        Safety is one of the many reasons it’s nice to date someone you’ve got to know through work, hobbies, school, friends, etc… It’s a great “vetting” system. And I don’t mean just girl friends, but guy friends. Or really, couples. The guys are key. If nothing else, spending time around men of character reminds you that these guys aren’t unicorns, even if you’re not in a relationship with one, and not going to be anytime soon. That alone is actually comforting. I work with some guys like this. And I don’t mean that someone should try to match make, which just makes everyone feel awkward. Being around men you’re comfortable with means you can be more friendly, and “open” in general. As for “taking things to the next level”, women do usually “open”, because it *is* hard for guys to make that move. They need *some* kind of encouragement. That’s also part of why a lot of guys take mere friendliness as something more, but to a degree they almost have to. I just don’t know that more forward opens (just about any open with a complete stranger) would serve most women well, unless they really are looking for something temporary (many aren’t, and go through an emotional ringer trying to make a casual relationship into a real one, seeing a depth of feeling and commitment from the guy that simply isn’t there). Anyway, the “old lady with cats” isn’t even the worst thing in the world. Of *course* it’s better to meet that right person, but you can still really *live* as a single person. Guys do it all the time. And it sounds like women had better learn to do the same. Most of the guys and gals who aren’t broken in some way are married by their mid-thirties at the latest, and stay that way, so while you shouldn’t rule it out, you shouldn’t count on it either.

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      The thing is that it is difficult for a woman (or at least for me) to convey the message that ‘I’m opening because I would like to get to know you’ vs. ‘I’m opening because I want to sleep with you now’.

      Ya big WUSS! As someone named after Ms. Nin, I’m sure you’re well aware of the plethora of sleek, shiny, uber-stylish chastity belts available these days–i.e. not so much functional, as fetish. Forget the ones with comfortable rubber linings that go against the skin–that’s NOT the way to wear it. No, you want to first put on your best pair of painted-on jeans, then strap that puppy on outside, as a fashion statement! Instant +2 points in SMV (sweet irony), and you’re now Thee Most Interesting Woman in a 3 mi. radius!

      Your top should be modest, zero cleavage. You’re selling your face, and your PERSONALITY, with Ye Olde/Mod C-Belt being merely the penultimate “opener” (sweet irony), while also saying “sex is not on the table… for now… but conversation is.”

      No matter where “it goes” in the long run, guys you open while wearing a (external) chastity belt will never, EVER forget you!

      Ironically, you also get points from the SIW™ femi-kommissars. Win-win.

  10. Just wondering how I should run with this common opener: “excuse me, you’re really tall. How tall are you?”

    Witty responses anyone?

    • I had a chick comment that I was tall…I went with the big bad wolf reference.

      “The better for you to look up to me…my dear.”

    • Not tall enough, darling, my legs barely reach the floor….

      I’m 5’7″. Chicks think I am short or close to 6 feet. It’s ridiculous

    • “Bad girl – didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Now try again politely” (The whole brat thing)

      “Oh come on, you can think of a better pickup line than that” (Assuming the sale!)

      “Tall enough to look down your blouse, you pervert” (Krauser style)

      “OMG – what is this thing on the top of your head?????” (Deflection)

      “Um….you DO know I’m sitting down, right?” (A & A)

      “It’s complicated” (Always a good fail safe)

  11. John Rambo on said:

    Arianna Pattek, a racist, man-hating feminist bitch
    http://www.crimesagainstfathers.com/australia/Forums2/tabid/369/forumid/232/threadid/6149/scope/posts/Default.aspx

    In the above link, you will find evidence of her committing the CRIME of discrimination based on a man’s race.

    I have included her personal email, the email of her academic advisor, link to her Facebook account, link to her two blogs, and her pictures as well.

    I suggest you men write to her through her email, Facebook, and blogs, and tell her that you are reporting her for the CRIME of discrimination against men.

    American women are really evil bitches.

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      Sorry, but I have trouble believing that a university with the stature and history of Georgetown–esp. one run by the Jesuits–would allow admissions to be decided by any one person (more likely a committee of 12+ peeps), let alone an (alleged) godless marxist cunt like Mzzzz Pattek.

      Sure enough, further interwebz searches reveal unverifiable “Art Bell like” ditties such as “Georgetown erased all records of her existence”, yadda, yadda… 🙄

      Your username is… quaint. You wouldn’t be running a diversion/false-flag psyop, to draw attention away from REAL anti-male discrimination… would you?

      OTOH, if there *is* veracity in this, please keep us posted. Nothing like a multi-million $$ spanking to make a uni right its marxist-scum tendencies.

  12. Sherlock on said:

    I found a site by a woman teachin femininity. It looks pretty good so far and she is quite good at expressin her ideas in ways that do not offend so much:

    http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/03/surrendering-to-masculine-energy/

  13. I am not sold on the “street pick up”. The literal approach someone on the street pick up. However, I have been fairly successful at the “real world” pickup – without conveying “I just want to bang you”. How do I know that? About 3 weeks ago I was at the convenience by my office buying a Vitamin Water. There was a guy purchasing.. something. I go to this store often and have a rapor with the owner, he asks how I am.. etc… somehow something comes up the man in the store “has in common” with me. We chat, he ends up asking for my number. I say, sorry I have a boyfriend. He responds “see, all the good ones are taken”. He gave off the looking for a wife vibe.

    I have done this at coffee shops, supermarket waiting for checkout, post office.. street yes – while waiting at a crosswalk! Not totally random, sometimes they are long and you have opportunity to say something simple “I think I’ve gotten a sunburn waiting for this light…” something dumb like that, he responds, 2 min of chat.. done.

    Guy approached me out of no where on the street and tells me i am pretty etc. I am a little freaked out, don’t like that he sees me only for my looks and while I admire his balls, unless done completely perfectly a hint of desperation kills interest. But hey if you can perfect it. Go for it.

  14. Marcus on said:

    This blog topic definitely gave me that “ah-ha” moment about several indirect interactions started by women in the past. I especially recall a time that a good-looking woman came up beside me while I was looking at chicken at Walmart and picked up a pack of chicken and said “look at those prices.” I jokingly responded back and a very brief conversation happen and she ended it and took “her” cart into an aisle but I looked back 20 seconds later to see that my cart with my food was missing. She stoled my cart which I quickly chase her down and when I confronted her about it she playfully said “I didn’t even notice. Why would I steal your cart?” And she walked away to grab her original cart. It was the funniest thing that ever happen to me in a Walmart. When another indirect opportunity arise I’m just going to have a ball with it 😀

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