The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “April 12, 2013”

How Women “Open” Men

“Opening” is a pick up artist (PUA) term for starting a conversation with a woman. However, women can certainly open a man. But as women tend not to be as direct and are risk averse, it will be a more subtle opener and is the start of a rather intricate dance of words and body language to test and tease out information from the guy to determine his confidence and Charisma. It’s important to note that a woman won’t start a conversation with a stranger unless she feels that she’s in a totally safe physical environment.

Only the boldest of women will actually approach a guy directly and show her interest. Note, if the guy is extraordinarily good looking, that will also bring out the boldness in an otherwise shy woman. Physical attractiveness is a powerful thing, for women too.

If the average woman spies a man with whom she has cautious interest, for whatever reason, she might initiate a conversation with an indirect subject. It might be the weather, or the duration of a traffic light while waiting for a light to change, or something are both experiencing together. “This line is too long.” Regardless, she’s initiating the potential for a conversation. This does mean her level of attraction is sky high, it just means there’s potential and she’s gently testing for it.

Such an initiation is risky for her because she knows nothing of the guy, yet. He could be married, he could be a creep, he could be socially inept. This is one of the reasons that meetup.com singles groups and other live singles social events are becoming more popular. During an event, safety is assured and women can watch the men interact socially before any conversation is initiated.

Regardless of the social setting, it’s important that the man respond. In an ideal world, the man would respond with something clever and witty to show he’s got some charm to go along with his social skills. Too many men are either scared in some way or respond with a dull, forgettable comeback. A conversation initiation from a woman is not exactly common and the perfect opportunity for a man to practice a little Charisma even if the woman isn’t his type.

The agree and amplify approach to a comeback can usually work well if it’s delivered lightly and humorously and with a subtle smirk or smile.

Her (while waiting at the grocery checkout): “This line is too long.”

Him: (agreeing and amplifying): “I agree, I’ve been here since last Thursday and my milk’s spoiled.”

Her (walking in a parking lot): “It’s freezing out!”

Him: “Oh, yes… that explains the Eskimo in that Buick.”

As I said before, a woman opening a man is not common. So when it happens, it should be encouraged with some fun, if very brief, conversation. For the record, I urge women to start conversations more.

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