The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Of Soul Mates And Superheroes

About two years ago I posted about emotional pornography (link below). That’s the pornography of unrealistic romantic expectations. Women are the most vulnerable to it. As tonight was Oscar night, I got to witness the horrible spectacle of live twitter feeds making comments about winners, losers, and the sordid entertainment that is the Academy Awards. The Oscars are the AVN awards (link below – NSFW) of emotional pornography.

Granted, many of the films and people given that “honor” don’t delve into the romantic realm of fantasy movies. Regardless, Hollywood romantic comedies and the general adoration of Hollywood motion pictures reflects how such fantasies are accepted by which gender. The printed variation are romance novels and the now-burgeoning genre of “50 shades” writing.

As a person who reads many, many online dating profiles, I can easily see how emotional pornography is internalized as a romantic goal. Grown women are constantly stating their desire to find their “soul mate” or “knight in shining armor”. This is fantasy manifested by Hollywood and internalized by a naive audience. It’s emotional pornography and it’s held in high esteem by our culture. It’s also complete horseshit that leads to loneliness and relationship dissatisfaction. 50% divorce rate, anyone?

I also read men’s online dating profiles. I have yet to read “I hope to impress a woman by shooting webs from my wrists or smashing Frost Giants with my heroic hammer.” Adult women honestly desire soul mates but adult men know that superhero powers are the realm of fantasy. I see how this works.

I went on a twitter rampage (@man_private, link below) about the Oscars. Moxie (link below) gave me a tweetslap (new term!). I had rained on her Academy Awards parade because she was watching and live tweeting the event. I make no apologies for my snarky and copious attack on the Oscars. The romantic fiction element of the motion picture business completely ruins expectations regarding attraction, dating, and relationships.

Ironically, Moxie makes her living from such damaged expectations. I do acknowledge my own hypocrisy because I will also be earning income from such damaged dating expectations via my new endeavor (link below). I will use my new venue to constantly educate both men and women about the dangers of emotional pornography and unrealistic romantic expectations. Moxie does too and for this, I give her props.

Emotional Pornography

AVN Awards (NSFW)

My Tweets

And That’s Why Your Single (Moxie)

Red Pill Dating (Preliminary)

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13 thoughts on “Of Soul Mates And Superheroes

  1. Nupnupnup on said:

    I think there is somewhat of a difference between the knight in shining armour and the soul mate thing. The first one does not exist (clearly) whereas the second one is less obviously an element purely made out of imagination. It may be an overly aspirational idea, but the basic concept does not sound so off.

    There definitely are people who are much more compatible with you (up to the sometimes seen, somewhat creepy phenomenon of people being able to complete each others sentences) than the average. Aspiring to find someone like that does not seem like a bad idea, per se (I maintain that I rather be alone than with the wrong person, that’s for sure).

    • That’s actually the dangerous aspect of the “soul mate” myth – it’s close enough to plausibility to be seductive, yet still unreasonable in terms of the depth of attraction and the immediacy of the process that is expected by most that subscribe to it.

      • Nupnupnup on said:

        Fair enough but in that case I would argue it to be love at first sight – not the same as soul mates, in my view (no need for immediacy, I find). Besides, I would argue soul mates can be platonic relationships, too. Just because I get along very well with some guys does not make me want to bang them, anyway (and I am not the least bit homophobic – in fact, given enough booze and the right guy, I might well go for the experiment).

  2. Pingback: Of Soul Mates And Superheroes « PUA Central

  3. hamsterdance on said:

    When I see that kind of language on a woman’s dating profile, especially on a 35+ profile, I’m so tempted to write to her: Hey , your “knight in shining armor” married someone else 10 years ago when you were riding the cock carousel. Hope this helps

    • taterearl on said:

      Or you could tell her to instigate a fight with a man. There will be no less that 5 “white knighters” to come to her aid.

      • hamsterdance on said:

        Yep. White knights that she wouldn’t screw in a million years. Off topic, some land whale that ended up on my facebook friends list (met her once at a party) posted her usual diatribe about how there “are no good men.” The white knights (who wouldn’t even buy the flour to f her) went on and on how she’s unique, and she requires a “special” man- not one suggested maybe she should put down the fork and get to the gym and lose about 100#.

      • Hamsterdance, those guys seem like white knighters but they may be stealth agents of the manosphere. As long as the shambling lard-beast is reassured that she’s a unique snowflake who “deserves” a “good” man, she’ll keep setting her sights well beyond her reach and thus hopefully save the poor schlub who might be tempted to actually mate with her…

  4. Women spend many, many pixels decrying online porn. Yet women engage in the same kinds of unhealthy obsessions over their own male fantasies and sexual fantasies.

    Behold, the new kinds of female porn.

    1. Gorenography: stories of vampires, werewolves and other kinds of undead creatures falling in love with boring, stupid, nondescript women portrayed by overrated actresses. So named because the stories depict graphic violence, murder, and mayhem. The hero exists solely and only to draw attention to the heroine and to serve as her love interest. Think the Twilight series.

    2. Whorenography: Stories of women engaged in violent, abusive, torturous or sadomasochistic sexual relationships with attractive, fantastically wealthy, powerful, and athletic men. Also includes stories of women who are saved from prostitution or impoverished lives by attractive, fantastically wealthy, powerful and athletic men. Think “50 Shades” and “Pretty Woman”.

    3. Gregoirenography: Christian women giving sex and marriage advice to women; most of which advice relieves women of many of their obligations to their husbands and tells men their sex drives are base and bad. Named after Sheila Wray Gregoire, Christian female blogger and advisor.

    4. Folklorenography: Stories of plucky, spunky Christian women making it on their own in 18th and 19th century frontier America. The heroine is portrayed as smarter, kinder, more beautiful and more resourceful than everyone else around her. The other women are stupid, immature or hags; the men are idiots, corrupt, criminals or kindly old men dispensing advice. There is one man who is presented as the kind, considerate, devastatingly handsome yet strangely accessible and malleable love interest for the heroine. Think “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” and the “Love Comes Softly” series written by Janette Oke and turned into made-for-TV movies.

  5. It is indeed quite entertaining and a bit sad to see how many women, especially in their 30s or higher, seek the fantastical romance story. You definitely see it online. Emotional pornography is a great label for this stuff, as it gives women the same kinds of unrealistic expectations as regular pornography often does to men.

  6. Not falling for it on said:

    It is sad to see how many women over 30 still believe in these fairy tales, and how many men play into these…
    Watching around FaceBook alone at the late 30’s or 40 somethings, and the things they post, ,my eyes can’t help but roll…
    The poor girls just looking for the right man to come along and sweep her off her feet (2 marriages later).
    By that same token, I’ve seen some very savy guys take FULL advantage of the emotional state of these Cinderella’s, and these guys know EXACTLY how to play the “Prince Charming.” (I’ve actually witnessed some guys playing that Prince simultaneously for 5-6 of these broken Cinderella’s, unbeknownst to them)
    AND, the cycle continues, the Cinderella’s are once again saddened, victimized, and they get to post once again how “horrible their sense for picking good men is.” (Thus advertising for MORE of the unscrupulous white knights)
    I’m not saying some level of deep connection exists with two people who are meant to be together, but I’m saying that people know how to GAME this system knowing that women are looking for this fairy tale soul mate, “The only one whose kiss can wake her.”

  7. Tam the Bam on said:

    Not and they get to post once again how “horrible their sense for picking good men is.” (Thus advertising for MORE of the unscrupulous white knights)

    So that’d make them Black Knights, then? “It’s just a flesh wound!”

    Some people overrate themselves to their own detriment repeatedly, as you point out.
    Black Knight “I’m invincible!”
    King Arthur “You’re a loony ..”

  8. I guess we all just put our expectations way too high when it comes to finding a “mate”. When we think we find someone who fits the bill we marry, have kids get disappointed with them and divorce. And BAM the cycle starts all over again….damn what a messed up group of humans we are.:(\

    Great post, btw.

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