The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Does “Game” Work And Three Ways To Get It – Guest Post

I only rarely do a guest post but this is an interesting exception. A pick-up video went viral (link below) that showed a young, British guy approaching a Latina in New York City (I think). The brief encounter resulted in a real kiss between the two of them. The guy in that video is Steve Jabba and he actually contacted me.

I accepted the guest post because he and I see eye-to-eye regarding how men should be in the context of meeting and dating women. While his market is for younger men (and in England), I like many of the things his says. Bear in mind that because his audience is much younger, he’s using the language and writing style of relative youth and the nomenclature of PUA that such youth is accustomed to. I’ve edited little. Also, in no way is there a business relationship between him and I.

I get emails from guys asking me: does this PUA stuff “work” for :

  • Short men
  • Bald men
  • Old men
  • Peg legged men
  • Smelly men

(Maybe not the last two).

I think it points to a lack of understanding of what “game” is.

My three-fold definition of  a man with game:

(i)  He has successfully optimized his aesthetic .  Note optimized – this doesn’t necessarily mean “get huge!”  My view on aesthetic: go for a “look” that fits in with who you are…your identity.  For me, that’s metrosexual, well-built, a bit edgy.  Your look should be based on your interests, where you like to hang out, and the kind of social venues you favour.

(ii) He has inculcated the universally attractive masculine characteristics such as dominance, leading, persistence, honesty, standards, and boundaries. [Editor’s note – also competence, confidence, and Charisma]

(iii) Has the necessary real world experience (game tactics and techniques) and calibration (making it work depending on the environment, culture, country etc) to harness these qualities to attract hot, high quality, high self-esteem women.

Note I don’t include trashy or low self-esteem women.   In my view there is more to a woman than just her looks.

So, does “game work”…

I think the question points to the common misunderstandings about game

If the question is: can a man learn “game” (mostly tactics and techniques based) – as espoused by the some of the large PUA outfits – and use just that to consistently attract and seduce (note seduce – as in take her to bed) – hot, high self-esteem women who would be considered “out of his league” – without raising his value in other areas.


Can a man consciously raise his value and do this?

HELL yes.

NOTE : I know of the anti gamers who throw up the straw man argument that game doesn’t work because a nerd who never gets laid can’t go out and pull supermodels a couple of weeks later.  Obviously it’s an incremental process, and depends on a myriad – a very, very large myriad of qualities, that ultimately determine your potential.

So what can you do to get there and maximise your potential?

1. Start work IMMEDIATELY on the key areas that you can:

Fashion : – Get decent clothes that fit properly.

Gym : Lose flab, get in shape.  No excuses.

Height : If you’re excessively short look into height increasing shoes.  Personally I wear boots with a 1 – 1.5 inch Cuban heel and I’m a shade over 6 feet to begin with.

Approaching: Again no excuses.  Realise that you don’t need to do the smoothest pick up in the world.  Just by going up and approaching you are in the top 10%!  Some girls will just like you : as long as you aren’t a gibbering wreck you’ve got a good shot with those already.  Authenticity in and of itself has value so it doesn’t matter too much if you’re a little nervous, whatever.  It’s not optimal, but it’s better than trying gamey / routine based stuff.

If you approach in clubs: Approach in bars

If you approach in the daytime: Approach in clubs

If you approach in bars: Approach in the church.

Do something different.  Approaching in different environments is part of in “game” calibration : there is an optimal way of doing it in the daytime, in a bar, in a department store, in a nightclub. Never mind the slavish adherence to a “method” you get on PUA forums.  In the real world calibration is required and you cannot get this without doing it. Enough said, it’s been done to death but is important.

2. Mindset

I just googled how to get good with women and here are some of the suggestions:

  • Make it fun
  • Measure goals and track them
  • Grow some balls (I actually like this one)

But not much talk on mindset.  In my view, it all starts and ends with mindset.

Here is how I think about it:

Start by being brutally honest with yourself and hold yourself to a higher standard

Ask yourself where I am at now in the key areas:

Aesthetic.  Fashion.  Mindset (do I believe right to my core I am worthy of the hottest women).

Application : Do I go out and crack onto women.  Do I have a go!

Rate yourself.

Then realise this stuff is a competition.

I believe the desire for power, and the need to compete is a powerful masculine trait.  So harness it.

Sure you can talk to friends and get support.  Yes, you can read these blogs and have insights and epiphanies. But…

In my view success with women is no different to success in other areas.  There is competition, especially in the large cities.  Every guy wants his slice of the pie.

Are you going to let them get in your way? 

Use whatever strong emotion you have – a sense of entitlement, a sense of outrage, whatever – to fuel your progress.

A personal example: I am happy and content with my pick up abilities.  My focus now is on growing my business because I believe I have something very unique, very worthwhile to offer that no one else can match.

I believe I deserve to prosper from this, more so than anyone else.

When I imagine other companies in my sphere beating me and earning more money, when I see them ranking higher for a keyword term:

I want to tear them a new arsehole.  I want to destroy them with my success.  I want to beat them and put myself in their position.

This is how I used to feel about success with women.  It has to mean that much to you.  You have to emotionally engage with it.  Get obsessed!  Use outrage, use every scrap of emotion you have, including anger, to fuel your desire to get better.

NOTE : I’m not saying do Machiavellian stuff and try to bring others down.  Use that emotional power to build yourself up instead.  Critically evaluate what  they have that you don’t, then set about getting it.

Every time you have a success, measure it (use your own success metrics here – but hold to those standards).  Then next time, aim to beat that standard.  Aim higher each time.

Question everything, learn who you are, develop integrity.

If you read 100 posts on resources like this and have 1 light bulb moment that illumines your path over the next 6 months – then you’ve won.

But learn to develop the critical thinking facilities to question everything – including what you read on blogs, in newspapers, in the media.

Learn your own mind.  Delve deeper into the depths of yourself and work out who the hell you are!  What are your beliefs?  What are your standards and boundaries?  What will you put up with, and what is unacceptable to you?

Start to use this to assert yourself more and speak out.  Don’t be bombastic about it but if you don’t agree with someone say so.  Develop this into a habit.

Why?  Because it becomes reflexive, autopilot.   OWN it.  What you’ll find is that over time remaining true to yourself, your beliefs and your integrity becomes more important to you than anything else including women.  The next time you get shit tested (which by the way will decrease the more centred you become), you won’t need to reach for a clever reply –  If you think you need a clever reply to a shit test, you’ve already lost).  What will come instead will be reflexive and from your core and will demonstrate that your sense of self, your integrity is more important to you than getting access to her pussy.

Guess what effect that will have!

3. Assume she wants to fu** and escalate.

If you’re talking to a girl for a minute or two and she’s still standing there, then assume she wants to fu** you. [Editor’s note – this is a tough one for men over a certain age and who have been indoctrinated for a generation or more about never objectify a woman as a sexual being.]

If she displays any kind of emotional response to you aside from disgust / revulsion – you can work with that.

Anger is good.

Rejection is good.

“An as if” is good.

Assume she wants to fu**, and escalate.  Obviously there are degrees of escalation and calibration based on which environment you are in.  But you have to cross the Rubicon.  Even getting closer to her and putting your hand on her arm is a form of escalation.

(i) You never lose brownie points by escalating and having a go.  Doesn’t happen.  You won’t lose a damn thing by trying it on.  In fact, it’s a positive.

(ii) A rejection in the moment means nothing.  Try again a minute or two later.   If she’s still standing there, she wants to fu**.

(iv) Are you a man or a mouse?  Do you see her as a sexual being?

(v)  Make your sexual intent clear.  Look at her, imagine fucking her, and pay her a compliment specific to her.  What jumps into your head when you’re looking at her face and imagining these things?   Tell her that.  Touch her.

By doing this, you get used to it.  You take away the power of rejection.  You get used to seeing girls as sexual creatures.  You begin to see that receiving doing this is the greatest compliment you can give a girl…And she’ll love you for it.

That viral video


Single Post Navigation

38 thoughts on “Does “Game” Work And Three Ways To Get It – Guest Post

  1. Much as I admire the post, as soon as I saw the beginning of the video, I realised something that would not be obvious unless you really know London: that video is taken in Old Compton Street, that is to say just off the strip-club/red-light area, and that woman looks, with her micro-skirt, very much as if she is anything but your average tourist. Of course it is a great location to do it, indeed I picked up a woman (of doubtful age) myself just round the corner therefrom a decade or so back. Of course Jabba looks really fit and handsome which hardly hurts.

    • Not quite sure what you are insinuating. I’ve been attracting women since I was 16 years old, over 20 years.

      We had some similar snarky comments on Heartistes analysis thread mixed amongst the other comments. It’t interesting to me that people immediately try and find fault.

      All of this from one little video which I made after a night out and a curry. 1st approach of the night, just for demo purposes.

      2 points:

      1:/ I have a bunch of other videos on my Youtube channel in plain daylight, not in a “red light district”, showing a similar thing
      2:/ I will doing a bunch more and will finally put any kind of nonsense / lies to rest. (Not saying you are making up lies, but i’ve had all sorts : the videos are fake / paid actresses etc. PLEASE.

      Anyway, glad you like the post.


    • Maven3 on said:

      “Of course Jabba looks really fit and handsome which hardly hurts.”

      I agree, but so what?

      He is using his physical potential – he’s is aiming at appropriate girl (slutty, might be even hooker?) and appropriate time (evening) and his is using his physical features to dominate her. Kudos for that.

      Find your own way and use it – approach, approach, approach and find what works for you.

  2. Vicomte on said:

    PM, I am disappointed.

    • What’s the problem?

      • Vicomte on said:

        In essence:

        PM is known for touting ‘Charisma’.

        This is pretty straight pick-up copy. A step in the wrong direction.

      • There is much overlap ‘twixt Charisma and “Game”. I am careful with my nomenclature. This guest post serves to highlight that overlap.

      • I’m with PM. While this seems like a straight PUA post, it’s actually more of a recipe for generating charisma. Mindset is the essence of charisma, and the author’s decision to focus on that and not the low-hanging fruit of the gym and the menswear department indicates he understands the importance of Charisma.

        I thought it was an excellent post. Highest marks.

      • Vicomte on said:

        It’s a lackluster repackage of RSD-style fist-pumps wrapped in marketing bullshit.

        The video remains an excellent example of ‘weaselly persistence’ game.

        PM could have done much better tackling the subject himself. Jabba’s selling, not teaching.

  3. Good post Steve, for one I enjoyed it. I’ve written my own new post about haters and those saying game doesn’t work, destroying their arguments piece by piece.

    However, they’re generally so unintelligent I’m doubtful they’ll actually engage rationally on anything I’ve written.

  4. There is much value and truth in this post – although I can’t quite believe that the question of “does game work” still needs to be answered after all this time.

    Personally, I have reached a level with pickup where I am content for the time being, and the burning desire that drove me this far has abated somewhat whilst I concentrate on other personal goals, such as becoming financially independent.

    It always comes back around after a few months though, and although I’ve never taken any form of tuition, I’d definitely consider taking a bootcamp with Steve in the future to push me out of my comfort zone and take things to the next level.

  5. Pingback: Does “Game” Work And Three Ways To Get It – Guest Post « PUA Central

  6. Of course game works. It makes men confident, feeling calmer. How could it not work, however the step-by-steps are, when the outcome is feeling more comfortable when chatting women up?

    I’d just like to add one thing. Nothing helps a smelly man. Not as in a sweaty man, cause a man smelling of fresh sweat is divine, but the haven’t-showered-in-two-weeks-and-not-planning-to-either smell? Yeah, nothing will help. 😉

  7. What would impress me more, would be if Mr Jabba were to use his undoubted technique to pick up female bankers in say, Lothbury, or Bishopsgate. Picking up scantily clad women of uncertain-occupation and ethnicity halfway between Greek Street and Raymond’s Review Bar is hardly a challenge – and as we now learn, when presumably given false-courage through a little alcohol – it was as he says after a night-out. When I was about twenty (now I come to remind myself of it) I was, in daylight, approached by two females not yards from where Mr Jabba made the above posted video – such is Old Compton Street. The place is always full of hot-totty.

    • Good grief. He basically pinned a young girl whose first language was not English, up against a wall in a city where people were walking by oblivious to what was going on. She looks uncomfortable and several times turned her head away. She probably thought it was easier in the end to give in rather than make a fuss, although if he’d got more forceful she may have done. This has happened to most women when younger ie a man looming over you and refusing to leave you alone until you agree to kiss him and you give him a false phone number to get rid. It doesn’t mean you are overwhelmed by his masculine attractiveness. This just illustrates again how little some men understand women.

      • Last response i’m gonna make.

        1:/ I have other videos. Daytime, no alcohol involved. It is not as full in those videos because: that is known as calibration. It’s also unnecessary. I also escalated quickly as a demonstration for the camera. ETC.
        2:/ She got in touch for weeks afterwards. If you REALLY want I can post the messages on here to prove that, if we’re going to descend to those levels. But really? Suggseting she is a prostitute. Please.
        If you cannot see attraction there, then I would suggest it is you who doesn’t understand.
        3:/ I know exactly what I am doing.

      • maven8 on said:

        again, so what?

        he selected his target and applied his tools.

        attraction is there for sure, but i am supriesed she come back (no comfort building, should have trigger huge asd)
        however i work on different kind of girls so no experience there.

        Steve, i am currious – did you meet her afterwards or just texting?

    • In a banking area? You mean like Steve’s friend Krauser did? between 2009 and 2011? whilst he actually worked in said banking area? It’s ok mate, you keep yourself entrenched that all he does it hit on prostitutes, as long as that gives you satisfation in your post which reeks of insecurity and some weird inferiority complex to what Steve has done and written.

      and Fi, the hamster is strong in you.

  8. I’d agree with ‘opus’ and ‘fi’
    Try this in a more upmarket place with a less scantily clad and older female and you are more likely in the UK to end up being arrested by the Police.

  9. i think i’m living proof that game works. i have the sex appeal of a progeria victim but still do well with woman.

    • Danny – I agree. I’ve seen your pics and read what you write, and it works for me.
      But none of the others work at all (in fact I find them off putting) so it must be more than simply a set of rules that anyone can follow. Plus I haven’t actually met you so it must be more than your body language and approach.

      • Well of course it is otherwise every man would want Marilyn Monroe, and all any woman would need to do is mimic her.

      • are you a woman? i have women on my site agree with my posts often. of course, them being red-pill takers helps.

      • That depends. To men over 45 I’m a woman. To any men younger than that (other than my son’s friends) I’m an old hag. 🙂
        An older woman often requires a man to interest her before she can find him attractive – we are so bored by empty headed good looking men. We look for a quick wit and intelligence and a certain curiousness and intellectual sophistication, as well as humour, and I think your appeal is more about what’s going on in your head than how you look. And that manifests itself in how you relate to women because I would say you understand them.

      • aaaaaaah. well thank you Angel. i appreciate it.

  10. Nupnupnup on said:

    While I admit some of the points in the above post are valuable (primarily 3 which might be single most important point in classic game right after approaching), most is pretty standard PUA fare and only marginally actionable one at that (get decent clothing? really? for someone who does not yet have that, they presumably do not know how, so not actionable). In any case, it does not really inspire me to go check out your site (but as some people say, I am probably therapy resistant anyhow).

    More importantly, there is a lesson here that is much more important than whether or not this was fake: hitting on a foreigner (although, considering this is London, you in fairness do not have much choice there) and then claiming she staid in contact is not playing entirely fair. Foreigners (expats in particular) in general have different mindsets (more adventurous for sure) than your average native (otherwise they would have staid where they were). Furthermore, anyone who ever spent any appreciable time in a city halfway around the world from home will know that bumping into people you like for whatever reason is kind of rare (even more rare than at home) PLUS you are less likely to have large circle of friends so by definition, the chances of her calling back are higher.

    Oh one more point, if you say well built, what bodyfat ratio/BMI do you have in mind?

    • Nupnupnup on said:

      BTW, the title is a bit unfortunate. It’s not three ways, it’s three prongs/elements/pillars/whatever to get it as they are not alternatives by any means but very much complementary.

  11. Great post. As a long-time married guy I can take away some stuff from this post to strengthen my relationship game, particularily the items under Part 2: Mindset. These are good for maintaining frame and deflecting and/or lessening the occurence of shit tests.

    I guess it must be generational as I’m in my late 40s, but I found point number three interesting, that if she is still standing there after a minute or two, then assume she is DTF and proceed accordingly. This one is an eye opener. Though I am not in the dating/pick-up scene this oddly enough, does make sense to me at some core level. I guess you are working from the positive energy of “She wants me to win, so I’m going to.”

    I really like the idea of calibration rather than delivering just stock lines or routines. It feels more like improvisational acting where to do it well you are trully in the moment and building openly and positively on the reactions that your fellow player(s) are giving to you in the scene.

    Hmmmmm, I’m suddenly tempted to become an unfaithul cad! 😉

    • @Wilf – something I do sometimes, is do this even tho I KNOW I’m not going to follow thru. That is to say – to approach and interact with a woman even tho I’ve already set the terms with myself that nothing will happen.

      couple of positives from doing so – the outcome won’t matter b/c I’ve predetermined it – therefore who cares about rejection? Also, it helps me continue to grow more comfortable with approaching and escalating, as well as with calibration, etc etc etc.

      Plus, it’s kinda fun to “pick up” a woman – and then not follow thru and leave her wondering WTF just happened? Dare I say it’s……empowering?

    • Heh. Preselection is like voodoo for a married man. Go flirt with a woman in a good natured way, let her arouse you, and walk away in good conscience. Immediately go home to your wife, casually mentioned how you got hit on, and then shut the hell up. It’s like she can smell the competition on you …

  12. koevoet on said:

    Haven’t watched the video. Great post, though!

  13. Pingback: Aggression In Pick Up | 3rd Millenium Men

  14. Pingback: **UPDATED**I've become a tart**UPDATED -

  15. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/01/09 « Free Northerner

  16. Pingback: Link Love Thursday: Gold Edition | Adventures in Red Pill Wifery

  17. Of course Game works. Anyone who disagrees simply has their head up their ass or has other issues. I enjoy this post but most of it is standard issue around these parts. Good for the new guys, though. I don’t see what issue most people have with it. Inner game never hurt anyone.

  18. Sure game works when you are trying to sleep with women or at the beginning of a relationship, but it something that can not sustain.

    (ii) He has inculcated the universally attractive masculine characteristics such as dominance, leading, persistence, honesty, standards, and boundaries. [Editor’s note – also competence, confidence, and Charisma]

    I have found that honesty has found it’s way out of the current ‘game’. Men are looking to score and conquer, they stop at nothing and generally never let the truth get in the way of a good conquest.

    I have been told by men before that when they act like assholes it is like catnip to women. Again, you should be wary of the women you are attracting with those tactics. I would be lying if I said women weren’t a little attracted to the ‘hard to get’, but the most worthy woman are attracted to the confident, intelligent, charismatic, authentic characteristics. Those are some that can not be replicated.

  19. Pingback: Enjoying The Learning Process / Ascetism -

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: