The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “December, 2012”

A Social Risk Is Still A Risk

[A very recent post over at Heartiste (link below) covers “peacocking” in some detail. Peacocking is a form of social risk which I covered about six months ago. Read on]

The willingness to take a risk is one of the hallmarks of a man with Charisma and confidence. When a man takes a risk, women get all tingly. Normally, a masculine risk is considered something physical or financial. Skydiving and short selling Facebook stocks are both excellent examples of what would be considered masculine risk. Men and women both know this. Taking these kinds of risks is a clear demonstration of masculine confidence. As we all know, the masculine attracts the feminine.

There is one type of risk that yields attraction from women but is generally given short-shrift by men. However, it’s a risk that far too many men are unwilling to take. It’s the social risk. The classic social risk is for a man to approach a woman and initiate a conversation. The unwillingness to take this particular risk is known as approach anxiety. The man is so afraid of rejection that he’s unwilling to take the risk. The solution to that, by the way. is outcome independence, very tough to achieve.

But any social interaction contains an element of risk. This is why the expression “polite company” is used. We have rules for social discourse to mitigate the risk of being offensive or insulting. Men are supposed to be humble and women were supposed to be demure. Now women seem to be expected to be sassy, outspoken, and even abrasive. (Link below). As the expectations for women have changed, why not allow men to break away from the whole humility bullshit?

My friend Danny (link below) uses ordinary and ritualistic social interactions to risk drawing attention to himself. Seeking such attention is not an act of humility, as is normally expected from men. When dealing with service women – cashiers, for example – he responds to the standard, “how are you doing?” not with a quick and softly spoken “Fine” or “Good”. He responds with a loud “super fantastic!” Such a response serves to almost brashly draw attention to himself. He reports that this always yields a smile and a complete change in the nature of that ritualistic social interaction.

My young colleague with the cheesy mustache discovered this when he was ordering lunch at a local burger place. I had told him about Danny’s approach. When asked “how are you doing?” he responded with an enthusiastic “Fantastic!” According to him, the girl behind the counter smiled and was immediately friendly, to the point of calling him “Boo” during the brief interaction. My colleague was taking a social risk by responding in a way that would draw attention to himself. The outcome could have been that the young women behind the counter could have thought him as weird or perhaps even creepy. But her attraction needle jumped a bit because most women respond favorably when a man takes a social risk.

Before my male readers start taking social risks, it’s extremely important to understand the overall social context. The two examples of risks I mentioned were in a ritualistic and completely safe environment. While women do respond well to a man who takes a social risk, it’s only when she feels safe and  and not threatened. Approaching a woman walking home late at night is stupid folly. As well, the man must have good social skills and body language to take any type of social risk so as not to come off as creepy. (link below).

One of the core tenets of Charisma is that a man should be approaching and initiating social interaction with anybody. Another way to put it is that men should take social risks and be willing to receive attention.

Danny from 504

Succeed Socially

Online Profile Codewords Used By Bossy And Domineering Women

Evidence That Peacocking Words

Is Deti Brilliant Or What?

Yeah, he’s brilliant. I read too many blogs. My eyes get tired and I’ll probably go blind soon. No matter, I see it as my avocation to mine the Manosphere for Red Pill wisdom. So, I’m over at Dalrock’s blog (link below) and Deti is all over it… like white on rice. Zowie, batman, Deti serves it up:

I’ve become more cynical and less trusting in every area of my life. I’ve said it before: Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I thought I knew about male-female relationships was 100% wrong. I put my trust in parents, teachers, pastors, Scout leaders, and other adults who I thought knew what they were talking about, only to discover that they had absolutely NO idea what they were talking about. I listened to them about other things too, such as school advice, college advice, politics, economics, nutrition, medicine, business, and career advice. Increasingly, I am discovering they were wrong about that stuff too.

As a married father, Deti is way invested in the social contract (broken contract, by the way – link below). If things go South culturally, he has much more to lose than childfree bachelors like myself. He’s got skin in the game. Lots of skin, more skin than my cowardly soul could even hope to handle. But he’s got nothing on my brother who raised two daughters by himself. My brother’s tale makes Sisyphus look like a lazy, drug-addled slacker… or, me.  For the record, I don’t do drugs.

Taking the Red Pill is a hugely difficult task. It requires unlearning a myriad of social expectations and then shifting one’s total world view, especially about women, dating, and relationships. Most men simply lack the emotional fortitude to do it. I find that sad and troubling. As a social man, I observe very carefully when Red Pill subjects come up. I cautiously bring up the Manosphere alternative. Usually, I am met with white knight resistance so I back down. Again, I find that sad and troubling.

I applaud Deti and all those who comment on Manosphere blogs, forums, and websites. Such comments are small acts of significant resistance. With more Manosphere blogs surfacing, I am heartened by the men and women swimming against the tide of “progressive” and socially conservative ideology… two peas in a pod.

A secret the KGB couldn’t have kept.

The Broken Gender Social Contract


From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

[I posted this almost two years ago. It’s still germane.]

For the most part, the private sector work environment is a masculine place. The business of making money has little to do with emotions. The capitalistic marketplace is the realm of logic and reason in order to create and sell profitable goods and services. It’s really that simple. If there is not enough profit, there is no point creating that service or that item.

Men have historically dominated this social and economic realm. In the last two generations, women have entered the workforce. That didn’t change the essential rules of capitalism. Women had to adapt and they often did so out of economic necessity. Women adapted reasonably well. They adopted masculine traits to cope and succeed. Having such traits is not necessarily a bad thing in the right context.

The problem is the transition back to home and hearth, there is none. A woman is still in work mode when she returns home. There are tasks to organize, things to manage, kids to herd. A woman’s work (and career) is never done, after all. Whither the husband or significant other? He’s likely a beta. He’s toiled his day in the trench cubicles taking orders all the while. He’ll happily defer to the woman’s relationship leadership despite losing her respect for him. He’s used to it. His mom, single of course, told him to be nice and follow orders.

What if she’s married or committed to an alpha man? If she wants to maintain that relationship, she must transition to a feminine role in a brief span of time. That span is 35 minutes, about the average commute time. In that period of time, she must embrace her feminine nature so she can be the loving wife/significant other that she is supposed to be. Of course, if she truly loves her man, embracing her feminine nature for him comes naturally and without much thought. In fact, she should be thinking of that while she is still at work. Suggestion to all the guys in long term relationships: read Athol K (Married Man Sex Life).

If her man is a sad sack beta, the transition from masculine to feminine is a serious struggle. The woman sits in traffic and wonders “why I am doing this?”. She then fires up her audio book of Eat, Pray, Love (turning off NPR) and makes a mental note to tally up her man’s finances and then to look up divorce attorneys while he is having fun with the kids.

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