The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

A Social Risk Is Still A Risk

[A very recent post over at Heartiste (link below) covers “peacocking” in some detail. Peacocking is a form of social risk which I covered about six months ago. Read on]

The willingness to take a risk is one of the hallmarks of a man with Charisma and confidence. When a man takes a risk, women get all tingly. Normally, a masculine risk is considered something physical or financial. Skydiving and short selling Facebook stocks are both excellent examples of what would be considered masculine risk. Men and women both know this. Taking these kinds of risks is a clear demonstration of masculine confidence. As we all know, the masculine attracts the feminine.

There is one type of risk that yields attraction from women but is generally given short-shrift by men. However, it’s a risk that far too many men are unwilling to take. It’s the social risk. The classic social risk is for a man to approach a woman and initiate a conversation. The unwillingness to take this particular risk is known as approach anxiety. The man is so afraid of rejection that he’s unwilling to take the risk. The solution to that, by the way. is outcome independence, very tough to achieve.

But any social interaction contains an element of risk. This is why the expression “polite company” is used. We have rules for social discourse to mitigate the risk of being offensive or insulting. Men are supposed to be humble and women were supposed to be demure. Now women seem to be expected to be sassy, outspoken, and even abrasive. (Link below). As the expectations for women have changed, why not allow men to break away from the whole humility bullshit?

My friend Danny (link below) uses ordinary and ritualistic social interactions to risk drawing attention to himself. Seeking such attention is not an act of humility, as is normally expected from men. When dealing with service women – cashiers, for example – he responds to the standard, “how are you doing?” not with a quick and softly spoken “Fine” or “Good”. He responds with a loud “super fantastic!” Such a response serves to almost brashly draw attention to himself. He reports that this always yields a smile and a complete change in the nature of that ritualistic social interaction.

My young colleague with the cheesy mustache discovered this when he was ordering lunch at a local burger place. I had told him about Danny’s approach. When asked “how are you doing?” he responded with an enthusiastic “Fantastic!” According to him, the girl behind the counter smiled and was immediately friendly, to the point of calling him “Boo” during the brief interaction. My colleague was taking a social risk by responding in a way that would draw attention to himself. The outcome could have been that the young women behind the counter could have thought him as weird or perhaps even creepy. But her attraction needle jumped a bit because most women respond favorably when a man takes a social risk.

Before my male readers start taking social risks, it’s extremely important to understand the overall social context. The two examples of risks I mentioned were in a ritualistic and completely safe environment. While women do respond well to a man who takes a social risk, it’s only when she feels safe and  and not threatened. Approaching a woman walking home late at night is stupid folly. As well, the man must have good social skills and body language to take any type of social risk so as not to come off as creepy. (link below).

One of the core tenets of Charisma is that a man should be approaching and initiating social interaction with anybody. Another way to put it is that men should take social risks and be willing to receive attention.

Danny from 504

Succeed Socially

Online Profile Codewords Used By Bossy And Domineering Women

Evidence That Peacocking Words

Single Post Navigation

8 thoughts on “A Social Risk Is Still A Risk

  1. hallizann on said:

    Today, it rained where I live. Everyone wore hoods up or had an umbrella. There was a guy who simply walked on the sidewalk without any covering, freely, and it was definitely noticed.

  2. I have always played ‘danny game’ with cashiers and clerks and cust.service peeps precisely because they are such limited risk. They’re in the business of being courteous and talkative so the risk is very muted. I haven’t been able to parlay this experience well onto women in the context of ‘openings’ or ‘dating’. And anytime i did try.. with very few exceptions they immediately try and shove me in the weird box, not allow me to be ‘me’ and cajole me into putting on appearances to conform. and it always depends on the girl.

    ill give you an example.

    today, the woman in HR came by our desk and noticed cookies we had on the table. she wanted one but only wanted half and asked if someone wanted the other piece. i volunteered. as she grabbed the cookie and broke it in half and offered to me, i just glided my chair up to her and slightly opened my mouth in an ‘ahhh’ manner. she picked up on the cue instantly, laughed and placed it into my maw. she ran with it.

    my feminist indoctrinated coworker felt what i displayed was just downright nasty and nearly crossed a line.

    my feminist coworker… was dictating to me and the HR lady what appropriate behavior is. it was mind boggling. me and HR lady looked at each other and smiled and she went on her way.

    taking social risks will only be appreciated by those who don’t live their lives to a structured life based around absolute consent. sometimes i just think feminists are incapable of flirting.

    secondly.. it’s easy to risk when you play it like there’s nothing to lose and no intent to succeed. i guess that’s a method of outcome independence. play it to lose? i have no problems flirting and interacting with innuendo applied to off limits women or women where i have no expectation of succeeding. Married women come right to the top of my mind. I can act my ‘normal’ excentric self around them without worry. They’re taken! And they always seem to gravitate towards me. The second there is something on the line, that’s where i start to eff up. But usually it’s because there’s a negative reaction to my excentrism and they expect me to be less ‘weird’ and to be my best self at all times.

    It’s no wonder so many people end up crying ‘BUT YOU’VE CHANGED’ or ‘YOU’RE NOT THE PERSON I FIRST WENT OUT WITH’.. of course not. everyone is too busy putting up a false persona to begin with.

    wow.. my comment just went right off the tracks didn’t it?

  3. I think when it comes to interacting with women…men shouldn’t be humble. After all one of the definitions of humility is submission and deference. Humility to them isn’t on their list for attractive traits. Now that being said men should be humble to God and their peers.

    But the thing about the social risk is every able man has the ability to do it. Not everyone can make a financial or physical risk…but if you have working social skills you have the ability to approach and initiate a conversation with women.

  4. Approach anxiety isn’t because of the woman herself, it’s because of the men the woman might know. M3 illustrates this perfectly, with the ease he has with married women. There’s no doubt about the man in her life, and the social situation is crystal clear. If you don’t know the girl, there are a lot of possible AMOG situations, and all the pc sexual harassment/false rape ideas going around leaves a rather nebulous societal AMOG floating around.

    But, back to the post, being loud is dominant. I say hello, or some variation, to near everyone I walk by. The reason being, it’s good practice, it’s common courtesy, and it establishes rapport. Most people, and especially women, are submissive. They want to follow a leader. And when you’re the one starting the conversation loudly yet courteously, you’re giving them permission to be their natural submissive self. And women love when they can be their natural submissive selves.

  5. Another thing to note is that the social risk is seen and processed by all present parties, not just those directly in the interaction.

    Had a date last night where, when the time came for my drink order, they didn’t have the beer I’d intended to order. Instead of a sheepish “oh, well, I’ll get …”, I chuckled, jokingly called the institution dirty liars and had her run through their actual taps of the moment, now that I couldn’t trust the menu – laced with signs of non-seriousness, mind you. It got a smile from the waitress but also put a twinkle in the eyes of my date, and I ended up finding a suitable substitute beverage.

  6. Pingback: A Social Risk Is Still A Risk « PUA Central

  7. Pingback: There’s never was any hope for Humpty Dumpty « M3

  8. So few people show enthusiasm and happiness in their everyday interactions that anything other than a wrapped, monotone response would stand out. I think most people gravitate towards those who are upbeat, and approach life with a smile. If that verve is part of peacocking, then of course it works. I’d rather converse with someone who’s “fantastic!” than someone who’s “fine, thanks.” Wouldn’t you?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: