The Private Man

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From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

[I posted this almost two years ago. It’s still germane.]

For the most part, the private sector work environment is a masculine place. The business of making money has little to do with emotions. The capitalistic marketplace is the realm of logic and reason in order to create and sell profitable goods and services. It’s really that simple. If there is not enough profit, there is no point creating that service or that item.

Men have historically dominated this social and economic realm. In the last two generations, women have entered the workforce. That didn’t change the essential rules of capitalism. Women had to adapt and they often did so out of economic necessity. Women adapted reasonably well. They adopted masculine traits to cope and succeed. Having such traits is not necessarily a bad thing in the right context.

The problem is the transition back to home and hearth, there is none. A woman is still in work mode when she returns home. There are tasks to organize, things to manage, kids to herd. A woman’s work (and career) is never done, after all. Whither the husband or significant other? He’s likely a beta. He’s toiled his day in the trench cubicles taking orders all the while. He’ll happily defer to the woman’s relationship leadership despite losing her respect for him. He’s used to it. His mom, single of course, told him to be nice and follow orders.

What if she’s married or committed to an alpha man? If she wants to maintain that relationship, she must transition to a feminine role in a brief span of time. That span is 35 minutes, about the average commute time. In that period of time, she must embrace her feminine nature so she can be the loving wife/significant other that she is supposed to be. Of course, if she truly loves her man, embracing her feminine nature for him comes naturally and without much thought. In fact, she should be thinking of that while she is still at work. Suggestion to all the guys in long term relationships: read Athol K (Married Man Sex Life).

If her man is a sad sack beta, the transition from masculine to feminine is a serious struggle. The woman sits in traffic and wonders “why I am doing this?”. She then fires up her audio book of Eat, Pray, Love (turning off NPR) and makes a mental note to tally up her man’s finances and then to look up divorce attorneys while he is having fun with the kids.

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34 thoughts on “From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

  1. This is exactly why I avoid working women altogether. Good post.

  2. Brendan on said:

    An option is to find a woman who doesn’t work in the profit-drive private sector but in a field that is dominated by women.

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      Dude, unless you’re talking nursing/sick-care (which is VERY profit-driven), you may be venturing into pools of the worst of the femi-kommissars, i.e. indoor, make-work, self-important .gov employees, and their do-nothing, self-important analogs in the not-for-profit “foundation” world. These are some the most INDOCTRINATED wimminz to be found. Run, young Skywalker, RUN! (And if she’s a LAWYER in these realms, hold up the SILVER CRUCIFIX… don’t touch or date under ANY circumstances, you “rapist” you!)

      Even within Duh Corporate Workplace, you have ceded realms of feminist poison… see TPM’s trenchant remarks on Human Resources. =:O

  3. What’s wrong with NPR?

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      What’s wrong with NPR?

      Let’s see… blatantly Leftist-Feminist-Misandrist slant on everything? Check. Supported by your tax dollars, but without any accountability to, or even polling of, said taxpayers? Check.

      For contrast, dig up NPR/PBS archives from 1995, i.e. following the Gingrich Revolution’s huge Republican wins in Fall of 1994, when, for a brief period, NPR/PBS was RUNNING SCARED, and actually had something approaching a balanced/Centrist presentation of thaaaangs. I was chuckling, even though I knew it wouldn’t last, ’cause the GOP was spineless… and correct I was.

      Don’t get me wrong, they still have merit, and I listen to several of their programs, mostly music, and their “round up” of local news by local investigative reporters. Also, it’s good practice in Critical Thinking… (capitalized because there USED to be college courses with said title… Pre-Marxist Era.)

      PS: I love the way virtually none of the NPR on-air peeps has a mainstream, Anglo, non-hippie name… lulz.

  4. Why is having a job preferable to taking care of kids and a house?

    • There is not as much validation to be had these days (depending on where one lives) if one is a SAHM.

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      Why is having a job preferable to taking care of kids and a house?

      Because, for decades, the Marxist Feminists have (with the AVID aid of the Marxist/main Stream Media) been brainwashing wimminz to believe that the ALL-IMPORTANT task of raising the next generation, and creating a home–in short ANCHORING WESTERN CIVILIZATION–is just oh so regressive and repressive and DISrespectable and BORRR-ing! This comes with a large side-helping of “being economically-dependent on a maaaan is… THE WORST THING IMAGINABLE!” [roll]

      By the time the victim gets her Marxist-controlled-university edu-mah-kation, and enters cubicle-land to find out what boring *REALLY* means, by the time the victim realizes she’s worked away her most attractive and fertile years, it’s just too painful to admit she’s been duped, and there’s zero cultural support for anything traditional anyway. Lose-lose.

      Biology. Always. Wins.

    • The government needs more taxpayers…and women gladly sign up under the lie of being liberated.

  5. @ Tim

    Thank you! I met Mr. JB at grad school where we both earned MBAs and then independtly went on to get the two best jobs of our graduating class. A shit ton of money but no time and no freedom-we were always mentally at the office. Our relationship was okay, because Mr. JB had the more prestigious job (Global Private Banking) so there was never any question of me out-ranking or out-competing him.

    And we hated those jobs! Hated everything about them. When I said I just wanted to be at home with some children and a dog and spend lots of time doing what I genuinely love to do (cooking!), we made some big changes and we have never looked back.

    But HamsterTamer is correct. I’m just a boring, stupid housedrone with nothing to say and nothing to contribute (usually implied or just outright said to my face) by someone who is tucking into another slice of homemade bread at my kitchen table.

    • A stupid housedrone who has managed to figure out, and do, what truly makes her and her husband happy and has a great marriage to show for it (and how could your husband not respect you enough to encourage you to work?!). How dare you be so naive! 😉

  6. Senior Beta on said:

    Your female changing into house mouse mode in 35 minutes sounds like most guy’s dreams of Supergirl. Any idea where I can find a couple for my sons?

    • Easy start is by looking at women who took supportive, nurturing, educating jobs rather than cut-throat masculine jobs.

      A happy gradeschool teacher over a high powered attorney for a wife/partner.

      Or a woman who has a part time job or a work from home job/business of her own.

      • Nurses have been good so long as you’re not too squeamish when you accidentally ask “so how was your day?” and start hearing about catheters and such matters.

        Teachers are hit and miss. Some take that ed degree being a “graduate degree” a little too seriously and overestimate their intellect, plus many have a lot of exposure to the cultural marxist crap and attachment to the government that signs their paychecks, or adopt the same crusaderist careerism of the non-profit office drones. Some are still fantastically sweet though.

  7. “The woman sits in traffic and wonders “why I am doing this?””

    Actually it was a 45-50 minute commute for my ex-wife. Not enough time…

  8. Pingback: From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes « PUA Central

  9. “There is not as much validation to be had these days (depending on where one lives) if one is a SAHM.”

    Maybe not from the media, other feminists, or the manginas that agree with anything they say. But the most important people…her husband and kids should validate her. I know I’m glad my mom stayed at home with me and my brother when we were young. We had much more fun exploring and learning at home as opposed to being with a babysitter or daycare.

  10. Where are you guys at that think a woman’s only job should br housework? I want one! My ex and I were together 11 years, and he not only would not let me quit work, he told me I had to bring home at least —.– dollars a week, and also demanded that the house be kept in immaculate order, and he never helped with the laundry, grocery shopping, etc. His days off were spent fiddling with his boat, go cart, etc. while my off days were supposed to be about straightening the house and errands. We both worked full time. He also informed that if I were to have a child, it would be me and only me changing diapers and babysitting AFTER I came home from my full time job, you see. After I was smart enough to leave him, my next boyfriend was happy about the 2nd income I provided after we moved in together, as we could eat out more, go to baseball games, etc. But on weekends while I worked, he sat on the couch from Saturday morning till Sunday evening watching football. If ANYTHING got done at home, even lawn mowing, I had to do it on my off day, and very little time was left for me to watch anytthing on tv. That is why I live alone and have for a while now, and I date,but will not live with a man again ever because the only housework I have to do now after working all day is my OWN!

    • Maybe it depends on the guy. I was raised with my mom being at home and dad working sometimes 16 hour days. I thought it was the best setup for me and my brother. My mom did some work after we went to school so I wouldn’t be against either her staying at home and then taking a job after the kids get older. I would prefer she stays at home when they are young though…because raising kids and housework is a full time job.

    • Your story so resonates with me. I admit as a young woman I drank the Kool-Aid. It was the late 70’s and in college most of my friends also drank the Kool-Aid.

      I remember moving down south to Manhattan Beach, CA in the early 80’s thinking I would stay for 5 years or so and move back north and find a nice job teaching kindergarten. I eventually found a job making fantastic money in a unrelated field. I wanted nothing more than to be a stay at home mom and raise and nurture the kids and figured we could live on my husband’s salary and bank my income or we could live on my salary and bank his.

      What I didn’t figure on was he drank the Kool-Aid too.

      He saw no problem living the DINK lifestyle while my clock is ticking. He loved going to parties, parading his pretty little wife around on his arm both of us making six figures and weren’t we just the hottest, upwardly mobile couple around. Let’s just say we are no longer a couple but I stayed too long wanting to make things work.

      What I can remember from that time is there was tremendous guilt placed on women who wanted to be stay-at-home moms. Tremendous guilt. I can remember some of my college friends who were SAHM’s and felt the need to apologize for staying at home and raising children and creating a home for the family. What happened that we had to apologize for wanting to raise kids in a warm and loving environment? Kool-Aid happened.

      I happened on this blog by accident and wasn’t aware there was this conversation taking place out there. My friends and I do discuss the lies we believed. Somehow we could have it all (at the same time) and there would be no price paid. It really is laughable.

      I can’t tell you how many people my age now see the lie for what it is and believe me most of my girlfriends have sat down with both their girls and boys and had a serious Come-to -Jesus meeting about real life.

      Women my age feel like cannon fodder and we are not going to let our children be used in this way.

  11. It’s my ultimate dream in life to be a SAHM, faithfully devoted to her husband and children. However, I really think most men are scared off by this — “She’s just looking for a wallet so she can stay home and mooch and not have to work!!!”

    I think taking care of husband/house/kids is the highest aim to which a woman can aspire. My mother was a stay-at-home mother. I think it’s important to put the marriage and the children first. Sadly, society generally doesn’t agree with that.

    I wouldn’t rule out career-women, because women need to pay bills, and eat , and live somewhere and cover their rent, too. I have a full time job because I’d be homeless and bankrupt without one, thus, I am “a working woman.”

    I work full time, as a web developer, which is a totally manly profession. I don’t love it, but I need to do it because I enjoy having somewhere to live. I’d like to be a stay-at-home mother. I wish it was more socially acceptable.

    1) Would my desire to be a housewife scare off men?
    2) Conversely, would my full-time job as a web developer scare off men?

    I’m just dipping my toes back into the dating market, and I feel like this is a lose-lose scenario for me. How should a web developer who really wants to be a SAHM approach this?

    • LostSailor on said:

      No, to a marriage-minded man (not that I recommend it these days), wanting to stay home and raise a family shouldn’t be a turn-off. But I wouldn’t bring it up right away. And men don’t really care what your job is. Really, it’s pretty irrelevant: your dating, not competing.

      But if you are truly looking to be a SAHM, you must be prepared for the sacrifices that will come with it. Most married women work these days because they have to. Supporting a family on a single paycheck is extremely difficult unless the man is in a high-income field, which means he’s likely to be working long hours. If you’re prepared to manage a household on a tight budget, maintain your femininity, and keep a positive attitude about it all, you should be able to reach that goal.

    • The way in which you can present this varies depending how you’re getting back into the dating market.

      No matter how you’re going about it, though, I think you’re overestimating the “scariness” of being forward about the SAHM thing. Men will look at the totality of the circumstances when making their internal decision about whether a woman is a gold-digging risk. If the rest of your demeanor and behavior signals your sincere desire to be a giving and dedicated SAHM, you aren’t taking a risk putting that out there – in fact, it’ll be appreciated by the types of men who also want such a partnership so long as there’s congruence between your SAHM wishes and expressed traits that indicate being a good SAHM.

      The other thing is, while we talk about “career women” here, we mean women who define their lives by their job, not by women who have a job, even if it’s a pretty serious one. The fact that you can say “i don’t love my job but a girl’s gotta pay the bills” shows you’re on the right side of that distinction. Frame that attitude in a way that can be easily and positively conveyed (not “I hate my job” but just “my job is a job, not my life,” and succinct enough so that you don’t derail too much of the date into job chat; % of time spent on job chat is one of the ways we sometimes estimate “career woman” potential) and men you date won’t put you in the “career woman” zone.

  12. @ kl

    Yeah yeah. He was a bastard and you were perfect. Even if every word of your story is true, all it means is that you suck at picking partners. Why in the hell would you marry such a selfish asshole in the first place? And what exactly would he do if you just point blank refused to do housework?

    Failing to comprehend the most basic aspects of human psychology and lacking the guts to stand up for yourself are not traits you can blame on a partner. Nope. Sorry. Those are YOUR flaws. If you want your life to change, you’ll need to start by looking in the mirror.

    Stop blaming your husband. Even if he was a prick, you picked him!

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      Thank you JB for saying what I’ve been saying for years. Any woman that continues to stay with guys like that have no one to blame but themselves.

      My sister complains all the time about her husband that he drinks too much, has a temper etc. I say well then you can just leave him if it’s that bad. You don’t have kids and can split the house. She hems and haws around the issue so I told her well do something about it or suffer and stop complaining. They met up at a bar in Key West and spent a long weekend together and he moved right in with her. Been together 14 years now. But I’m the crazy one for staying single. :shakes head:

      • What about all the men who end up with terrible screaming shrews as wives. You know, choose different?

      • JJK – for me, at least, absolutely. Everyone is responsible for the people they let into their lives, family aside.

        On the flip side of that, a good friend of mine has a pretty sizable soft harem going, but will sometimes bemoan the drama caused by his spinning plates or his inability to find an LTR-worthy girl; when he does, I remind him that he chooses the life and relationships he’s in (not in a way disapproving of what he’s doing so much as reminding him to be honest about his goals).

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      Same concept. If you stay with someone that treats you like shit and don’t nip it in the bud or leave it’s on you. Life is too short.

      The bigger issue is the mindset. I’ve seen countless guys with such women and I ask why do you put up with it and the answer is “well that’s just how it is” and “you don’t understand you’re not married.” Correct I don’t understand which is why I’ll never get married.

      I had an uncle that basically spent his whole life in the basement and died young. If you could have spent 10 minutes around his wife you’d understand.

      • I hate the “you don’t understand because you aren’t married” and “that’s the way it is” reasoning. I do understand when someone treats you like crap you don’t put up with it and when someone respects you…reward it.

        I mean kids act like brats sometimes because that’s they way it is…you also correct their behavior or they will end up in jail.

  13. I just saw this happen! Good friend of ours just married a woman who is the most neurotic, whiny, incapable, immature, pansy-assed lazy woman I have ever met! I guarantee you, in a year he will be saying “She’s useless! She doesn’t do anything! She has a mental breakdown at the slightest criticism! She’s crazy!”

    Fuck, dude, she STARTED that way!

    I guess people think marriage will somehow magically “change” their partner. It won’t.


    Hey, don’t rule marriage out completely. Just rule out getting married to someone who is NOT completely awesome and has proven that over the course of years! Getting married just for the sake of getting married stupid indeed.

    But a great marriage is one of the indescribable joys of life. Knowing someone has your back, and you have theirs. It’s an amazing feeling.

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      JB marriage and kids just aren’t for me I have no interest in either so it’s probably good that women avoid me like the plague. Just wouldn’t fit with my lifestyle and no I don’t feel like I’m “missing” anything.

      If it works for ya more power to you.

  14. Life of Liz on said:

    I am a stay at home mom with 7 kids (yep, same marriage & my body) – 5 are at home, 2 in college. I am running around crazy all day with the kids and household *stuff* BUT around the time I think hubby is headed home I take about 30 minutes to go upstairs and freshen up, change my mindset. It isn’t that different than changing from work to home mode; I am changing from mom mode to wife mode. Who wants to come home to see a train wreck? And like the 30 minute commute time – my ‘freshen up’ time is a nice decompression so I don’t hit hubby with a million things when he walks in. Easy? Not usually, but it is worth it – if a wife (either working or not) can’t do that, the marriage has more problems, IMHO. ~Liz

  15. Pingback: Comment Gold « PUA Central

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