The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “November 12, 2012”

Be A Unicorn

I read way too many dating and relationship blogs. The mainstream, blue pill dating and relationship advice – usually dispensed by women – is actually destructive to dating and relationships. The realistic, Red Pill dating advice is quite good. My two go-to sources are Evan Marc Katz and Moxie (links below). Those two I consider to be giving some of the best advice around for the over 35 crowd.

A common source of frustration for women over 35 is the lack of “suitable” single men. Both Evan and Moxie have a standard response and it goes something like this, in essance:

You’re looking for a unicorn. Lose the long list of requirements and be open to meeting and dating different types of men.

It’s sound advice for frustrated women looking for their next relationship. Moxie tends to be blunter and less diplomatic. Evan uses more measured language. To that sage advice I would add the dating exercise for women (link below) to get women to notice the good in men and men in general.

The necessity of Evan’ and Moxie’s advice is a call for men to be that unicorn so many women seek. DNA might not be good to some men (short or physically unattractive) but most guys can work on the skills and appearance necessary to increase their attractiveness and be unicorn-like.

The Dating 2.0 landscape is very different that the one men over 40 dealt with in their youth. First of all, women have financial independence. This is both a blessing and a curse for them. It’s a blessing because they don’t need a man strictly for finances. This gives them dating options they usually don’t exercise because of the curse of financial independence – hypergamy. with far more women graduating college, this curse will only get worse (link below).

Just earning a good salary is no longer enough for a man to generate hypergamy-based attraction. He has to be show that he is “higher” through a list of alternatives (links provided, as necessary):

1. Confidence – Taking the lead in dating shows this and sets a man “higher” than his peers.

2. Risk Taking – It doesn’t have to be bungy jumping.

3. Style  – You can’t dress better than her, but you can dress better than all the other guys.

4. Intelligence – Women too often conflate education with intelligence. Women also conflate communications skills with intelligence. Regardless, knowing how to communicate effectively is a perceived intelligence raiser.

5. Social Influence – Having influence within a community (real life, not online!) does much to raise a man’s overall status. It’s big boost to one’s confidence, too.

6. Charismatic Interactions – This leads to being a positive center of attention and is a big status raiser. Watch out for the dancing monkey problem.

I’m sure there are others and my commenters will no doubt jump in. Frankly, I’m usually in awe of my readers and the comments they leave.

The second important element in Dating 2.0 is technology. With social networking and online dating comes the ability for a woman to connect virtually and in real life to lots of men. This is also a very mixed blessing. It’s great both men and women can find each other online. But this leads to a woman’s surplus mentality where it’s very easy to find a reason to reject a guy because there’s yet another man’s online dating profile to read.

I do recommend online dating for men but it’s extremely difficult to be an online dating unicorn unless blessed with exceptionally good looks. This is why meeting women while out and about (link below) is vital to having an active dating life. Women are looking for exceptional men. Being that exceptional men can be accomplished. Now, time for the Jedi mind trick: If you seek to be exceptional, do it for you, no one else, especially women.

Evan Marc Katz Blog

And That’s Why You’re Single (Moxie)

How Will They Find Husbands?

Succeed Socially

Post Navigation