The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “October, 2012”

Texting – The Smoke Of the Potential Relationship

I was recently made aware of this awesomely awkward website – He Texted (link below). It’s a site where girls can post texts they received from a guy – usually after hook-up sex – so the website’s “bros” and other readers can comment and indicate if the guy is into her (hehe) or not. The comments from the readers and “bros” are funny as hell as to be almost poignant. Ah, the sweet innocence of youth all wrapped up in the sexuality of hook-up culture, complete with technology.

The fine and epic entertainment value notwithstanding, the mere existence of this website reveals two important concepts. Firstly, girls are clueless regarding how Charismatic men communicate via text. Secondly, texting is a supremely powerful tool when communicating with girls after the sex has happened.

There was a time when a girl followed the smoke (dating) in search of the fire (relationship). These days, the guy with Charisma starts the fire – or promise, thereof – with early sex and then lets the girl chase the smoke in hopes that the fire might still be lit. Texting is the smoke. It shows evidence that the fire might still be lit but can reveal little regarding finding it. This assumes, of course, that the guy is clever or simply no longer interested in bedding again that particular dame.

Text game has been well-covered in the Manosphere and the PUAsphere. Use your Google-Fu on “text game pua” for a huge return of websites. “text game roosh” yields on some tighter stuff that’s likely been researched through actual text exchanges. There is accurate information on delayed text, obfuscation, humor, “radio silence”, etc. Read it, learn it, and use it to help you meet your relationship goals.

There is a big caveat here. Tight text Charisma is best used on the female demographic who has swallowed technology like a girl did to a lacrosse player’s protein at a frat party. Yes, I know that some women over a certain age do text often. I’m referring to the younger set, those annoying chippies constantly staring at their smart phones (and sometimes walking into traffic). Since they are so plugged in to their tech, that’s the only way to reach them. You can make noises with your mouth, but it’s the words on the wee screens that will really get them to think.

You’re welcome.

He Texted


Stop Holding Hands

So you’re out and about on a date with a woman who you fancy and she fancies you. You’ve already kissed passionately and perhaps she’s had the experience of your lust. You feel warmth and comfort for this woman. As you are ambling down the lane, you might be tempted to reach out and hold her hand…

Yo, chumpkin*…STOP. RIGHT. THERE.

Holding cupcake’s hand is weak. It just is and especially so in public. If you want physical closeness as you are walking, there’s only one maneuver to use:

“Take my arm” as you extend your elbow. Say it confidently with the full expectation that she will loop her arm under yours. Hand-holding is private.

This gesture is a subtle though powerful display of a man’s leadership in the relationship. He’s literally steering her along as they walk. There’s also a strong element of protection. Leadership and protection, this is what women crave deep in their collective psyches. When she takes your arm – and it’s your damned job to offer it – it sets the frame of the relationship. To wit:

This is how it’s done. And while you’re at it, tilt your head up just slightly.

You’re welcome.

*I was also toying with chumpopotamus, chumpasaurus, chumpanzee, and chumpy

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Dating 2.0 – Selection, Active And Passive – Post Recycle

[I’ll be busy the next few days so I’ll leave this up for as many people to read as possible. Do spread the word and the link.]

First, credit and inspiration for this post goes to Cedo Nulli, a blogger who lives in Thailand (link below). I found his blog from a link in a comment on another of my own posts (thanks Kev). Cedo presented the dating concept of a woman’s active selection for quality versus passive selection by elimination. He also presents an excellent analogy for these two selection processes. From his blog post [edited]:

The problem, at its core, is very simple. It boils down to active selection for quality, vs. passive selection by elimination.  The first being good, the second being complete shit.

Say I asked you to go out and buy me the best phone you can find for $500. How do you choose the phone?  Do you research the features, try them all out, compare, know your own preferences for operating systems and screen sizes?  That would make sense.

However, here is the equivalent how girls pick their guys, for the most part:

They go to the store and proceed to smash every phone onto the floor. Whichever phone survives all the smashings, that’s the one she buys.

Which phone is that? Is it the latest high-end, big screen Samsung or is it the shittiest button phone?  Duh. The crap will survive, because there is nothing to it.  No awesome screen to break. No complex motherboard to get broken. The crap will survive the smashing.

That’s dating [2.0].  Whoever continues to make it through the flaking, the childish games, the bullshit, that’s the guy she ends up with.  Quality guys with options won’t put up with that.

In effect, the shortage of good men is because too many women have been smashing them to the ground, leaving behind weak men who acquiesce to this (FriendZone!) or dark triad cads who then turn around and smash the woman through ugly manipulation or some form of abuse.

While this other quote originated from the beginning of Cedo Nulli’s blog post, it better serves as a punchline to describe the consequences of passive selection and endless testing:

I’m single, and continue to be so, because girls fuck up. Every flaking out, every dumb excuse, every little lie, every game, every charade, reduces her credibility and value in my mind.  By the time I ‘get her’ it’s just a matter of victory over all the crap. All genuine emotion has long been killed by her bullshit.

This is a large part of Dating 2.0. Instead of a woman actively looking for quality, she’s passively looking through elimination. She finds any almost any reason to reject a man through games, testing, and manipulation. Online dating exacerbates the situation because there’s always another guy’s profile to check out or another message/IM from a guy. Plus, bad dating advice combined with the Greek chorus of well-intended friends encourage passive selection with the “Prince Charming is right around the corner” advice.

Is it any wonder why Cedo Nulli feels so little for these types of women? This kind of passive elimination creates doormats and cads, it does not encourage men of good character. Rather, this repels them.

This is the reason I created this dating exercise for women: Every time a woman sees or interacts with a man, she must find at least one good thing about him. That’s active selection. That dating exercise (link below) can go a long way to shift a woman’s mindset away from passive selection and also see the general goodness that the vast majority of men possess.

To conclude, back to Cedo Nulli with some minor edits on my part:

I can and will not respect a girl who qualifies me as dating potential by smashing my shit on the ground. All she’ll get is the rise of the player who’ll take the challenge and enjoy his fuck trophy. I don’t feel guilty. If you’re not actively choosing me for my qualities but rather for my ability to withstand games and bullshit, that’s all you deserve – games and bullshit.

“Cedo Nulli” roughly means “I yield to none.”


Cedo Nulli – Why Girls Fail

A Dating Exercise For Women

The Resiliency Conundrum

I recently had a long and fascinating phone call with one of my blog readers. He told a picaresque tale of Cluster B (link below) women, law enforcement, economic ruin, and bouncing back. He went through this cycle repeatedly and each time he clawed his way back from ruin. Most men can do that. My reader knows that he is drawn to the wrong women and he has white knighting tendencies. He’s working on that.

The story is not about that particular reader. The story is about risk and resiliency. Men take risks. It’s what we do. It’s what women find masculine and attractive in men. Sometimes, the risk results in calamity whether physical, financial, or emotional. Then it’s time to heal and rebuild. Men are resilient that way.

The resiliency conundrum surfaces when the cycle of risk-calamity-rebuild results in greater and greater risks. At some point, there will be no rebuild part of the cycle and the calamity becomes permanent, or worse. As Dirty Harry said, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” But how is a man supposed to know his limitations if he doesn’t test them by taking risks? I’m not speaking of stupid risks, I’m speaking of reasonable risks based on a man’s current circumstances. Regardless, a risk is a risk, even a social risk (link below).

Long in the past, other men directly advised their gender peers to stick to the standard life script and not be so risky. That was replaced with the pressure to be a sensitive new age guy (SNAG). The social pressure to be a SNAG still lingers somewhat but many guys are learning that this particular social expectation is a humiliating lie.

Red Pill men end up testing themselves through potentially increasing risk levels. Being liberated men, it’s sometimes tough to reel oneself in. It required steely resolve for me to reign in my risk-taking as I rode my motorcycle. A two-wheeled calamity can be fatal or result in serious and permanent injuries. I man must take serious stock in himself to end the upward trend of risk-taking. Fortunately, the Manosphere presents a unique opportunity for a man to seek counsel in older and wiser minds (guys like me) to help evaluate his next step regarding a risk.

The Clusters – A Warning For Men

A Social Risk Is Still A Risk


Chivalry – A Good & Honest Rant Is Epic To Behold

For the last two days I have been pondering the nature of female privilege and how it’s manifested. I’ve talked to my readers. I’ve seen videos. I’ve read feminist websites. Normally, I’m not an angry man. However, my bile rises when I think about something that one of my blog readers very recently relayed to me from his lawyer in regards to a court case with an ex: “You can never win against a crying woman.”

That is privilege. It is the privilege to be evil. It is the privilege to game the system with impunity. One of my recent posts highlighted that women assume protection from the nearest man. The terribly unintelligent and simplistic Amanda Marcotte prefaced one of her own comments with this: “Women’s need to be safe comes first.” No. Wrong. You lose. You might suffer badly at the hands of evil people. I will do nothing. I will turn my back and walk away. I will not indulge your privilege. Your safety is your own responsibility. Oh, and since Marcotte so enjoys accusing men of being creeps (link below), I get to do this: Hey Amanda, you’re a cunt.

Here’s a bonus: Let’s watch Judge Judy smack down a Cluster B (link below) bitch trying to game the judicial system. Judge Judy has taken the Red Pill but likely doesn’t know it.

Now let’s move on to the long rant from commenter Tom. The comment was the result of a recent post (link below) and I made no edits to his harsh and necessary words:

A woman stated: “I greatly appreciate chivalrous behavior, always. In fact, I absolutely LOVE IT!! ”

Yeah I BET you do. I would also *greatly appreciate* – and absolutely LOVE IT! — it if a woman took off her jacket and lay it over a puddle so that I can scamper over it to save my shoes, too. No matter how it inconvenienced her, or how much it cost her, if it totally ruined her jacket – even if it cost her her life to give me the life raft while I let her drown.

I would greatly appreciate that. I would absolutely love it.

Now you think that’s REPAYMENT ENOUGH? Saying you would greatly appreciate it – doesn’t make you “special”, sweety. It doesn’t even WARRANT or JUSTIFY it – or make you worthy of such generous behavior from men. And are you going to greatly appreciate enough to want to fuck him? NO?? Then what’s the point of making an announcement that you “greatly appreciate” it.? You actually carry on as if their is some tangible or worthwhile *reward* in it for men…. except for 5 cheap words you utter.

Let’s continue to lay it all down for women, just because they absolutely love it.

“I greatly appreciate chivalry” is the female fist in a velvet glove. ONE woman’s attempt trying to bring the “patriarchy” back because she realized – far too late – that feminism is a colossal failure.

Indeed, the only reason women were such a privileged class throughout human history was because only the GOOD parts of her nature were openly displayed in society for everyone to see. But feminism – for the first time possibly in all of human history – has allowed western women to show their TRUE nature, and is the worst possible thing you could have done for yourselves. Because now, the physical beauty of women comes as a double-edged sword of documented and well-known, unbridled greed, manipulation, selfishness and toxicity. And not since the time of Samson and Delilah have men been so KEENLY aware of the destruction and havoc women can visit upon them. What you “absolutely love” about chivalry, is harmful, costly, stupid, and not in a man’s best interests. The more ridiculous the stunt… the more you will love it.

And you had BETTER “greatly appreciate” what little there is left, because you will NEVER get it back. Feminism made sure of that. You have NO CHOICE but to greatly appreciate it.
Telling men you “greatly appreciate chivalry” is like openly announcing that you believe men should be inconvenienced (and should even DIE) for YOUR comfort and convenience.

Telling men you “greatly appreciate chivalry” and expecting it to be some kind of noble and humane statement does nothing but advertise that you believe your comfort should come first, and men are disposable.

And then you attempt to add on “but I do not feel entitled to it”.


For all the men who haven’t read it, pick up a copy of Esther Vilar’s “the manipulated man” and you will see right through this nonsense. Kate Winset “greatly appreciated” it when she uncurled Leonardo’s frozen fingers and let him slip to the bottom of the sea. How sweet. Oh well. Another disposable male for female comfort.

Let’s keep falsely leading men into believing there is something worthwhile in it for them. Maybe enough of those idiots will believe you. So you’ll have to excuse us if we really don’t want to bow down and grovel to the modern female – just because you now SAY you “greatly appreciate it”.

Too little. Too late.

As a Man, I would “greatly appreciate it – in fact, I would absolutely LOVE it” if the modern female would shut the fuck up about chivalry as if she is an authority on the subject. And guess what, it takes less effort and energy than holding the door open. For all the men who faught and died in wars (and on the Titanic etc.) to give you the very freedom and liberty you take for granted every day of your existence…. you think you can manage THAT SIMPLE thing as a gift to men — in exchange for all the chivalry men have given you???

After all, shutting the fuck up takes less effort than pulling a chair out for me, so I know I am not asking for too much. Although you claim you don’t believe you are entitled to being treated like you are superior just because you were born with a vagina… you’re not really “entitled” to anything but air to breathe. Everything else you enjoy is a gift from Men. Right down to the water that comes through your tap, your internet connection , microwave, car, roads, tampons men invented for you, and just about everything else. Why don’t you “greatly appreciate” that , before you start lecturing men on whether or not they should be chivalrous to you. Because in the not too distant future, men will even stop giving you the time of day – never mind holding the goddam door open so you can waltz through it pretending you don’t expect it.

When that day comes…..

I would greatly appreciate that. I would absolutely love it.

Nope, Just Loathing (A Quick Twofer)

Men Are Creeps? Cool. You’re A Cunt

The Clusters – A Warning For Men

I Lost An Important Email From A Regular Commenter

He was asking for some of my help and I’d like to but I lost the email! Will that commenter please resend that email to my gmail account: emailtheprivateman.
Update: Email received. Offer of help extended to a Manosphere supporter. Don’t forget that I offer advice and encouragement. Hit me up on my gmail account: emailtheprivateman

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