The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “September, 2012”

Finishing School For Young People

Growing up in WASPy New England, I was introduced to the concept of the finishing school for girls. Such schools existed to teach girls the traditionally feminine arts of manners, comportment, domestic skills, etc. In effect, they were learning “wifely” skills. Since we’re all nicely modern now, the finishing school is seen as an anachronistic throwback to a society where women were oppressed into rigidly defined gender roles and to the obligations of wife and mother.

Instead of a finishing school, girls now attend a four-year university where they can learn about drunken sexual hook-ups with frat fellows and jocks. Upon graduation and armed with a shiny new degree in a humanities subject, the girls can launch themselves into the wacky world of masculine-oriented capitalism. There’s no femininity in capitalism just as there was no femininity as these cupcakes took sufficient classes to snag the degree.

So, perhaps it’s time to re-introduce some basic life skills into the high school and college curriculums. Consider it a modern-day finishing school. Girls could actually learn to be feminine. I don’t mean the modern femininity of sassy sarcasm. I mean femininity that is actually attractive to masculinity, the femininity that maintains relationships. This should be the new women’s studies in colleges and universities.

As a related aside, the dearth of true femininity is so vast that women who seek it have turned to the Manosphere and other independent bloggers so they can learn how to be feminine. Yes, it’s really that bad. When it comes to relationships, two generations of blue pill political correctness in the media and spread in school have dashed women upon the rocks of weak men and charismatic cads. Some women are tired of it and want to address the issue.

The men would also receive training in masculinity. Nerds, doormats, white knights, and sundry pedestalizers would be required to take classes on feminine nature, marriage law, social skills, and Charisma in the field. The jocks, tall and good-looking frat fellows, and the naturally confident guys would only need classes on marriage law and advanced divorce law.

The traditional finishing school really did serve a useful function. As social limitations on women have been effectively removed over the past two generations, we’ve seen their strengths as quasi-men but also their darker natures. Back in the day, a finishing school served to help keep women feminine and also help keep those darker characteristics at bay.

OK, let the strawman arguments commence. “OMG! He wants society to return to the 1800s!” say the idiots who lack the ability to learn logic and reason.

Leaving The Gene Pool

A very bright and capable single fellow has quite possibly committed genetic suicide. He blogged about it (link below). The vasectomy is a brief surgical procedure that pretty much guarantees that a man won’t have kids. Millions of men have had this procedure but not so many take themselves out of the gene pool prior to reproducing. Our man Mentu did exactly that. I did it as well.

Based on the comments in Mentu’s blog post, other childfree men are seriously considering it. This is not a new trend. Back in 2008, CNN published an article entitled Young, childless, and snipped (link below) Here’s the money quote:

In a 2007 Pew Research Center telephone survey of 2,000 U.S. men and women, only 41 percent said children are “very important to a successful marriage.” In 1990, that figure was 65 percent.”

It’s now four years later and I sincerely doubt that the percentage has increased.

The decision to jump out of the gene pool is certainly huge on an individual level. From a cultural outlook, it’s an extremely troubling trend. There are some exceedingly sharp minds in the Manosphere and it would seem that the majority are childfree and that lifestyle option is appealing to many men and they’re willing to make a (mostly) permanent decision.

If smart, creative men are voluntarily remaining childfree, what does that say about our culture and society? These men are not making the traditional investment in society, that of having and raising children. To a certain extent, these men have truly gone their own way by turning their backs on a strong social expectation. If they’ve taken the Red Pill, then they become an almost dangerous threat to our current, blue pill “progressive” culture.

I’ve got a somewhat fatalist view of the upcoming social changes. That’s why I often state that “I’ll be poolside”. That’s a euphemism for simply standing by and doing little to prevent the social decline with the exception of helping men be better men through this blog.

One piece of advice for men considering getting the big snip: Don’t tell anyone. Trust me on this.

Like I said, I’ll be poolside.

Mentu’s Vasectomy – Part 1

Young, childless, and snipped

Post Recycle – Charmed By An Older, Southern Woman

Note, September 2012: I never did run into this woman again, alas.

I walked over to the gourmet burger place for dinner this evening. Waiting in line behind me was a beautiful and stylishly dressed woman, though probably 10 years older than me. That would make her around 60, quite possibly older. She was arranging a newspaper in her hands so she could read an article.

“Anything good in the news?” I asked.

“I’m looking to read about Elizabeth Taylor, it’s probably the least tragic thing to read today.” She had the most charming Southern accent. I agreed with her assessment of the news and we exchanged just a few more words.

I ordered my burger at the ordering counter and then walked a few feet over to the convenience store for a smoke with the guys over there, the half-brothers who owned the place and who were always on duty. They refer to me as “Writer Rider” because of my profession and my vehicle.

As the burger place takes about 15 minutes to prepare their food, I wandered back there after my smoke. There was the stylish woman sitting at a table waiting for her to go order. I walked over and asked if she had found anything interesting in the newspaper. Game has taught me to be quite willing to talk to just about anyone.

I wasn’t looking to run Game, I was just very curious about this attractive and stylish Southern belle. She was open and friendly. We chatted about nothing in particular. I did learn that she was from the Bristol, Tennessee area. I mentioned that my mother’s family was from the Cumberland Gap region in Kentucky.

I also learned that she’s a local, like me. I had asked her if she was a visitor. I assumed as much because of her charming and educated Southern accent. It was a pleasant surprise to know that we were neighbors in a certain sense. She lives less than a mile North of me in a very exclusive enclave community immediately adjacent to my town.

Game has also taught me to be very observant about people. This women had perfect white teeth, a nicely coiffed and short hair arrangement, smooth and almost alabaster skin, and little or no fat on her upper arms. She was also wearing nice makeup and her clothes fit her quite well. She was rather slender. Frankly, she was damned gorgeous.

She was quite willing to smile and to be warmly polite to me. It was rather disarming because such poise and manners are exceedingly rare things to find down here.

I noticed no wedding ring and assumed that she was single because she would have likely accompanied her significant other or even just a man she was dating to such a burger place. She was quite alone.

As the beeper buzzed to alert me that my own to go order was ready,  I interrupted the pleasant conversation to go to the counter to pick up my food. On turning away from the counter, I found her standing in anticipation of her order being ready soon. I introduced myself at that point. “It was very nice talking to you, I’m Private Man”.

“I’m Eileen (name changed). I do hope to see you again.” She smiled honestly as she said that.

As we are both local to this small community, I fully expect to see her again. As I was unsure about her age, I was quite reluctant to give my business card and say “well, seeing each other can be arranged.” She had an ageless beauty and could be over 65. That might have been awkward.

But I will make a point to be more often at the local grocery store where I know she shops. There really is only one local grocery store.

No matter, there are some important observations and take away lessons here.

1. Eileen looked good. She was well-dressed, had put on make up, and lacked the slovenly, “casual” appearance all too common with women out in public. Her style caught my eye. I could tell that she worked on her figure, too (no upper arm fat, remember?)

2. She was warm, friendly, and pleasant. Of course, this shouldn’t be surprise from a woman obviously raised in the Southern tradition. Regardless, it attracted me almost instinctively. The feminine attracts the masculine.

3. She showed no signs of being uncomfortable or put-upon by being in a crowded restaurant with all sorts of people being too close and at one point, rather pushy.

All in all, Eileen was wearing the delightful ensemble of a naturally feminine woman of good character. This put me on my absolute best behavior. Any desire to run some Game was whisked away and I found myself reverting to the manners my mother had taught me so well. Did I revert to those NiceGuy characteristics I have worked so hard to expunge from my soul? To a certain extent, yes. I just felt that Gaming a woman like this would be somehow cheap and tacky, beneath her and me alike.

Here’s another take away lesson: A woman of truly good and honestly feminine character should bring out the gentleman in any man, player or not.

While Eileen and I only chatted for five minutes, I was somewhat enthralled with the whole exchange. It’s amazing what femininity and good character can do. If I run into her again, this blog’s readers will certainly be informed of the exchange between us.


I did a bit of online snooping. Even with just limited information I learned that she is 62, likely married to a man who is 77, and has three grown children. I even learned how much she paid in property taxes last year. She’s wealthy, or her husband is. The amount of public knowledge available on the Internet is very scary indeed. Note to self: continue to be anonymous.


Two Dating Rules For Men

This is about the women you have been involved with romantically and how they have impacted your life. This is also about the new women in your life.

First Rule:

When on a date, if you feel compelled to volunteer any information about ex-girlfriends or ex-wives in any way, you shouldn’t be on that date because you’re not ready for dating.

This is an iron-clad rule, no exceptions. Ignore those bullshit rules about a man should be more in touch with his feelings and express them fully. That’s nonsense spread by idiots who don’t understand the Red Pill rules of attraction.

Of course, this brings up the second and more challenging rule:

If you’re asked about exes (which she really shouldn’t be asking), the best response is: “I’d rather not talk about things that didn’t work out.”

Credit for that reply goes to Danny (link below). Once you give the reply, change the subject with your date. If pressed for an answer, be prepared to end the date because further pressure on you is a huge red flag. It’s a sign of bossiness and premature noseyness. I understand that your date might be probing for emotional landmines but that should be reserved for after if a strong connection is established and quite a few dates have occurred.

The happy byproduct of both these rules is that you establish some mystery about your past and therefore, you. Here’s something else to consider about complaining in general. Complaining on a date is not masculine. It’s too emotional and it’s negative. Additionally, complaining also reveals too much about you and there’s no mystery in that.

Yes, after a certain age, everyone accumulates emotional experience, both good and bad. There’s nothing wrong with such experience, it seasons us and hopefully gives emotional wisdom. At the same time, a man must be able to move past heartbreak and bitterness before he can attempt dating and possibly establishing a new, emotionally intimate relationship. Women are not stupid, they can easily perceive negativity about past relationships and that bothers them, a lot.

As an aside, this rule was motivated by my friend Chris during a long phone conversation we recently had. She’s a good egg and understands Red Pill dating and relationship wisdom. In fact, she was the one who had the great online dating profile (link below).


Profile Advice For Women

Women, Television, And “Attention Porn”

A tweet from Moxie the dating coach (link below) triggered an interesting bit of wisdom and quite possibly a serious epiphany. Her tweet was:


Female dating bloggers are an annoying bunch filled with single women who vacillate from extreme self-pity to grrl power in a matter of writing nanoseconds. The urban variety seem to hold the television character Carrie Bradshaw of Sex And The City (SATC) fame as something of a role model. In fact, there seems to be a half-generation of girls (not women) who viewed SATC not as entertainment, but as a video tutorial for a lifestyle. Happiness through designer shoes? Men rolled their eyes and pretty much ignored the whole phenomenon. It made little sense to us except as propaganda pitching a particular lifestyle.

After reading Moxie’s tweet, I figured it out.

 It’s the attention, stupid.

Women love attention. Emotionally healthy women love positive attention and that’s how it should be. The rest of them will take anything they can get including nasty drama featuring physically abusive men. With SATC, the cameras were almost always pointed at one of those four characters. It was the ultimate in attention, even if the characters were made up and the whole thing was completely and utterly fictional.

I am of the strong belief that girls around the country followed the SATC mentality with the vague and amorphous wish that they would suddenly have TV cameras focused on them and their now-semi-glamorous lifestyle, despite living in Toledo and not being able to afford pricey shoes.

This is why I call it “attention pornography”. It’s certainly related to emotional pornography (link below) in some ways but it’s different in that the TV genre sets false expectations for receiving attention. Behave in a particular way or adopt a particular lifestyle (or components, thereof) and you might be the subject of television series! I know that sounds quite farfetched but wishes, rationalizations, and fantasies can do all sorts of things to affect female behavior.

Enter another popular TV format for girls (not women) is the “reality” show. Granted, most of such reality TV is scripted to a certain degree yet it’s still wildly popular. It’s pure attention for the select few who are in front of the camera. It starts young, too. Toddlers and Tiaras anyone? “The cameras should be on me” I imagine a woman thinking when she see’s a reality TV program.

What, reality TV program crews are out wandering the streets looking for women to feature in a new program? A big part of me thinks that is what is running through too many female minds in order that they get their attention fix.

EDIT: If enough attention-oriented TV broadcast programming featured women and girls receiving positive attention for being feminine… guess the result. Tweet it.

Next up for female-oriented porn and guys… 50 Shades Of Gray. [3/8″ yacht-braid nylon line in four, six foot lengths (marine store)…. Learn how to make a bowline and a clove hitch. Or, some silk or rayon scarves that are are at least 5 feet diagonally and half-hitches. Just saying.]

Moxie The Dating Coach

Emotional Pornography

The Vicious Circle of Lies and Misinformation With Good News

I wrote about the vicious circle of lies and misinformation (link below) last year and like most posts on a Manosphere blog, it still resonates. It’s both humorous and sad to read so many female online dating profiles where women proudly shout their independence and tout their travel adventures and careers as selling points to a rich and fulfilling relationship. Worse, they use the codewords that reveal a bossy and domineering nature (Link below).

Men are equal opportunity offenders. They write weak profiles that lack depth and practically scream out for a woman to dominate them and boss them around. There are few, if any, action words and they generally sound and appear just like every other male profile. Frankly, I’m not surprised that women just keep on clicking “next” in this sea of blue pill male mediocrity.

But every now and again, a shining beacon appears and my sadness vanishes. A reader actually revised her profile based on my advice (link below) and this was the result:

Just be yourself, that’s what everyone wants, right? Someone to feel comfortable with when you’re at your best and even when you aren’t. I guess that’s what I want.

Top 10 reason’s I’ll be your best girlfriend ever:

10 – You can have poker night without complaint (I might want to play sometimes)
9 – You can count on me to trust you without that you wouldn’t be calling me your awesome girlfriend in the first place
8 – You will feel like a knight in shining armour from time to time
7 – You won’t ever wonder if I am judging you
6 – You’ll come to learn I know the difference between sexy, sassy, classy, cute, and hot – not to mention when to be which one
5 – You experience random acts of kindness towards others including you
4 – You’ll be surprised that I can make you think and about more than whether or not my shoes look good with my outfit, or if my butt looks fat.
3 – You’ll hear me celebrating more than complaining, see me smiling more than frowning, and dancing/singing more than sitting silently.
2 – You can expect if I ask you to shop with me it’s only because I’m buying something you know better than me or would want to see
1 – You bet I know how to cure a headache

I hope to grow together with someone to be the cute old couple that still holds hands, flirts, kisses in public and looks deep into eachother’s eyes with love, compassion and understanding.

The directions on the site say “talk about your hobbies, goals, what makes you unique and your taste in music.” Well, for me, I guess that’s the fun stuff you talk about as you get to know someone.

So, at the end of the day I’m looking for a relationship, not in a rush but that’s ultimately why I’m here. If you’re looking for the same, I’d love to hear from you.

Here was a follow-up comment from the same reader:

…I do appreciate the advice and I have gotten a lot of “great profile” and “wow, you sound amazing” guessing I should get rid of #1 because about 1 in 10 are asking me how to cure a headache – LOL

Thanks for the advice, it helped me to shift my focus from what I want to what I have to offer someone else.

This brings joy to my cynical and hardened heart. It’s enough to make me shed a happy tear. Wait, scratch that. She did use that fateful phrase “…be yourself”. Regardless, to keep the happy train in motion, let’s remember the follow-up to the dating exercise for women (link below) where reader Bellita had this experience:

I’m seriously amazed at how many more handsome men there are in my city than there were one year ago. But of course, it was not the city that changed; it was I.

Even Susan Walsh over at Hooking Up Smart chimed in on that one (link below). Hell, one recent commenter said that my advice helped her get herself a man. In a delightful irony, I had to ban that very commenter. Ah, the life of a blogger.

The essential truth to Red Pill wisdom simply works in the context of dating and relationships.

The feminine attracts the masculine (bossy and domineering ain’t feminine, Ms Sassy Pants)

The masculine attracts the feminine (Showing excess emotions ain’t masculine, Mr. Sensitive)

The Vicious Cycle of Lies and Misinformation

Online Profiles Used By Bossy And Domineering Women

Helpful Hint For A Woman’s Online Dating Profile

A Dating Exercise For Women – Amazing Follow-Up

Hooking Up Smart – Choose Attraction

Post Recycle – Have A Social Comfort Zone

Men can get a bit isolated from a social life. With the distractions of video games, the Internet, 500 television channels; it’s far too easy for a man to retreat from an active social life. However, humans are social creatures and men are no exception to this.

The purpose of the social comfort zone is not to meet women but rather do indulge in social activities in order to maintain good social skills. A bunch of folks talking about random stuff might seem like useless small talk. It’s not. For a Red Pill man, it’s a gold mine of social knowledge to be acquired so that he can refine and/or practice his Game.

A good social comfort zone should meet some specific requirements:

Physically convenient – This should be obvious. Any extended time required to get there represents a significant barrier.

Relatively unstructured and agenda-free – The unscheduled availability is important because life is busy. Just popping in to wherever that comfort zone might be should be an option.

Expectation and of, and opportunities for, socializing – The atmosphere must be friendly to socializing. The local library might not be a good option for this reason.

Co-educational – There should be a good ratio of women to men. While the social comfort zone isn’t meant for finding dates, a guy can practice some Game.

Low social friction – Haters, ragers, and sundry assholes or bitches make for high social friction. The social comfort zone must be relaxing for those there. A bunch of people with a staunch political ideology also makes for high social friction.

Reasonably healthy – A bar with heavy drinkers is not a healthy place. Oh, this rules out the local opium den, too. A wine bar might be a better option.

A combination of regulars, new-comers, and passers-through – Having a core group of people is important to build comfort. New-comers and passers-through are good for building/practicing social skills, including Game.

Typically, the neighborhood bar serves this function but there are other options, as well. The local coffee shop can also be a social comfort zone. A regular book club can be considered a social comfort zone even though the book under discussion is an agenda and it’s a more structured setting. might even provide some options. Just know that a singles group isn’t quite the social comfort zone because of dating expectations. That’s not to say that a singles group can’t become part of an extended social life.

Guys, put the video games down, turn off the TV, stop reading Manosphere blogs obsessively. Go out and get a damned social life. Find your social comfort zone.

You’re welcome.

Weekend Weirdness – Florida (As Usual)

I know Florida is a screwed up place. Everyone knows that Florida is a screwed up place. Perhaps it’s the perfect place for me.

Back in the days of Internet 1.0, was quite the website. It’s still pretty cool and it collects all sorts of oddball stories. Florida has it’s own category on Fark. Isn’t that indicative of how weird things are down here.

So while you are surfing the Net, give Florida a quick view and know that I live here and have for the last eight years.

Fark Florida.

Lots of stories.

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