The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Two Dating Rules For Men

This is about the women you have been involved with romantically and how they have impacted your life. This is also about the new women in your life.

First Rule:

When on a date, if you feel compelled to volunteer any information about ex-girlfriends or ex-wives in any way, you shouldn’t be on that date because you’re not ready for dating.

This is an iron-clad rule, no exceptions. Ignore those bullshit rules about a man should be more in touch with his feelings and express them fully. That’s nonsense spread by idiots who don’t understand the Red Pill rules of attraction.

Of course, this brings up the second and more challenging rule:

If you’re asked about exes (which she really shouldn’t be asking), the best response is: “I’d rather not talk about things that didn’t work out.”

Credit for that reply goes to Danny (link below). Once you give the reply, change the subject with your date. If pressed for an answer, be prepared to end the date because further pressure on you is a huge red flag. It’s a sign of bossiness and premature noseyness. I understand that your date might be probing for emotional landmines but that should be reserved for after if a strong connection is established and quite a few dates have occurred.

The happy byproduct of both these rules is that you establish some mystery about your past and therefore, you. Here’s something else to consider about complaining in general. Complaining on a date is not masculine. It’s too emotional and it’s negative. Additionally, complaining also reveals too much about you and there’s no mystery in that.

Yes, after a certain age, everyone accumulates emotional experience, both good and bad. There’s nothing wrong with such experience, it seasons us and hopefully gives emotional wisdom. At the same time, a man must be able to move past heartbreak and bitterness before he can attempt dating and possibly establishing a new, emotionally intimate relationship. Women are not stupid, they can easily perceive negativity about past relationships and that bothers them, a lot.

As an aside, this rule was motivated by my friend Chris during a long phone conversation we recently had. She’s a good egg and understands Red Pill dating and relationship wisdom. In fact, she was the one who had the great online dating profile (link below).


Profile Advice For Women


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12 thoughts on “Two Dating Rules For Men

  1. Reblogged this on aneroidocean and commented:
    Good advice from The Private Man on dating rules for men. I agree that you shouldn’t share too much about past relationships, but that I also don’t mind mentioning a past relationship briefly and in a positive manner when it is necessary as context to a certain story or anecdote. In many cases, I can replace “friend” for “girlfriend” but it’s just not always feasible.

  2. Basil Ransom on said:

    I wouldn’t call past relationships ‘things that didn’t work out.’ It’s judgmental, insinuating that the only successful relationships are lifelong marriages. Indulge her inner whore by implying that you value all relationships regardless of their duration, that you value new experiences and the opportunity to grow. You can still say you’ve never been in love.

    By your insinuation, if you guys don’t stay married forever, she’ll just be another failure. A girl doesn’t want to be considered a failure, or fuck a guy who has told her that if she fucks him, that will make her a slut.

    • Hmmmmm…. valid points. This must be debated and an effective resolution must be found. We must consult the Manosphere.

      • Georgia Boy on said:

        VK had some advice about this too, remember this post:

        He writes to say “I’ve been really lucky, I’ve met a lot of cool, interesting and smart women. I’m even friends with some of them still. But I’ve heard some horror stories from my friends, it seems that a lot of girls out there like to play games or are just crazy”

        I don’t know if that last sentence is good game or not, but the first part does make sure to let her know you feel positively about your past women. Withholding the information in the early stages lets her know you won’t kiss and tell on her either, helping lower the ASD. But I’d still project that all important (to women) positive feeling about it or I’d be concerned the hamster will choose bad stuff to fill in the blanks. Good stuff in here overall.

  3. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You: Marriage Week | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

  4. I get this all the time. Before I swallowed the Red Pill, I’d give open answers and then wonder why the interaction went astray or couldn’t get a second date. Now, I just say I’m happily divorced and that it’s ancient history.

    But it’s also a minefield. A woman who presses for information on a man’s past relationships is definitely one to walk away from, mostly because it’s an indicator that she’s been burned in the past and is probing to find out if the guy is bitter or just bad at relationships. If he’s had a lot of short-term relationships, she’s going to think she’s just a pump-n-dump. If he’s been married and divorced, he’s got baggage or other issues.

    Since she’s likely looking for reasons to disqualify you, TPM’s advice here is spot on: don’t provide the ammunition, she’s already got a bandolier of her own.

  5. I thought the stock answer for this, which if memory serves may come from (of all places) “The Game,” was to say something like, “Oh, we were very passionate together, but we just weren’t right for each other.” That’s not quite an exact quote, but that’s the gist I remember. I have delivered this line several times, and it has always played well.

    The line conveys two key concepts to the woman you say it to. First, it tells her you’re passionate–a man who knows his way around a female body and will give her hot sex. Second, it strongly implies that there may be such a thing as a girl out there who is right for you; the girl will assume that means it could be her, which will often make her want to be that girl.

    What makes this line a home run is that it pretty clearly states that if you want a chance to try out for the part of being the girl who’s right for me, you’re obviously gonna have to show me how passionate you are first.

  6. Yep. Those are good rules. Being divorced, and having custody, I always get asked why that is, why am I divorced etc.? I just say “Sometimes things don’t work out.” But man do they keep pressing. I’ve also found they always ask by date two. Annoying.

    On the converse, I’ve found the best thing to get some info from them is to ask ambiguous questions and just shut up. People can’t help spilling their guts if you stop talking long enough to let them.

    • Yes, open-ended questions are the way to go. Keep ’em talking.

      I’ve taken to addressing the divorced question early on, in initial messaging if she opens the opportunity. I find the phrase “amicably divorced” sends the message that there isn’t a bitter relationship in my past. It also happens to be true.

  7. i broke both of these rules on my last date, and i think had i not had a strong frame at other times with her, it could well have blown things, so yes i definitely agree, talk to exes should be kept to a minimum

  8. I just clicked on your link to “In Mala Fide”…You might wanna check it out…..

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