The Private Man

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Post Recycle – Have A Social Comfort Zone

Men can get a bit isolated from a social life. With the distractions of video games, the Internet, 500 television channels; it’s far too easy for a man to retreat from an active social life. However, humans are social creatures and men are no exception to this.

The purpose of the social comfort zone is not to meet women but rather do indulge in social activities in order to maintain good social skills. A bunch of folks talking about random stuff might seem like useless small talk. It’s not. For a Red Pill man, it’s a gold mine of social knowledge to be acquired so that he can refine and/or practice his Game.

A good social comfort zone should meet some specific requirements:

Physically convenient – This should be obvious. Any extended time required to get there represents a significant barrier.

Relatively unstructured and agenda-free – The unscheduled availability is important because life is busy. Just popping in to wherever that comfort zone might be should be an option.

Expectation and of, and opportunities for, socializing – The atmosphere must be friendly to socializing. The local library might not be a good option for this reason.

Co-educational – There should be a good ratio of women to men. While the social comfort zone isn’t meant for finding dates, a guy can practice some Game.

Low social friction – Haters, ragers, and sundry assholes or bitches make for high social friction. The social comfort zone must be relaxing for those there. A bunch of people with a staunch political ideology also makes for high social friction.

Reasonably healthy – A bar with heavy drinkers is not a healthy place. Oh, this rules out the local opium den, too. A wine bar might be a better option.

A combination of regulars, new-comers, and passers-through – Having a core group of people is important to build comfort. New-comers and passers-through are good for building/practicing social skills, including Game.

Typically, the neighborhood bar serves this function but there are other options, as well. The local coffee shop can also be a social comfort zone. A regular book club can be considered a social comfort zone even though the book under discussion is an agenda and it’s a more structured setting.

Meetup.com might even provide some options. Just know that a meetup.com singles group isn’t quite the social comfort zone because of dating expectations. That’s not to say that a singles group can’t become part of an extended social life.

Guys, put the video games down, turn off the TV, stop reading Manosphere blogs obsessively. Go out and get a damned social life. Find your social comfort zone.

You’re welcome.

https://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/09/20/have-a-social-comfort-zone/

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8 thoughts on “Post Recycle – Have A Social Comfort Zone

  1. For someone travelling the country slowly this sounds like a good idea. What do you recommend as the best place for someone only staying a few months?

  2. Nice post. Except for the structuredness, I found all of these in Toastmasters (I went for a while to Madrid toastmaster’s gatherings, perhaps it’s time for me to go back one of these days). Also, you get to learn public speaking.

  3. I agree wholeheartedly.

    Had a stretch a few months ago where I was working a lot and was saving dough so entire days would pass without me talking to more than a handful of people. My social ness had atrophied, and when I finally went out that week I was literally unable to carry a conversation.

    Now I go out of my way to be as social as I can so this doesn’t happen again

  4. You can’t beat sitting at a bar with cocktail and striking up a conversation with whoever is sitting by. It’s healthy for the mind and the soul.

  5. DC Phil on said:

    To me, the important thing here is a sense of structure. Trying to find male friends on one’s own often ends in disappointment, using my own experiences as a basis. If the men my own age aren’t married, in relationships, have kids, work long hours, have long commutes, etc., there might be personality quirks that, like the dreaded American Frau, make them unsuitable for LT friendships. If not, then they might just be flakey — also, like younger American Fraus. Flakiness I hate in both men and women, but more so in men because of one’s need, as a man, to have more male friends. What to do?

  6. This, for me, is the neighborhood bar. A place I’ve been a regular at for over 12 years. To the point where it’s nearly family. We’ve married a lot and buried a few. A couple of memorable–even if the memories are foggy–bachelor party trips (what happens in Vegas definitely stays there). Spent the evening of 9-11 there. A large group of regulars and a large group of friends.

    This is definitely not a place where I would pick up women–though there have been times. But TPM is right that places like this are great for practicing Charisma.

    I also play in a darts league out of this place, which increases my social circle.

    The only drawback is that my ex is also a regular; we agreed as part of the divorce that it was neutral ground, in that I would embarrass her by sleeping with any mutual friends, though what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

    Having a place like this is what helped me get the Red Pill down. A place that allowed me to keep social skills alive and even try out some Red Pill techniques in a safe environment, kind of like training wheels.

    I do my real work elsewhere, and the extended circle provides some other opportunities. I’ve only ever brought one woman I’ve dated there, and I won’t do it again unless it’s really fucking serious.

    Every man needs a refuge.

  7. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You: Marriage Week | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

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