The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

This Has Been Going On For Awhile…

This video is long at 25 minutes. You have been warned.

It’s important to understand the date when this was first aired and that the book in question was published: 1997. 15 years later we are seeing the manifestations of that social change trajectory.

The book’s author is still active with her own blog (link below). She’s got a pretty big hamster and she’s incapable of being critical to women. She’s blue pill all the way and knows nothing of evolutionary psychology.

The social trends we cover in Manosphere blogs have been documented long before we showed up on the Internet. Her comments about marriage, adultery, and female sexuality are interesting and sometimes infuriating but a lot of Manospherian themes were raised well over a decade ago.

Darma Heyn Blog


Single Post Navigation

17 thoughts on “This Has Been Going On For Awhile…

  1. Mike43 on said:

    Meh; I checked her blog; waste of time. Hasn’t been updated since Feb 2011. If she’s not interested enough to update in 18 months, I’m not interested enough to read it.

    By the way, what is it with these ladies carving out “relationship expertise” with no credentials to back them up?

    “Heyn attended Northwestern University and graduated from the University of Southern California, where she studied psychology and English.”

    Great an English major from a second tier university, with a class in developmental psychology is now the new expert. Since 1982, no less.

    More feel good hucksterism.

  2. Apollinian on said:

    So, in summary, ‘fun’ is the basis of a marriage, and adultery is a wife’s means to find herself… this is just one more precursor to the “Eat, Pray, Love” syndrome that many modern women use to justify their actions and utter lack of character. No depth or insight in the video, just a bunch of statements that she wishes to be true, so that she can have a chance at accepting herself.

  3. Vicomte on said:

    I made it fifteen minutes and five seconds.

    Do I get a prize?

  4. dejour on said:

    Umm, yeah marriage involves compromises. This is true of women and of men.

    If you are not comfortable with that, don’t get married.

  5. My buddy is a wedding photographer and he said the common theme he has seen for a successful marriage is the amount if sacrifice, compromise, and respect that the couple have for each other and must be equal and mutual

    • just visiting on said:

      Considering that most men desire respect over love, and women desire love over respect, perhaps a smidge more on either side.

  6. Vicomte, you’re a trooper. I didn’t make 3 minutes. Hearing her prattle on and on about how the woman realizes how she’s changed and isn’t the person she was, especially because she’s making him a hot lunch…

    I thought change and growth as a human being was something to be held in high regard? Apparently peter pan syndrome can inflict women too?

    Maybe there need to be a “woman up” campaign for these ladies who want to revert back to their childish ways instead of honoring their commitments.

  7. To me, it seems like she is uttering rationalizations a woman might make if her husband is to beta. In other words, take the unhappiness she feels because she is married to a beta, and place the cause of it somewhere else–something like she is no longer the person she once was, or other psycho-babble.

    Thats my best guess. I just don’t listen to women like this anymore because they simply cannot articulate the truth, either because they cannot see it of they are too PC to acknowledge it. Almost all female advice on women (or men) in relationships is garbage.

  8. Gannicus on said:

    2 minutes of that video made me thank god I’m not married and reminded me why never to do it. Women these days want to get married, they don’t want to be married.

    • “These days”?

      This video was first broadcast 15 years ago. That’s roughly half a generation. The Manosphere has been around formally for just two or three years. This is not going to be easy.

  9. Johnycomelately on said:

    Married identity is different from single identity…..go figure who would of thought that?

    What a wank.

  10. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You – Cypher’s Week | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

  11. siquaeris on said:

    She says a lot of things that are completely wrong, but she says a lot that’s right too. Women have no idea how to be married.

    Disclaimer: I didn’t finish the video (saw about 14 minutes) because I’m off to take my daughter to a soccer tourney. I’ll finish watching it tonight.

  12. OldBoy on said:

    Got into about 40 sec’s before thinking I dont need to put up with this crap, came back and I think it was about 85 seconds in when I stoped again, around the time i’m assuming she is trying to explaine why marrige shouldn’t require a commitmeant from women.

  13. I wouldn’t say she’s totally blue-pill. In fact I think she identifies a number of blue pill problems (marriage desexualizes both men and women) even takes on a number of red pill things (she specifically attacks the idea that women are naturally monogamous).

    She’s definitely biased and there’s a LOT of hamsterization (good lord…) and clearly mistaken ideas to sort through, she does have some decent insight about the institution of marriage and its impact on people.

  14. Finally watched the thing. With a glass of premium, small-batch whiskey for fortification.

    I agree there are some Red Pill insights here, but they’re really only half-insights. She sees the matrix, but doesn’t really understand it. Her response is to try to make a more perfect matrix.

    For example, she sees the hypergamy that drives female adultery, but she doesn’t understand it. She says that women find nurturing, attentive men and get from them what their missing from their husbands. Well, yeah, but take it the next step. Of course the men she’s betraying her husband with are attentive, they have no commitment or investment and are attentive, mostly in bed. Men who have affairs are deemed psychologically deficient, but women who have affairs are returning themselves to themselves and are just going through a kind of therapy. Ah, the solipsism…

    Marriage is like anything else in life that’s worthwhile, it’s a mix of daily drudgery and hopefully fun. She complains that once a couple gets married they all of a sudden discover the house needs cleaning. What, it didn’t need cleaning before? Yes, kids definitely change things, and she is right that to be successful, having fun in a marriage is essential, but that’s a burden on both parties, in and out of bed.

    Of course, she doesn’t address a big cause of unhappiness and divorce: women get fat and withhold sex and men get bored and withdraw. And if women listen to her advice, it’s only going to lead to more broken marriages.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: