The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

The Comments Make The Blog

I am continually stunned by the thoughtful and well-written comments that my blog garners. This is from AnonWriter:

Women have been brainwashed their entire lives about what they’re supposed to want, and they’ve fully bought into it all. Over and over again, women will tell men what they ‘want’, and it’s no surprise that men have come to believe what women are telling them. It’s in magazines, TV shows, movies, websites, everywhere. There does exist a handful of men in this world who realize, however, that what a woman says about what she wants and what a woman really wants are often two completely different things.

Now, what happens when such a woman receives everything that she thinks and says she wants? She feels strangely unhappy and unfulfilled, and this confuses. It’s confusing to others around her also. After all, she has everything she (or any other woman) could have ever ‘wanted’. However, when you recognize the effects of social programming on women, the unhappiness makes complete sense: she is out of touch with her own needs and, as a result, her man isn’t supplying what she really needs in their relationship. This is not the man’s fault, because she (and society) have constantly fed him bad information, day after day, year after year, about his responsibilities and what her needs are supposed to be.

So what does the man do in the face of his woman’s unhappiness? He tries even harder to please his woman. He keeps doing what didn’t work before, and he does it with even more vigor. And what does this have the effect of doing? It makes him even more undesirable, probably even repugnant to her. She doesn’t understand it, so she chalks it up to love being lost or some other rationalization. The man feels lost and frustrated – he feels like he’s done everything right, given her everything she’s ever wanted, and this is the result? The relationship ends, but all is not lost because this is his watershed moment – when he is finally capable of seeing some truth in the world.

I guess it all boils down to one thing: the human condition does not change just because a group of people want it to change.

Social expectations… oh, how we are all screwed up.


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13 thoughts on “The Comments Make The Blog

  1. What Anon said about a woman being further put off with a man was remeniscent of a description of a how a man tries to improve himself after a woman has an affair and it turns her off even further, according to a book review written by F. Roger Devlin.

    Anyway, not to be intellectually honest and taking on a personality defined by a social construct seems to be very weak-willed. Women are the weaker sex without a doubt.

    • P Ray on said:

      When a woman has an affair she has usually lost all feeling for her spouse.
      F. Roger Devlin is spot on with his assessment, preceding the author of Women’s Infidelity.
      And they want to be the first to initiate divorce … because the guy who “disappoints” should not be allowed to have the first move.
      The loss of physical affection is the first clue.
      The loss of consideration, the second.
      Being snippy, third.
      Looking for arguments, fourth.
      Inability to accept responsibility for own actions, fifth.
      Genuine self-experience with this type of woman, is not necessary. Predictable patterns emerge if one asks questions of divorced men.
      Unless a woman has actively spent her life not living according to stereotype … she is. And hence those pointers above are useful.

  2. LostSailor on said:

    Absolute truth.

    I went through exactly that process over many years of marriage. The manosphere came along too late to save that, but oddly, it’s helped me manage the divorce and post-divorce relationship with the ex.

    I will not make the same mistakes again.

  3. That’s the story of my sixteen-year marriage, right there.

  4. Red Pill Convert on said:

    Stumbling across Athol Kay’s blog ( was my entry into the manosphere. The three biggest insights for me so far:

    1) A woman’s actions are far more telling than her words. This is especially true when actions and words don’t match up. That, to me, is a key lesson of AnonWriter’s comment — pay attention to what she does, but take what she says with a grain of salt. Or even a shakerful sometimes.

    2) Lifting weights really does pay off — better sex, better relationship in general.

    3) My wife wants me to be more alpha than I’ve been in the past, so I am doing it. Experiencing the results has done wonders to reinforce my emerging mental frame.

    • P Ray on said:

      The man being able to leave her to be with someone better than her … is the man who has her loyalty.

      A corollary to the phrase “Behind every successful man is a woman”, is
      “Women CHOOSE successful men” (and then complain when his success is appealing to other women too). Heh.

  5. Anaïs on said:

    This is one of the best comments I have read. True all the way.

  6. So fucking true. An old friend’s wife checked out of their marriage after almost 20 years. We were talking and one thing he said was “my big mistake was thinking that my job was to make her happy”, which is exactly what I’ve been telling myself about my marriage.

    If I could give one piece of marriage advice to single guys (besides take the red pill and don’t do it): IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MAKE HER HAPPY. If she can’t be happy on her own, then leave her on her own.

  7. Very true. Women want what they have always wanted – to be led/controlled by a strong male. If they grew up without a strong father figure they crave it and will do anything to get it. Never listen to what a woman says she wants – look at her actions, they tell what she REALLY wants.

  8. Pingback: What I’m Reading 7-12-2012 « I Left The Matrix

  9. I agree with all your comments.

    A good friend of mine’s wife just asked for a divorce after 10 years of marriage. She is an attorney and he’s a custom home builder. When they were about to get married, she had second thoughts because she didn’t think he was strong enough for her. She flat out said before they got married, “You need to become more of a man. You need to grow.”

    All through their marriage, she said things were fine. But little by little, her actions told the real story. She stopped wanting to have sex. Then she stopped wanting to spend time with him. She became more short and bitchy over the years. Until finally she broke.

    My friend is a great guy. But he should have seen it coming by her actions and not her words.

    • Custom Home builder sounds like a manly position. Maybe the mistake he made was marrying a female lawyer. If she makes more money than him that’s a turn off for most women. When she wanted him to be more of a man is that her way of saying “make more money?”, even if you are in a more souless job?

      My brother married a 6-fig making female lawyer and she is a hypergamous bitch. Im just waiting for her to have an affair on him.

      • P Ray on said:

        Most men marrying women their age are hopelessly outclassed by her relationship experience and experience with lies.
        It’s self-evident, as more women in any given sample have more relationships than men …
        because women choose whom to be in a relationship with, and how a relationship is classified.
        It’s not a stretch to say that at some level, her becoming appealing to him, came from truth carefully dispensed to make her look attractive to him.

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