The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “June, 2012”

Post Recycle – From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

Note: I’m recycling some older posts because only 200 posts are currently displayed on my blog’s home page. As I have almost 310 total posts, over 100 posts aren’t immediately available. The following post was published back in March, 2011 and it can be found here. The comments on the original post are interesting.

For the most part, the private sector work environment is a masculine place. The business of making money has little to do with emotions. The capitalistic marketplace is the realm of logic and reason in order to create and sell profitable goods and services. It’s really that simple. If there is not enough profit, there is no point creating that service or that item.

Men have historically dominated this social and economic realm. In the last two generations, women have entered the workforce. That didn’t change the essential rules of capitalism. Women had to adapt and they often did so out of economic necessity. Women adapted reasonably well. They adopted masculine traits to cope and succeed. Having such traits is not necessarily a bad thing in the right context.

The problem is the transition back to home and hearth, there is none. A woman is still in work mode when she returns home. There are tasks to organize, things to manage, kids to herd. A woman’s work (and career) is never done, after all. Whither the husband or significant other? He’s likely a beta. He’s toiled his day in the trench cubicles taking orders all the while. He’ll happily defer to the woman’s relationship leadership despite losing her respect for him. He’s used to it. His mom, single of course, told him to be nice and follow orders.

What if she’s married or committed to an alpha man? If she wants to maintain that relationship, she must transition to a feminine role in a brief span of time. That span is 35 minutes, about the average commute time. In that period of time, she must embrace her feminine nature so she can be the loving wife/significant other that she is supposed to be. Of course, if she truly loves her man, embracing her feminine nature for him comes naturally and without much thought. In fact, she should be thinking of that while she is still at work. Suggestion to all the guys in long term relationships: read Athol K (Married Man Sex Life).

If her man is a sad sack beta, the transition from masculine to feminine is a serious struggle. The woman sits in traffic and wonders “why I am doing this?”. She then fires up her audio book of Eat, Pray, Love (turning off NPR) and makes a mental note to tally up her man’s finances and then to look up divorce attorneys while he is having fun with the kids.


Weekend Weirdness – Cutting Off Florida

Yes, Florida is a truly weird place. While this odd state is home, there are times when I want to do this to Florida:

I realize that this is a bit harsh (and includes generally innocent northern Florida), the social and political dysfunction of the sunshine state makes it sometimes completely incompatible with the rest of the country. Perhaps it’s perfect for me.

If you should find a middle-aged, bald, white dude lurking about the Florida borders while carrying a hand saw, pay him no mind… it’s just me feeling a lot like this frustrated Bugs Bunny.

A Social Risk Is Still A Risk

The willingness to take a risk is one of the hallmarks of a man with Charisma and confidence. When a man takes a risk, women get all tingly. Normally, a masculine risk is considered something physical or financial. Skydiving and short selling Facebook stocks are both excellent examples of what would be considered masculine risk. Men and women both know this. Taking these kinds of risks is a clear demonstration of masculine confidence. As we all know, the masculine attracts the feminine.

There is one type of risk that yields attraction from women but is generally given short-shrift by men. However, it’s a risk that far too many men are unwilling to take. It’s the social risk. The classic social risk is for a man to approach a woman and initiate a conversation. The unwillingness to take this particular risk is known as approach anxiety. The man is so afraid of rejection that he’s unwilling to take the risk. The solution to that, by the way. is outcome independence, very tough to achieve.

But any social interaction contains an element of risk. This is why the expression “polite company” is used. We have rules for social discourse to mitigate the risk of being offensive or insulting. Men are supposed to be humble and women were supposed to be demure. Now women seem to be expected to be sassy, outspoken, and even abrasive. (Link below). As the expectations for women have changed, why not allow men to break away from the whole humility bullshit?

My friend Danny (link below) uses ordinary and ritualistic social interactions to risk drawing attention to himself. Seeking such attention is not an act of humility, as is normally expected from men. When dealing with service women – cashiers, for example – he responds to the standard, “how are you doing?” not with a quick and softly spoken “Fine” or “Good”. He responds with a loud “super fantastic!” Such a response serves to almost brashly draw attention to himself. He reports that this always yields a smile and a complete change in the nature of that ritualistic social interaction.

My young colleague with the cheesy mustache discovered this when he was ordering lunch at a local burger place. I had told him about Danny’s approach. When asked “how are you doing?” he responded with an enthusiastic “Fantastic!” According to him, the girl behind the counter smiled and was immediately friendly, to the point of calling him “Boo” during the brief interaction. My colleague was taking a social risk by responding in a way that would draw attention to himself. The outcome could have been that the young women behind the counter could have thought him as weird or perhaps even creepy. But her attraction needle jumped a bit because most women respond favorably when a man takes a social risk.

Before my male readers start taking social risks, it’s extremely important to understand the overall social context. The two examples of risks I mentioned were in a ritualistic and completely safe environment. While women do respond well to a man who takes a social risk, it’s only when she feels safe and  and not threatened. Approaching a woman walking home late at night is stupid folly. As well, the man must have good social skills and body language to take any type of social risk so as not to come off as creepy. (link below).

One of the core tenets of Charisma is that a man should be approaching and initiating social interaction with anybody. Another way to put it is that men should take social risks and be willing to receive attention.


Danny from 504

Succeed Socially

Online Profile Codewords Used By Bossy And Domineering Women


Post Recycle – Why Feminists Hate Us

Note: I wrote this post last year and it garnered some great comments. It’s worth posting again. Original post here.

Feminists loathe anyone who participates positively in the Manosphere – PUA, MRA, MGTOW (defined below). I used to attribute that feminist loathing to simple man-hating. That was too basic, too binary for me and didn’t seem wholly accurate. I finally figured something out with the help of a blogger, “girlwriteswhat” and video a found over at Dalrock’s blog. She has an interesting blog and at least one excellent (if long) video.

While some radical feminists might be up for some righteous hate upon men, the average, card-carrying feminist simply can’t loathe all men. That’s because they need men, they just can’t admit it. As girlwriteswhat states clearly in her video and in some of her excellent posts, men are still expected to sacrifice their very lives on the alter of womanhood. Men have the social obligation to put the needs of women before the needs of themselves. This is the ultimate privilege that women possess.

Us Manosphere guys, the Red Pill men, the guys who figured it out, we know better. We don’t put a woman’s needs before our own. Run into a burning building to save an unknown woman? We’d think twice. It’s that hesitation which galls feminists so much.

A PUA sees an attractive woman? He doesn’t think twice about her relationship status, his needs come first. That galls feminists, too. A man eschews a committed relationship with a woman to live on his own terms? How dare he put his own needs first? He must be a man-child.

When I read Amanda Marcotte (no link from me) rail against MRAs, I know that it’s simply an expression of her incredible fear that she won’t be rescued first from the burning building. Yet she and her ilk continually denigrate the aggressive nature of masculinity – they use the rape culture proxy – that provided the vital attitudes of ambition, achievement, competitiveness, and assertiveness that built our civilization. Note the hellish hypocrisy of women bashing masculinity yet still expecting men to suborn their needs to those of women.

Even women who don’t identify themselves as feminists feel extremely awkward when confronted by a typical Red Pill question: “What do you bring to the table in terms of dating and a relationship?” The sense of awkwardness is a manifestation of fear that perhaps the man asking the question has learned too much about female privilege and male sacrifice.

Feminists tore up their side of the social gender contract and are desperate to keep men upholding their unbroken side of that contract. But the Manosphere keeps shining a bright spotlight on how that contract is so badly broken and that men should simply no longer sacrifice themselves for the needs of women.

PUA – Pick Up Artist

MRA – Men’s Rights Activist

MGTOW – Men Going Their Own Way (Confirmed bachelors, amongst other things)

Coldest. Advice. Ever.

The Roissy/Heartiste blog (link below) is not a warm and inviting spot on the Manosphere. It’s a cold, heartless, and cynical place. It’s also the source of amazing truths regarding relationships ‘twixt men and women. The comments are astoundingly good and a rich source of savage, Red Pill wisdom.

Here’s your sign (link below):

My advice. If you want to develop the right attitude towards women, and are a beta, try this. If you have a pretty good girlfriend, no real faults, and maybe you like her quite a bit. A keeper, of sorts. Just dump her one day. Out of the blue. No explanations. Just get your stuff and go. No further contact. You will feel like such a son of a bitch, you will fundamentally alter your self image. You are heartless, after all. Then, child, you will be ready to take on the world, women included. The guilt goes away and life is better in every way. Not kidding.

The woman can be replaced.

I do know a 23 year old who has a boyfriend. She remarked to me: “When I am through with this boyfriend, I am going to date money.”

She’s a nice kid, too.

As the milk of human kindness is still a proportion of my blood, I’m not going to recommend this advice to every guy. But let’s face it, such an approach builds the kind of emotional strength a guy needs when dealing with women and relationships. It’s the ultimate frame-building exercise.

Here’s the vastly ugly truth: “The woman can be replaced.” That’s analogous to a woman flipping through online dating profiles and finding the slimmest of reasons to reject a man’s profile. The gander has learned from the goose.

Welcome to Dating 2.0…

I’ll be poolside.


Heartiste: Spot The Beta Male Tell Comment

Off Topic, Sort Of… A PDF Book

It’s an entire book and Charisma (Game) is a strong theme. It’s not edited, only linked. If the author wants me to pull it, I’ll pull it. I’ve read a bunch of it. Of course, I love this type of writing.

The Hunt



The Manosphere yields some terrifically thoughtful blogs and comments. It’s spectacular that men are abundantly sharing truths and Red Pill wisdom. It’s even better that it’s mostly behind the media scene. Ian Ironwood – that wordy fellow – posted about masculinity being a pathology (link below). That post yielded an incredible comment [with some editing]:

Male liberation has arrived. It’s just that male liberation doesn’t look like (for everyone) changing the nappies with a smile, being a supportive kitchen bitch to Sally Ballbuster breadwinner wife, or learning to live an a puppy-dog egalitarian (read: female led) relationship. More often it means video games and Sports Center and playoff tickets and riding motorcycles and on and on.

Just as liberation for women meant that their traditional roles were now optional, liberation for men means the same thing – but that doesn’t mean that men are “liberated” to become “male wives” and “male mommies”, taking on the roles that women were liberated from (doesn’t sound much like liberation for men, does it?), but that men are liberated from having the expectation of having any role or responsibility at all other than those voluntarily undertaken.

That is the mirror image of female liberation, and it is already happening – and the feminists and their whiteknight supporters hate it because it isn’t what they wanted for men.


Men have indeed been liberated. Sadly, most men consider liberation as the process of becoming Mr. Mom or Sir Kitchen Bitch, as the comment states. Red Pill men have learned that such liberation is about choosing what is right for them, not the expected life script as determined by the broken social contract ‘twixt the genders (link below).

Male liberation has produced three primary unintended consequences:

Pick Up Artistry (PUA)

Men’s Rights Activism (MRA)

Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)

I won’t provide the background information on those. Do some digging. It will be elucidating. There are other results to men’s liberation which are typically denigrated as puerile. Guess what? That’s choice in action. When women make choices, it’s empowering. When men make choices, it’s immature and selfish. Guess what? Tough shit. Tear up one side of a contract and the other side can be torn up, too.

It took quite awhile for men’s liberation to reach this point. Men had to suffer the indignities of becoming the Sensitive New Age Guy (SNAG) back in the 80s and 90s. But when the Internet took off – I was there, it was cool – and men could share information, the Red Pill seed was planted and it’s yielding excellent results. Hypergamy? That word is reaching the mainstream media because of Manosphere communication.

Men’s liberation can only continue to gather momentum. Men are free. Most of them simply don’t know it.

The Red Pill Room

The Broken Gender Social Contract

Why Feminists Hate Us

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