The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

A Social Risk Is Still A Risk

The willingness to take a risk is one of the hallmarks of a man with Charisma and confidence. When a man takes a risk, women get all tingly. Normally, a masculine risk is considered something physical or financial. Skydiving and short selling Facebook stocks are both excellent examples of what would be considered masculine risk. Men and women both know this. Taking these kinds of risks is a clear demonstration of masculine confidence. As we all know, the masculine attracts the feminine.

There is one type of risk that yields attraction from women but is generally given short-shrift by men. However, it’s a risk that far too many men are unwilling to take. It’s the social risk. The classic social risk is for a man to approach a woman and initiate a conversation. The unwillingness to take this particular risk is known as approach anxiety. The man is so afraid of rejection that he’s unwilling to take the risk. The solution to that, by the way. is outcome independence, very tough to achieve.

But any social interaction contains an element of risk. This is why the expression “polite company” is used. We have rules for social discourse to mitigate the risk of being offensive or insulting. Men are supposed to be humble and women were supposed to be demure. Now women seem to be expected to be sassy, outspoken, and even abrasive. (Link below). As the expectations for women have changed, why not allow men to break away from the whole humility bullshit?

My friend Danny (link below) uses ordinary and ritualistic social interactions to risk drawing attention to himself. Seeking such attention is not an act of humility, as is normally expected from men. When dealing with service women – cashiers, for example – he responds to the standard, “how are you doing?” not with a quick and softly spoken “Fine” or “Good”. He responds with a loud “super fantastic!” Such a response serves to almost brashly draw attention to himself. He reports that this always yields a smile and a complete change in the nature of that ritualistic social interaction.

My young colleague with the cheesy mustache discovered this when he was ordering lunch at a local burger place. I had told him about Danny’s approach. When asked “how are you doing?” he responded with an enthusiastic “Fantastic!” According to him, the girl behind the counter smiled and was immediately friendly, to the point of calling him “Boo” during the brief interaction. My colleague was taking a social risk by responding in a way that would draw attention to himself. The outcome could have been that the young women behind the counter could have thought him as weird or perhaps even creepy. But her attraction needle jumped a bit because most women respond favorably when a man takes a social risk.

Before my male readers start taking social risks, it’s extremely important to understand the overall social context. The two examples of risks I mentioned were in a ritualistic and completely safe environment. While women do respond well to a man who takes a social risk, it’s only when she feels safe and  and not threatened. Approaching a woman walking home late at night is stupid folly. As well, the man must have good social skills and body language to take any type of social risk so as not to come off as creepy. (link below).

One of the core tenets of Charisma is that a man should be approaching and initiating social interaction with anybody. Another way to put it is that men should take social risks and be willing to receive attention.

 

Danny from 504

Succeed Socially

Online Profile Codewords Used By Bossy And Domineering Women

 

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17 thoughts on “A Social Risk Is Still A Risk

  1. Good advice, this.

    Responding with “fine” or “good” is just one of those things I do without even thinking about it. What it’s really saying is leave me alone/don’t ask me any more questions. It’s like the least you can do. Like, I’ve shown that I can interact normally and ritualistically, so don’t bother me any more.

    On the other hand, “super fantastic” sounds kind of goofy.

    • “Super fantastic” works well for Danny. Have you seen a photo of that guy? He’s short, bald, and ugly… and has the confidence of 10 men.

    • TPM-

      Thanks for the linkage. And yes, I’m the polar opposite of “tall, dark, and handsome.”

      Mojo-

      What a lot I guys fail to realize is that “purposeful goofiness” from men gets major tingles. I’ve rarely had it fail.

  2. Accepting social risk is one thing. Accepting outright abuse is another.

    • P Ray on said:

      Accepting outright abuse depends on where the date is likely to be happen, if one is set up.
      In a high-end restaurant you are likely to get someone who leaves you footing the bill and possible a boring date. (Since when was love about money?)
      In a low-end restaurant you have a higher chance of being allowed to be goofy and thus close the physical gap quicker (relaxed standards of behaviour there).
      Of course, someone who despises you sends the signals early: turning up tired or moaning about the day, telling you all about her family problems quickly, talking about how men who do drugs are so exciting.
      On to the next one then!

  3. Danny’s social convention interrupt is a great thing. Ever stood facing away from the door in an elevator? Similar deal – you’re shaken someone out of their daily rut by being bold

    An alternate version of the loud “fine” I do sometimes is to look side to side real quick and then lean forward – she will too automatically – I’ll then whisper” Fucking fantasitc – btw, you smell great” and then stand back upright and go from there.

  4. Jay in DC on said:

    Retail chicks are SUPER easy to scoop for this very reason. Two of my longest term fuck buddies were two girls I scooped at the makeup counter in department stores and both were not too bright and pretty hot. They sit their all day chatting with aging mummies who don’t have to work anymore and are trying to keep their heels out of the grave and look the part. When even a guy of average looks comes and chats them up they are automatically interested just to get out of the drudgery, if even for a brief moment. In fact, now that I am talking about it again, I may go pick up a couple new plates to spin in this fashion next week. If you hit department store girls midday you already have one foot in the door.

    • P Ray on said:

      Quite a lot of the success with women is knowing where their shitfits don’t work, and will actually get them in trouble with regards to their continuing employment.
      It’s fun to watch hostage game, since women have no problem playing that too (remember back in the day when the prettiest girl in class would ask you to do a favour for her … in front of the entire class?)
      Never feel bad about running hostage game: you are also spending your time, thinking and interest on her.

      • Richard Cranium on said:

        But can a captive audience that HAS to be nice to you or else be a true test? It’s one thing if a natural banter happens to start with someone in a retail situation but I’m not sure how chatting up the girl at the makeup counter who would ignore you if she wasn’t on the clock is a worthwhile use of time.

        Like I previously said my “game” is weak and maybe I just don’t get it. I’ve worked retail before and customers that just chew up your time can be highly annoying and distracting and there’s no good way to tell them to shuffle along.

      • P Ray on said:

        Do you observe how normal women HATE average men?
        When you speak to them, they act like you are crazy?

        Coming from that,
        have you heard of the principle, that when you smile at someone you dislike long enough, you eventually come to like them?

        Women understand this VERY well (Which is why to a degree, hostage game is necessary): if she’s going to underrate you (which is unfair FROM her) … put her in the position where NOT dealing with you nicely, is going to get her in trouble (which is unfair FROM you).

        They treat nice guys badly BECAUSE they don’t want to be attracted to them.
        It is not a coincidence that women are “suddenly” attracted to men they will later say “are bad for them”.

        The maths is simple:
        -1(from her) – (-1)(from you) = -1 + 1 = 0.
        Zero-sum.
        Get to hostage gaming already – be the nice hostage taker 🙂

        Women have almost all the jobs in fashion, retail and makeup.
        It is up to men to make them earn their pay. Otherwise, giving money without results is just inefficiency. Or corruption, by not challenging a woman in that position (since no good thing is easy).

  5. Nine Furies on said:

    Nice jay, thats def worth a try. I usually see pretty hot chicks workin the counters too.

    Recently I started saying “fuckin awesome” when asked how im doin. Pretty much same/similar reactions to Danny’s line. Totally changes the interaction from monotonous everyday simpleton talk to something genuine.

    I also think delivery is everything too and when thats dialed in right it doesnt matter what you say really.

    • Try “fucking awesome, covered in awesome sauce.” it’s all about taking her out of her monotonous daily grind and standing out from everyone else.

      90% of the women at my supermarket know me and grin from ear to ear when they see me. When you do this all the time, when you actually meet a women you’re interested in, you’ll be effortless as you chat her up and number/kiss close. One of my recent posts explains how to close strippers. Let’s just say, the girls that work at my local strip club LOVE me.

      Stay up.

  6. I was out at a salsa event tonight and asked a woman to dance. I asked how she was doing and she said, “Fine.” She asked how I was doing and I said, “Spectacular!” The smile that she gave me was priceless.

    I was wearing a three-piece suit which can be a challenge to dance is and she asked if I were hot. I said, “Always.” Another priceless smile. Now I just need to spend a little more time on Succeed Socially to improve my conversation skills.

    • Keep this in mInd- when you deliver the responses you posted, ALWAYS follow it up with a smile and a wink.

      It adds a layer of confidence and playfulness that will have a woman eating out of your hand.

      Stay up.

  7. The Geographer on said:

    When I’m in a good mood, and in a ritualistic situation, such as with the cashier, I reply with resounding, “Outstanding!” and it always receives a positive response. Doesn’t matter if the cashier is a young hottie or an old lady.

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