The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “May 16, 2012”

Online Dating And Geographical Undesirability

A regular reader sent the following email [parts of it edited]:

I’ve been active in online dating for about two years now with inconsistent results. Currently I post on OKC and POF. I reside in a small town, essentially an ex-urb, about an hour from [big midwest city] and about the same distance from two other sizable cities. I enjoy small town life except for the scarcity of eligible women.

The excuse I hear over and over from women online is that I live too far away. This irks me tremendously. You would think she would be flattered that a man is interested in her, with him knowing he’ll certainly need to travel a ways to meet her.

Sometimes, online dating and geography are a poor match. A city with a fairly dense population presents more online options for both sexes. Our hero lives in a small town while the women have more options in the local city and are obviously loathe to travel far for a date. I feel his pain and understand his frustration. Life is often about trade-offs.

He then goes on to present some Red Pill wisdom analysis for the challenge he faces:

1. A half-hour travel from the beloved metro area: no ‘gina tingle.
2. These women already have a surplus of male attention due to living n a larger metro area.
3. As a result, and because they’re special little snowflakes, they fully expect a dreamy guy right down their street. Never mind that they haven’t met him there yet.
4. Also as a result, they’re even more disposed to actively look for a reason to reject a man who approaches them. There will always be another.
5. Hypergamy: Instead of looking for Mr. Right, at best they’re looking for another rung further up the ladder, while they wait for the alpha of their dreams to come along and sweep them off their feet.

Am I right? I think I am. And if I am, how do I use this insight? Is there a way? Any light you can cast on this will be greatly appreciated.

He’s pretty much correct in his analysis. Each item is almost universal in this country. I will only take a mild exception to number three, the snowflaking. Given that the mid-west tends to be a friendlier place that tends to encourage modest thought and behavior, I am discounting some of that snowflaking.

As for alternatives, I present these:

A. Lie in his online dating profile about where he lives to put him closer to one of the cities. The truth will ultimately have to be revealed, however.

B. Refine his geographical search to the more distant suburbs of the best target city which are closer to his exurb. That’ll make driving distances less but will also reduce options.

C. Take the time to drive to the city on weekends to use some real life Charisma. If he meets a woman in person, it’s not so easy for her just to click a mouse and display the next online profile. Sadly, that’s a lot of driving for him every weekend.

I invite my readers to present other suggestions and input to address this fellow’s plight.

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