The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Escalation Trajectory

Finally, it all came together in a very nice choreography of Charisma. This past Friday, after work, I stopped in for a glass of wine at my local wine shop/bar. There were about five or so patrons at the bar, most of whom I am acquainted with. They were all clustered together for conversational purposes where the bar takes a 90 degree turn to starboard. Several seats away was an attractive woman whom I think I’d seen before. This iron is hot, it must be struck. Let’s break it all down…

1. After unloading my helmet and bag, I sat near her, not directly next to her but not with the other patrons. Guys, it’s important to be a little bold. Perhaps this woman wasn’t single but it’s no matter. Any opportunity to chat up a dame must be seized.

2. After ordering my wine, I opened her. “Good evening” I said in my deepest radio voice. It was intended to be comically formal. Guys must make the initial contact. It worked. She turned to me and smiled. Helluva radiant smile on this woman. I am a complete sucker for a gorgeous smile.  Hubba hubba.

3. Small talk commenced. In the course of the conversation, she qualified herself. “…my boyfriend, he died by the way, was also in technology…” Yikes, her previous boyfriend actually died. While this left me a bit flummoxed, she was chatting away quite comfortably so I let the conversation continue. Her continued conversation, despite that bombshell, showed her interest – actions over words.

4. This woman, Didi [name change, of course], was turning out to be a funny and quite pleasant. I subtly checked out her figure – short stature, in very good shape. She’s a solid 7, age adjusted. Speaking of ages, I couldn’t quite tell her’s. She could have been forty. But then she dropped a serious hint about her age. She declared that she’s a grandmother. Double yikes. I’m in grandmother territory here.

5. Maintain frame! Maintain frame! When interacting with a new, potential paramour, it’s way too easy for me to revert to the blue pill mentality. I checked myself against this. “You do realize that it’s your job to entertain me.” This line proved remarkably successful throughout the conversation and beyond.

6. Escalation trajectory is key. The conversation was good. I stood up and whispered in her ear “You’re going to see me again.” Make statements, never ask questions. She smiled at this and seemed quite eager. Something else, too – when she referred again to the deceased ex, she stopped referring to him as her “boyfriend”, she referred to him as her “friend”.

7. Leave first, but get the phone number before doing so. I did both.

8. Texting Charisma soon commenced! Texting with good Charisma is an art and a science. The limitations of texting are obvious so the words and phrases must be selected with great care. I am a master of the opaque technique. My favorite reply is “exactly”. If she laughs (“lol”), I come back with “exactly”. If she says anything vaguely complimentary towards me, my response is always “exactly”.

At some point the texting became more goal-oriented. She raised the issue of ice cream. I ran with it.

Me: “[My local ice cream place] is better and is within walking distance of me.”

Her: “I’ve never had ice cream there.”

Me: “Consider it an invitation.”

Her: “What do you have in mind?”

Me: “Ice cream and for you to continue to entertain me.”

Her” No, I mean when, silly.” [dang!]

Me: “Soon”

Next day texting:

Me: “Hey”

Her: “Hi”

Me: “And that’s entertaining?”

Her: “Did I mention that I can juggle?” [qualifying herself]

Me; “Me, too. Five objects at once. Did I mention that I can speak one language?” [escalation]

Okay, the following texts are pretty boring but the punchline comes here:

Me: “But I am your type.”

Her: “Smiling and speechless.”

Winsauce for the Private Man. A date was made and kept. Kissing resulted. Good times were had by all. Didi is a fine dame. She’s smart, funny, and damned good company. She’s about my age. Yeah, her hair is too short but that’s easy to over look because of that smile. Criminy, if women just smiled more, the world would be a better place.

Another date is planned for tomorrow.

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33 thoughts on “Escalation Trajectory

  1. Bwana Simba on said:

    Damn you are much better at texting than I am. This is the one weak spot of my game as I made the mistake of relying on phone game (which nobody uses anymore) as I thought it was manlier to call instead of text.

  2. The Seething Lurker on said:

    Way to go PM. “You do realize that it’s your job to entertain me.” That’s good, gonna have to use that. One of my text gems that is well received is the pompous sounding “Seething Lurker is pleased.” It rewards good feedback without sounding beta.

  3. Rico on said:

    I think there’s a typo in #6 (You’re going to see you…)

  4. alwaysl8ylike on said:

    I read that blog What Women Never Hear, and he’s always talking about how women need to smile more. I’ve started smiling more and this seems to please my husband especially. And I over heard my dad nearing 70 telling my husband how sometimes when he sees a pretty girl it just makes his day. This shocked me. I agree with Rico about the typo…

    Love your posts Privateman, esp these type. Good luck!

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      Completely agree about the new rules in Dating 2.0. Back in the day just having a steady job and no prison record was good enough. Today women have an overinflated sense of entitlement and the 90/10 rule is in effect where 90% of the women are only attracted to 10% of men.

      It’s even more pronounced depending what part of the country you live in. In a place like South Florida, LA, NY or any large metropolitan are where there’s lots of money and things to do the bidding starts at you and what you can offer. In a place like that even the average female has to expend very little effort to find someone that is taller/richer/better looking that you. She simply has no need/desire to settle and her options are greater in Miami rather than say in Kansas City or Fargo.

      I’m not a huge proponent of game but one of it’s main purposes is to help guys level the playing field and help them to appear to have a higher status. Which sometimes even works.

  5. Wow that’s a lot of smooth effort. Impressed yet saddened at the same time. Saddened that men have to do this. Let the west fall.

    • P Ray on said:

      If women appreciate a civilised society, they will pick up the tab for making rational and sustainable choices, and reward the men they “claim” to want, when those women are at their most desirable.
      Anything other than that, is attempting to run a con or fraud.

    • You are saddened that men have to do what? Have fun? It doesn’t sound like PM is working hard, or “jumping through hoops” as another commenter said. It sounds to me like he is having fun chatting with an attractive lady. If you think that sucks, there’s always internet porn and video games.

      • Actually, I’m having a fine time chatting with this woman. She’s a real peach and I’m going to pitch some serious woo in her direction. However, I’m still spinning plates and working the online dating thing. While the Private Man is a bit smitten, he ain’t stupid.

      • Im saddened by the RELATIVE effort between what PM is making and what I think his target is making (PM effort >>>>> Target Effort). He’s doing the work, she sits back and appreciates. In earlier times men didnt have to peacock (PM and his biker garb) or other wise “show off” with scintillating conversation to attract a woman, because he simply just had to have a decent job and a kind personality. Nowadays a man must really clearly be better than her in appearance and in conversation to attract her. This is sad and outrageous, because its unfair, and other reasons to long to list. Yes, porn is an option (thanks Ian!).

      • This is Dating 2.0 where men have to really up their stuff. We’ll never go back to the days of the decent job and kind personality being sufficient for men. It’s not fair in the least to men. But us few Red Pill guys are in on the secret and so we can use our knowledge to our advantage in the dating and mating game. Those other guys? They can learn and take the Red Pill. If not, they need to stay out of the fucking way.

        This is where dating gets interesting. When I’m pitching woo at a fair damsel, it can often be work. I have to worry about being too available or not too available or I’m texting the wrong thing or this thing or that thing, yadda yadda yadda. YEESH! But sometimes it doesn’t feel like work because there’s a stronger attraction and sense of connection with a particular woman. I am experiencing this now with Didi. I like it because it doesn’t feel like work. I’ll still keep other plates spinning, as I said before.

  6. Reader on said:

    ^^ Like NMH, I’m also a bit saddened. Why is this effort and jumping through hoops required for a grandma over 40? This very blog was the one where commenters overwhelmingly claimed how women over 40 were “past it” and that no effort was really required for them. Yet no matter how much we men deny it, a moderately attractive 40- or 50-yr-old woman will still be approached… and somewhere, on a female blog, she’ll be posting, “Older women don’t get approached and courted? Says who???”

    • I doesn’t matter how old women are….as long as they look better than their similarly aged cohort, they will get attention without making any effort for it or without any consideration of how difficult their personalities may be. What struck me was how clever our PM is, and it almost seems that the target is not showing in any way (other than her looks) she is worthy of it, possibly because she simply cannot. The attractive women really do ride for free, and there is not a damned thing that will change that.

      In the words of Loverboy (heh) “Your whole life, it comes to you for free. You wear it well, it comes so naturally.”

      • …as long as they look better than their similarly aged cohort, they will get attention…

        This, in spades. It must be stated again and again and again:

        Men are visual.

        Women still seem to find this challenging and it boggles my mind.

      • Richard Cranium on said:

        It is amazing how many women can’t grasp this simple concept. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living, what you’ve accomplished, who you know etc. if you don’t visually stimulate us i.e., we wanna bang you, it all of that makes no difference.

        I dated a girl a few years ago that lived in a one room apartment with her mom, drove a crappy car, and had a low end retail job. None of that mattered because she was cute, not a bitch and had sex with me. There was an age gap which ultimately became an issue which ended the relationship but we’re friends to this day.

        As far as the age factor I agree with the above it’s all how you take care of yourself and how you carry yourself. The last girl I dated was a year older than me (we’re in our mid-40’s) but it didn’t matter because she’s sexy and has kept herself up. My former hairdresser is probably the hottest 51 year old grandma you’ll ever see easily outclassing girls half her age. She takes care of herself and works out and is proud of her appearance. She’s also one of the few that “gets it.”

    • If a woman respects herself to take good care of herself, the age wall can be triumphed.

      • Reader on said:

        I actually completely agree (even though someone rated your comment 1 star, lol). My point is, if that’s the position we take, then we shouldn’t be hypocritical, and scold all women over 40 as old and unattractive, because as we’ve seen, they will VERY MUCH be approached and flirted with, contrary to the wishful thinking so often promulgated in the Man-o-sphere. I once made a comment about this and was flamed. Actually, right here on this blog, there was a post titled “the feminine attracts the masculine” where everybody heaped scorn on older women 40+ as ugly and undesirable. The solution is not to be hypocritical, and I say this as a man. Women over 40 still wield an enormous amount of power in the dating game even if they’re “moderately” attractive. As we know, a 41-yr-old in the UK (Samantha Brick) got national attention for how many offers she had from men. Let’s be honest, please. Too much posturing going on in the manosphere.

      • LostSailor on said:

        Samantha Brick was a well-known columnist and quite possibly an attention-whore, so not really a good comparison. Though not a bad-looker.

        As was said above, if a woman over 40 makes an effort to maintain her attractiveness and femininity, especially her weight, she will be approached, mostly by older men. Whether those are the quality men she would have held out for at an earlier age is an open question.

        It’s not hypocritical to scold in general women over 40, because a majority, perhaps even a great majority depending on location, have not maintained their attractiveness and are generally very overweight. Scolding them can serve as an object lesson to the women who do make an effort.

        It’s also not hypocritical to say that while the wall can be surmounted if a woman makes the effort, most don’t and suffer for it. It’s not posturing at all.

    • Reader on said:

      I was browsing reader reviews for the book “Marry Him” where a female author (Lori Gottlieb) advises women not to delay marriage, because older women’s dating prospects get progressively bleaker, as women find out as they get older.

      Well, guess what, one of the very FIRST reviews I come across is this:

      “As a 37-year-old, here is my take on the book… She went a bit overboard in explaining how there are no men, because even in the small town I moved to, some men have approached me.”

      This is literally one of the first reviews, go on and you can find it there.

      This is reality. It is reality because of actions like The Private Man’s. I don’t blame him, but let’s acknowledge reality. Women’s choices don’t really get THAT much smaller with age in this country, if middle-aged men still succumb to any cute-looking female as if they were still desperate young guys in ther 20s, and have to resort to trickery and game.

      • Women’s choices don’t really get THAT much smaller with age in this country

        If they are pining away for Mr. Talldarkrichhandsome, the average 40-something woman will face a tremendous man-shortage because Mr. Talldarkrichhandsome has far more options spanning a wider age range. Also, the average 40-something woman tends to be overweight (to obese) and will only find a surfeit of perfectly ordinary middle-aged single guys who lack in the Charisma department. I lead a perfectly ordinary life with perfectly ordinary looks but I actively work on my Charisma as I urge all perfectly ordinary guys to do the same. Of course, it’s not easy to de-program one’s self from a few decades of brain-washing. A man with Charisma sets himself apart from the perfectly ordinary.

      • Reader on said:

        ^ What is tragic about your post is that even obese or overweight women, middle-aged, will STILL, as you say, find a “surfeit” of “perfectly ordinary” single men happy to take them… in middle age!!

        Is this something you consider normal? Is the collective self-esteem of American men so low that they accept a lifelong struggle (even for OVERWEIGHT women 40+ LOL) as the “default” option for themselves? Why does a perfectly normal middle-aged man have to jump through hoops to get a “somewhat” attractive middle-aged lady, who isn’t even all that young? Why are American men so out of options that the bar is set SO low?

      • Here’s one of my older posts that’s worth a good read and explains a few things in more detail:

      • LostSailor on said:

        The collective self-esteem of American men *without Charisma* is so low that they will only have the default option of mediocre, overweight, middle-age women. Whether their actually attracted to them is a different question.

        Charisma shouldn’t be seen as jumping-through-hoops. It’s more self-improvement and knowing how to play the game by the new rules. A normal, middle-aged man with Charisma should be setting the bar higher and the age lower.

        The answer to your final questions is “the unintended consequences of feminism.”

      • @ LostSailor ‘A normal, middle-aged man with Charisma should be setting the bar higher and the age lower.’


      • Richard Cranium on said:

        @Reader here’s a couple of real world examples of this I experienced at a former job.

        Female 1. Early 40’s, borderline obese, 2 kids with 2 different dads, lived in a trailer, nasty disposition, dead-end retail job. She had multiple guys chasing after her including one that wanted to buy her a car and had only seen her on webcam.

        Female 2. Mid-50’s widow. Could stand to lose a few pounds but wasn’t in shape. Still did her hair and makeup like she was a Barbie doll. Always on the prowl for a good-looking guy with money. Belonged to several online dating sites and kept after me to join one. She didn’t understand that women can just log on and have 25 new hits a day to pick from and the average guy doesn’t have that option.

        The point being that even substandard women have multiple options when it comes to dating and the average guy doesn’t. I’ve likened it to the difference to women having the finest buffet laid at their feet and guys are fighting over crumbs from toaster they found on the trash.

      • LostSailor on said:

        I’d amend that slightly. Substandard women have options dating substandard men. I’d hazard that average guys would rather be celibate than date Female #1

  7. Dude, you show tremendous discipline and self restraint. Not one “I scream” joke? Do you have anaphalactic reactions when consuming low-hanging fruit or something?

  8. Anaïs on said:

    Well done PM. I love men who whisper in my ear.

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  11. Phoenix on said:

    I got a tip for you gents…

    You want more charisma? Then stop focusing on sex and stop masturbating. More sperm warriors waiting to be unleashed = more charisma. (full tank >>> half-empty tank)

    There ya go. Out.

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