The Private Man

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Archive for the day “May 10, 2012”

Addressing Social Awkwardness

Human beings are social animals. Given the conditions of our hunter/gatherer forebearers, it was vital to band together for survival and reproduction. The urge to be social continues on for most of us. There are certain skills to be successfully social, primarily, don’t make other people pissed off or uncomfortable. Even brutal and domineering dictators have to smile and make idle chit-chat in certain social situations. “Why yes, Comrade Stalin, it has been a cold winter and thanks for not having me purged. Why yes, I’d like a glass of vodka, thank you for offering.”

But social skills don’t come easy for a lot of men, primarily the younger crowd who lack good seasoning that only age and experience can bring. There’s even a DSM-IV disorder for the extreme end of social awkwardness – social anxiety disorder (link below). Social awkwardness is devastating for young men seeking out girls. Making a girl uncomfortable quickly yields the “creep” title. In the hot-house atmosphere of high school or college, the creep sobriquet is social homicide committed on the unfortunate fellow. No cool parties for him. No entry in the circle of the popular and gregarious people. The involuntary isolation inflicted on a young man who is socially awkward can result in deep psychological scars and profound resentful bitterness that can linger for decades on a man’s psyche.

When we speak of Charisma and getting close to a woman, social skills are absolutely necessary. From approach through comfort, a man must know how to communicate effectively if he is find himself in an intimate situation, maybe including a romantic relationship. Yet there is not much discussion in the Manosphere of how to grow past social awkwardness and develop good, successful social skills. Many of the guys here unfortunately take social skills for granted.  Worse, the socially awkward are preyed upon by slick PUA “gurus” who pitch canned systems that only work with guys who already have good social skills. It’s small wonder that many guys fail with these systems and express great anger at being effectively ripped off.

I cannot give lessons in good social skills because I was never particularly socially awkward. I can, however, point to the best free resource I know on the Internet for a man to learn how to address his social awkwardness:

Succeed Socially

I was introduced to this website years ago. It’s written by one guy who was quite socially awkward and decided to address it with masculine logic and reason. The essays and exercises are sound and can certainly work. Some of the lessons are quite basic. A younger man needs basic lessons, after all. I don’t even know who created the website. It doesn’t matter because the content is so good.

Social skills and confidence can come hand in hand, or, good social skills are built on top of an already healthy confidence sub-routine (link below). Regardless, I cannot stress enough the importance of good social skills, whether for practicing Charisma, or just being a well-rounded man.

Social Anxiety Disorder

The Confidence Sub-Routine Expanded

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