The Private Man

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Archive for the day “March 29, 2012”

De-Programming The Programmers

This is for you technologists – programmers, systems guys, database dudes, and any other guy who deals with technology where predictable output results based on consistent input. Human beings are not computers. This goes especially for women. Yes, there are some generally consistent behaviors a man can expect from a women based on consistent input. But you will never get completely consistent output, ever.

I find it almost alarming when technologists start trying Charisma and quickly get frustrated because the results were not as predictable as they wanted. After all, technologists spend their working hours on technology that yields predictable results. Frankly, technologists usually suck at Charisma. Such failure is based on three fundamental reasons:

1. The confidence sub-routine is not functioning properly.

2. Social skills have not been developed.

3. Way too focused on predictable outcomes.

A dynamic social interaction with a woman (verbal conversation) is not a football game. There are no huddles, time-outs, or commercial breaks. Such an interaction is fluid and relatively unpredictable. Consider the basketball game as a better analogy. There are general strategies but the specific tactics at any given moment must change immediately for a team to be successful. After each play in football, everything stops, tactics are considered, plays are selected, and then the game resumes. Charisma doesn’t work like that. Imagine a basketball game where the teams huddle after each basket. It couldn’t work.

Fluid and successful social interactions amongst humans requires good social skills. If a man doesn’t communicate well in a general dynamic social interaction, he’s going to fail even with basic Charisma when dealing with women. This is where social skills become so vital. Technologists too often fail with social skills because of the sometimes unpredictable nature of human social interaction. In human beings, a certain degree of unpredictability is a feature, not a bug. Get used to it.

In order to de-program from the rigid consistency of technology, a technologist should completely re-adjust his thinking regarding dynamic social interactions with women. Don’t work on a specific outcome (she gives me her phone number), don’t work on a generalized outcome (she’s comfortable talking to me), forget outcomes entirely (who is she, again?). This will be extremely difficult for you techies, I know this. I have worked with techies every day for years.

In general, technologists should make a strong effort to get out from behind the computer monitor and actually interact with live human beings, regardless of gender and age. Humans are social creatures because we had to be in order to survive. Be social, be successful.


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