The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

On Nagging

During my first marital administration (the blond phase), I came up with a simple guideline to determine if my wife was nagging when she wanted me to do something.

1st time is the initial notification.

2nd time is a reminder.

3rd time is the first nag.

I told her this guideline and her response was predictable once the nagging commenced. “You don’t respect me.” (or some variation there of). Of course, this was in my blue pills days so I had neither the knowledge nor the strength to deal with this. I simply caved in.

Toward the end of the marriage, I did everything she asked without hesitation or question. I was thoroughly, utterly whipped. When I tried to get something where she was reluctant or unwilling, I had to be manipulative and passive/aggressive. It was awful for both of us.

The nagging thing is absolutely huge for a man. It is toxic to a relationship. Hell, even the Wall Street Journal covered this issue. It’s a very good read. The solutions to stop nagging are excellent.

I see nagging as both a shit test, an indication of low emotional strength in a woman, and her inability to see how her actions affect the man in her life (selfish bitch, any?). In effect, nagging shows poor character.

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11 thoughts on “On Nagging

  1. I had a girlfriend once nagging me about doing something. I couldn’t decided between option a or option b. I decided that b took precedence over a, and I’d have to do B even though I really didn’t want to.

    As I’m getting dressed my girlfriend keeps going on, “Lets do option A. come on sweetie, you don’t want to do b, so lets just do A instead. Baby, we can do A. We have time for A.”

    While not nagging in the “take out the garbage” sense, it is still nagging. Attempting to further an agenda via excessive verbal complaining and pleading – how I’d define nagging.

    Finally, in a firm and loud tone – but without yelling – I said, “I chose [option b], now drop it.”

    She lowered her head and shied away a bit, but eventually gave me a hug and apologized for nagging. I told her that I only needed to be reminded of things occasionally, not beaten over the head with them, that I forgave her, etc. Gave her a kiss, and we were on our merry way.

    This has actually inspired a post for me, so thank you sir!

  2. A man should be in the habit of saying no.

    It shouldn’t be some big drama to say no. Just randomly say no to trivial requests, for no reason at all.

    “Bring me my purse”

    “No.”

    Non compliance therefore will not be seen as a power struggle. She will be habituated to you doing whatever the fuck you want. The default assumption will not be that she gets to get her way through requests.

    She’ll learn other ways to overall get what she wants. Being nice to you, so that you are nice back, for instance.

  3. Pingback: Nagging « Patriactionary

  4. As I posted over at hook, I think a lot of nagging starts if a woman sees us too comfortable or enjoying something that doesn’t include her, or, in the case of enjoying a game lying on the couch, both. I tested my theory a couple of times. Had the game on, but watched it in the kitchen, never settled in, looked like I was kinda’ doing something else, nary a peep. Had I been in the couch, I’d have gotten some shit. My wife expects me to do whatever it is immediately and I mean as in right the fuck now. I could be banging out a turd and she’ll get after me to jump off the pot and get to it. We’ve had some conflict; reading this now I realized I have never had it out with her about pestering me. I will now by God. I am looking forward to her next one as I am really going to let her have it. “You have registered your wish and I have acknowledged it. If I do not get to in the next 10 seconds the world will not end. If you continue pestering me it will-for you.” I haven’t been this angry in months. I love theprivateman.

  5. How should women ask their men to do something reasonable, like “little Johnny needs glasses. Please can you pay for us to go to the optician instead of going to Vegas with the boys next month.”

    • Women should be told not to follow their vagina tingles into having kids with such a cad.

      • Assuming that the woman has already had the child, and doesn’t have access to a “Back To The Future”-style Delorian, how can that woman put across a reasonable request without nagging?

    • You set up a false scenario, a Kobiyashi Maru. Has it only JUST THIS MINUTE reached the woman’s awareness that the only barrier to the son’s health care needs is the man’s Vegas adventure(s)?! If it has, she is at least as negligent as she infers him to be. Have there been no other financial complications along the way, ones that could have led to a more timely and even-handed discussion about household finances? In other words, did she tuck this away in her back pocket to pull out and use at a strategically optimal time? I don’t think situations like you describe occur in the real world for rational people. If they do occur, both the man and the woman are morons and deserve each other. So they’re not out there screwing up two other people’s lives.

  6. just visiting on said:

    My grandmother was a master of inspiring help and never had to insist. I have to admit that I’ve fallen short of her standard.

  7. Annon

    With all due respect, when the term nagging is bandied about I think of more or less mundane types of things. You’re example is not mundane-that man should be beaten to within an inch of his life. A man who would neglect his child in such a manner is not a man. But nagging is not going to change a person so fundamentally flawed. The resolution lies elsewhere, probably divorce. That situation is hopeless.

  8. I covered this in more detail elsewhere, but I had a simple cure for Mrs. Ironwood nagging me.

    I started taking off my clothes and revealed that her nagging provoked an irresistible sexual arousal response.

    She quit nagging.

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