The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Men, Beware The Narcissistic Female Blogger

I do read other female blogs, the non-narcissistic being the exceptions and I pointed those out already. I’m referring to the abundant female blogs where the blogger waxes poetic about her life, her feelings, her problems with men, her many emotional issues, etc. It’s all her and nothing but her. This is a warning to men – narcissistic female bloggers are not relationship material. It goes something like this:

A woman with emotional issues starts blogging. Her issues may be small or massive, it matters little. The blog is very self-aware but not introspective. There’s a bunch of them out there but they will receive no link love from me. Narcissists don’t need more attention.

Other women with the same emotional issues find the blog and chime in with platitudes and universal support. Negative comments are deleted. Massive validation ensues. The rationalization hamster causes the delusion propeller to spin. The blogger is now in a state of suspended delusion.

White Knights and sundry male orbiters chime in with compliments and supportive words. The delusion of emotional health is safely maintained with the added benefit male attention. “See, I’m still attractive to men!” The unspoken part is “so now I don’t have to change anything because I’m so fabulous!”

A man simply can’t form a relationship with such a woman because she’s closer to her blog and her delusions than she can ever be with a man. I don’t even recommend a fling with a narcissistic blogger because the man will likely appear in a blog post with some insane nickname. “I had a date with hat man yesterday and let me tell you all the ways he sucks.”

I have a peer in the Manosphere who actually pursues female bloggers. He’s a tough player with supremely tight Charisma and he knows he’s swimming in polluted waters when he pursues such bloggers. He owns up to his decisions so I won’t fault him too much. For the rest of us, find out if the woman has a blog before you even consider asking her for a date. If she blogs, she’s gone.


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31 thoughts on “Men, Beware The Narcissistic Female Blogger

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Are you talking about the clinical definition of a narcissist or just referring to someone that’s an attention-whore? Being a narcissist means you have a lack of empathy. Narcissists are also notorious for verbally/emotionally abusing others. Narcissists don’t like appearing vulnerable, so they would’t purge their emotions and bad experiences for the world to see.

    I don’t see how these blogs are narcissistic, but I can see how you find it annoying.

    • I am using the street definition of narcissist, not the clinical one.

      Your point is well taken.

      • DC Phil on said:

        Indeed. There are many definitions of the clinical narcissist. The worst are those who lack empathy (more properly, sociopaths) and who are seriously delusional.

        We’re all narcissists to some degree since there’s the drive to focus on ourselves. We couldn’t survive unless we devoted at least SOME attention to ourselves. A problem arises when we can’t extend ego boundaries to include someone else.

  2. Anonymous on said:

    Ah, I get your point now. As a woman, I do agree that there’s no mystery or allure when you put all of your stuff out there. Dating isn’t therapy.

    • It’s not a matter of mystery and allure, it’s when a person feels they can never be criticised or have to own their bad decisions that they become unbearable.
      Of course, when they’re past the point of bearing children and can’t afford surrogates or adopt, the world is spared further fallout.
      But in the meantime they have whiteknights available to them and a biased legal system that turns feelings into facts.
      You can’t deal with a person who doesn’t want to be accountable.

  3. As I said in an earlier comment today, the validation and attention a blog can provide can be addicting. I say this as a recovering attention whore. I had so many friends tell me that my blog was a big part of why I was single and meeting/dating the wrong guys. I ignored their warnings for YEARS. I ended up scaring off or flat out losing some really good and decent men because I was more concerned with entertaining an audience of people who, for the most, did not have my best interests in mind.

    A man simply can’t form a relationship with such a woman because she’s closer to her blog and her delusions than she can ever be with a man.

    Absolutely. What’s funny is that many of these bloggers will play the “I’m afraid to be vulnerable/hurt” card over and over again. yet they are perfectly comfortable spread eagle-ing on their blog and laying out all their dirty underwear for a bunch of strangers to sniff. They’ll be vulnerable on the internet, but not with a man, because when they do it on a blog they’re told by readers how “brave” and “real” they are. They are completely oblivious to the fact that many people are telling them that because they don’t want the stream of self-obsessive neurosis to end. The blogger becomes a side show act.

    Making matters worse is that these bloggers naturally draw to them other egomaniacs and misanthropes who see the world in the same skewed way, thereby validating all the warped perceptions the blogger has.

    What none of these women understand – mainly because they’re told by other bloggers and female friends – is that pretty much every man will see the blogger as a liability. They are not intimidated or jealous. They are turned off by what they perceive as the bloggers lack of boundaries and bottomless need for attention. Too scary and too much work for even the most confident of men.

    I was reading a blog last week. The woman has been dating a guy for about 2 months. At the one month mark she revealed that she had been dating the guy and he was great and everything was great. And in swooped all the comments congratulating her for “finding happiness.” There was something so condescending about their comments. It was if they were saying, “Oh, good for you. You FINALLY got one to stick around!” And then to make it worse, the guy she was dating swooped in to the comments and started fielding questions and telling everybody how he cherished the blogger, blah blah. Based on my experience, the only men who enjoy being deconstructed on a blog are either attention whores or are co-dependent. Those are the two types of men the typical dating blogger attracts. They either want their own 15 minutes of blog fame or are so desperate for a girlfriend that desperately want her “friends” to like her. Having had experiences with both, I wouldn’t let my guy comment one night when he wanted to reply to a certain point a reader had made about a certain scientific study which was his area of expertise. We had an agreement upfront – the two worlds would never cross paths. I would never write about him and he would never comment. Before our first date he sat and read through months worth of my posts. Had I not closed down my previous 6 years worth of posts and ceased discussing my personal life in any way, I have no doubt we never would have had that date. But that came after years of one off dates and false starts and guys who wanted to read about themselves on a blog.

    Best decision I ever made and I don’t regret it for a second. As long as the blogger keeps that blog and uses it as a way to break down every date and vent or brag, she will stay single.

    Sorry for the length. But this is a topic that touched a nerve with me.

  4. I love it when our mutual blogger friend pumps ‘n dumps one of these attention whores.

  5. DC Phil on said:

    Though this one has apparently hung up her sneakers (for now), this was one I knew about from earlier this year. I’ll give her credit in that she knows how to write and many of her date descriptions were downright hilarious, chronicling interactions with the typical DC douchebag.

    The funny thing is, when I sent her an email a few months ago requesting a date with her so that I could be featured in her blog, she not-so-politely refused, citing that she wasn’t doing the blog to get attention, she wasn’t interested in just casually dating, and that she was looking for a LTR. Uh, huh . . . then why blog about it? A public service message for all the DC gals out there?

  6. DMDC doesn’t want a relationship. She and the bloggers like her just want someone to talk about who pays them attention. They all like to talk about how men are the ones who fear commitment. But they’re the ones who can’t stop talking about how some guy “bangs like a champ” and the collection of cock shots on their phone. And we’re the immature ones?

    If you made some of these women choose between their blogs/ twitter accounts and having a committed relationship, I don’t think ti would be an easy decision for them. That would be their version of Sophie’s Choice.

  7. just visiting on said:

    Unfortunately, such blogs allow for a measure of dubious fame. Their own reality show, where they get to be the star.

    • Spot on… that’s what has always irritated me about the women behind these blogs. As if avenues like FB weren’t enough for demonstrating how busy, spontaneous, and overall awesome they are, the dating blog takes it to the next level. Another of similar ilk is

      • I looked at just the first page of the datingdc blog, and for a second I thought it had to be satire:

        “It’s about entitlement. I have a degree, a good job, clearly sex appeal isn’t a problem, I’m charming and have a killer personality. I’m entitled to the same. So it’s basically like the bullshit worth thing but bitchier with better shoes.”


  8. The ones that get me are the bloggers in their thirties and forties. It’s an endless stream of first dates and fuck buddies and frustration. I can’t help but feel sorry for a few of them. Some sound pathologically deluded or clinically depressed. It’s like their lives are on a loop. They go on a date and then report back that the guy du jour was nice….but. It’s bad date, bad date, unavailable guy who screws them for a couple weeks and dumps them, dating break, bad date, bad date.

    • That’s me to a “T.” LOL. I blog because I think the bad dates (and some good dates) are outright funny, oh and I like to write. I’m not looking for a zillion responses to my shit, or it to be featured anywhere, or for people to even know my name and location. And, I realize that I probably do a significant amount of male-bashing…but it is person specific and not a view I have of the entire manosphere.

      That’s also why I value blogs like this – written by men. I can get pretty caught up in my own experiences that it’s nice to hear someone (a stranger, albeit) say “grow up and put on your big girl panties.”

  9. As a general rule, if you’re responding in a blog comment thread and your post is actually longer than the last topic you wrote on your own blog, you might be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder.

    Just saying,..

  10. first time poster on said:

    One of the things that gets me about these women dating bloggers: they’re not that attractive (5s, usually). Fine – not everyone is a model – I get that. But because they manage to get serially pumped and dumped by non-discriminating alphas, they manage to delude themselves into thinking they can actually LAND an alpha for a ltr or marriage.

    Case in point – DMDC. Check out her flick photosteam (back from when she was in a ltr relationship with a beta, before she started riding the cock carousel). She’s an average looking girl, no more, no less (a 5 ordinarily, a 6 when dolled up):

    After dolphin swim

    Also, it’s funny how they often think they’re blogging anonymously, yet if you read their blog for any length of time, it’s not that hard to do a little googling and find out who they are (which is how I found her flickr; I won’t be a total asshole and reveal her last name).

    • Most of these 5s fail to understand that even better looking men are willing to lower their standards for a night simply to get their knob polished. And the 5s / 6s are the range where you can achieve a high success rate consistently (although not something you want to make a habit of). Unfortunately, b/c of this phenomenon many of these gals develop the outward confidence of 8s or 9s, hence the “I’m hot, successful, and deserve the best” attitude towards men. However, underneath it all still remains a great deal of insecurity and validation seeking… it’s just cleverly disguised.

      • Women are the gatekeepers of sex.

        Men are the gatekeepers of commitment.

        A 5/6 simply believes that by spreading her legs for an alpha man, it’s enough to get an alpha man to commit to her.

    • It’s also pretty easy to find their Match and OKCupid profiles. I bet that’s something that happened with DMDC. Guys found her profile by stuff she revealed in her blog and took her out pretending not to know who she was just to see what she would say.

    • DC Phil on said:

      Yikes! Good thing I didn’t go out with her after all. 🙂

  11. Hi there PM,
    I’ve been relatively absent from blogging myself… at least about dating and relationships. Now that I have to blog and write so much for my job (site editor for it’s a little tough to get too excited about writing for “fun.”

    But.. New Year, new goals, and I decided to get back with it, and thought I’d come check out what’s going on over here in the manosphere.

    I once heard that all bloggers are narcissitic. If we’re writing about our personal lives,that does seem to be a little on the “it’s all about me” side. But I don’t think this is a gender thing. There are attention-hogging male bloggers and attention-hogging female bloggers. And there are both female and male bloggers who are thought-provoking and are blogging for a variety of reasons other than simply trying to get attention.

    I’ve often questioned myself about why I blog about relationships and wrote a little bit about it here:

    I know I’ve lost dates because I blog about relationships. I had a date to meet someone and he found out I blogged and canceled the date because he thought I was “too open.” I also had a boyfriend once who I knew was very nervous that I might start writing about him. I take privacy seriously, though, and work hard to protect the privacy of anyone I’m dating.

    Though I know you’re used to getting “attitude” from me, I agree in general with the post except for the obvious gender stereotyping and female bashing. I know you are catering to your man-o-sphere target audience, but I think this post would be more accurate if titled: Beware of the narcisstic relationship blogger.

    It’s a good reminder to all of us who blog about relationships to spend a little less time writing about our own personal stories and maybe more on topics that might be relavent to others.


    • There are times when I wish to reveal my identity because there are some Manosphere bloggers who attract women with their blogs. But so far, I have refrained.

      • DC Phil on said:

        Do you really want the groupies? Seems that that’s what Roosh and Roissy got a lot of in the not-so-distant past.

    • Ray Manta on said:

      Sorry, but nearly all the trainwreck types of blogs I’ve seen are produced by women. On the whole, I see far less self-referential material by men. It’s as if there’s the shared understanding that their state of mind is just not that interesting.

  12. Some Guy on said:

    A while back, I briefly dated a somewhat flaky girl who ended up being interviewed by the washington post about sleeping around not committing. A local lifestyle blogger apparently.

    At the very least, she wasn’t on psychotropic meds and/or in therapy– like some of the others I’ve dated in this town!

    Oh well, back to being a male slut.

    • P Ray on said:

      Men are simply moving to become what “most women want” … if that means “douchey” (post-relationship rationalisation, according to the women) behaviour, so be it.
      After all, we are told that the diamond is located within the muck.
      Hence to get at that diamond we have to be prepared to go through all that muck.
      After all, we keep being told that women want men prepared to make the effort.
      Best if he has made all that effort with other women previously, so that the last one has nothing to complain about, amirite?
      I think that’s a fair observation to make.

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