The Private Man

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Femininity – You Have To Take The Good With The Bad

The Manosphere has a huge hue and cry over the lack of femininity in modern, American women. We decry the dearth of feminine appearance and attitude. Every single Manosphere blog, website, and forum has a multitude of posts and comments about this subject. It’s often strident. We are demanding femininity yet we’re not completely understanding femininity.

There is a core group of female characteristics that is most vexing to men:

  • Emotional weakness
  • Lack of introspection
  • Selfishness
  • Lack of logic and reason

It is important to know that these are female characteristics hard-wired into the female brain. They will never, ever go away. Perhaps one of my readers will delve in the evolutionary psychology behind this. With that in mind, it’s utterly pointless to waste our precious time on telling women to behave better. Complaining about these characteristics (I am guilty of this, too) makes us appear, well, feminine.

The best we Red Pill men can do is to give blue pill men the vital information required to successfully manage these massively frustrating female characteristics. It’s a sort of end run around women’s emotional sensitivities and might very well be a better strategy in the long run: “You mean men have to be taught how to put up with our bullshit?” Frankly, yes. That was the job of fathers

Fundamentally, this means that in order for blue pill men to take the Red Pill, they need to change their expectations regarding women.

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33 thoughts on “Femininity – You Have To Take The Good With The Bad

  1. Emotional weakness: women let their emotions govern them. They make decisions based on emotions. Women believe their emotions are “truth” or “fact”. Solution: Simply stand by and allow her emotions to wash over her. Let her feel them. This too shall pass. Don’t allow her emotions to govern you, even if they rule her.

    Lack of introspection: Inability to understand why one says what one says or does what one does; and often the subject does not care to understand. Solution: Put no stock in what she says. Observe what she does. She will show you who she is with her deeds. Note that you are not trying to improve her introspection; you are merely trying to minimize its effects on you.

    Selfishness: The Entitlement Princess. It’s all about her, all the time. She wants what she wants, and she wants you to give it to her right now, regardless of whether you can afford it or even want it. Solution: Learn how to tell a woman “NO.” Simply deny her what you don’t want to give her. Don’t explain. Don’t apologize. Just tell her “NO.”

    Lack of logic and reason: Failure to apply past experience or sensible principles to a given situation or problem. Lack of future time orientation. Inability to plan and to execute that plan. Solution: You will have to do most of the planning and reasoning; you will have to maintain state control.

  2. That those four characteristics are hard-wired is surely beyond doubt; but what concerns me is that the political elite act and implement laws on the basis that those four charcteistics do not exist; thus although Deti’s suggestions are surely beyond criticism – and one hopes one acts accordingly – one is powerless against a woman who cries to the state as to her alleged victimisation whether in or out of a relationship.

  3. Wudang on said:

    Reading David Deidas books are an excellent way to understand the feminine realisticly and still apreceate it

  4. anonymous on said:

    Then what’s the point of offering all the advice to women that you do? Like the “woman up” or “rules for single women” posts for instance. None of them are ever going to listen since they lack the reasoning and introspective capabilities to do so.

  5. @Everyone

    The topic introduced above should be the subject of a 100 volume treatise, massively indexed and footnoted. I am going to tell you a story.

    There once was a king who wanted to know all there is.He assembled his wizards, thinkers etc. and charged them with the task. 10 years later, they came back with a 100 volume treatise. No way said the king. So off they went; 20 years later, had it down to a single book. No way, again. So they took 10 more years and got it down to a chapter. Uh-uh, said the king. Make it one sentence.

    So after 10 more years they had it down to this: “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

    Ok I’ve been with the same woman for 33 years, so I’m roughly in the position of the king’s advisers and you, my dear readers, are the king. And here is the summation that will, if properly understood, assimilated and applied, lead to the closest thing a man will ever experience in what is referred to as “understanding women”:


    Banish all thought of “understanding” as the phrase is commonly used amongst rational creatures (i e those with dicks). That attempt will irritate you, and the psychic friction alone, without comment or any expression from you, she will sense and it will piss her off.

    Here’s an illustration, from Tom Wolfe’s “The Right Stuff”: when they were attempting to break the sound barrier in planes not really aerodynamically sound enough to do it they came up with various maneuvers that they would employ, disastrously as it turned out. They called the loss of control “the genie”, and when it hit the pilot would go into these maneuvers and almost always die. It took Chuck Yeager, he of “the right stuff” and balls bigger that Mt. Everest, to figure out that the best tactic was no tactic-do nothing; let the aircraft adjust itself. This went against everything the U.S. Air Force taught, all his training-but it worked. Letting go not only saved his and other’s lives but allowed them to survive to see the project through; Chuck broke the sound barrier.

    Keep this image in front of you when dealing with a woman. You’ve encountered turbulence (guaranteed), you’ve lost control of the “ship” (i e conversation, relationship-also guaranteed), your instincts tell you to do something to “correct” the loss of control. STOP. DO NOTHING. Stay calm, focused, BUT DO NOT TOUCH THE CONTROLS. Let her unwind through it, respond as she indicates (I’ve never met a woman who didn’t tell you what to say; I once said to my wife “will you please just tell me what my opinion is so we can move on”), make no sudden or unmeasured movements or remarks, be especially careful with your face, use the look you gave your mom when she discovered every single last goddamned cookie had been eaten but you desperately want her to believe it was the repairman, not you.

    There. That’s as much as I can say right now. You can achieve some of the equanimity you need to pull this off by remembering her bad moods, irrationality, etc. is tied to her feminine essence, the springboard from which life itself comes, and it will also bring the good ones once you get through this irrational squall.

    I said it would provide some of the equanimity, not all. It helps to have a heavy bag and gloves out in the garage.

  6. “You have to take the good with the bad”


    What is it that we can achieve? Aim for that.

  7. This is an important topic. It comes down to a decision each man must make, either to cling to an expectation of how women “should be” or accept how women “are.” I wrote a post Whose Reality Prevails?

    That is my take on navigating life and handling a woman.

  8. Random Angeleno on said:

    I recall a pastor who said something like “90% of the time, my wife is the good Christian woman I married, but oh that other 10%!” Got a big laugh out of the congregation. Basically, he was saying that even the best women will have that 10% when they’re hard to handle and how men ride that out would determine the success or failure of the marriage. My additional take on this is that many women don’t come close to 10%, they will be more like 20%, 30% even 50% hard to handle, and those are the women to avoid.

    • Maybe the women are treating the men that they don’t value, badly.
      I like working with the “terrified” angle … it’s usually correct.
      The woman that treats her man very well … is usually terrified of losing him, especially if he has other women interested in him.
      So the question needs to be asked whether she values him as a person … or as a function of what other women want,
      and whether being terrified of losing him comes from valuing him as a person …
      or being unable to face up to the idea that she may have to compete again in such fashion, for another guy like him if he leaves her.

  9. just visiting on said:

    Women live in the realm of feelings,emotions and intuition. This comes with positives and negatives. I’ll guess as to why these traits are hard wired.

    Emotional weakness – Nurturing requires feelings. Hunting and fighting off warriors ….not so much.

    Lack of introspection. – This would require looking back at events closely to examine them. Not a good thing if you’re a creature of feeling, infant mortality, older children dying, husbands dying, having to take on another husband for family survival. War, rape, spoils of war. prostitution, take your pick. Living in the now or even the future is a better defense. I’m pretty sure the hamster developed somewhere in here.

    Selfishness – survival depends on getting those bigger, stronger and more powerful than you to do what you want.

    Lack of logic and reason – Things required in the outer world of men, not the emotional world of women. I could even see problems where men might see their dominancy questioned or threatened, especially in front of other men. Hence the women retreating to one room after dinner for coffee, and the men to brandy and cigars to talk about business and political matters affecting them.

    • Interesting answers.

      This might make for a good follow blog post.


    • Women give full reign to their emotions only when they are no longer attracted to the man they’re with.
      If they’re terrified of losing him, you can bet they won’t be complaining to him.
      After all … a woman who appreciates the man she’s with … won’t be a burden to him.

    • This is VERY interesting.

      I went home in October and visited the Houma House plantation with my family. During the tour we learned that after dinner the men retired to the lounge to talk business and politics and partake in drinks and cigars, while the women went to the parlor to play piano, play cards and gossip. VERY interesting tour.

      It refreshing to hear a woman that thinks like you do.

  10. I would go further. We see these traits as negatives, because they negatively affect us, as men in the relationship. But as TPM points out, there is a positive and a negative side to femininity, and even if the negative side doesn’t serve our interests, it serves the interests of the species.

    There are plenty of women who can reason objectively. But when it comes to emotional matters, there are few women who can reason silently. Part of a woman’s emotional landscape is the necessity to “try on” a variety of feelings so she can see which way to send her Rationalization Hamster. Women think verbally and communally, and find introspection far, far more difficult than men do. She needs opinions, which means she needs feedback, which means she needs discussion before she can decide how she feels. A woman can use logic and reason, but they serve at the pleasure of her emotions. Sucks for us, but that’s the way Nature built her.

    Selfishness also sucks for us, but it helps her offspring if she is constantly trying to improve her condition. That doesn’t mean you have to capitulate, though.

    Femininity is great, even the darker side, when you stop to appreciate it in abstract. Getting pissed off about it or wishing that women would stop acting like women isn’t going to help. Understanding how and why her brain works and employing effective management strategies, that’s what will make this better.

  11. Giraffe on said:


    In the manosphere we keep hearing how women are terrible people. That’s only half the story. Men aren’t much good either. Pretty silly arguing which turd is uglier.

    Women are not inferior, just different. The may be inferior from a man’s point of view but the are not cut out for that world anyway. They are designed for a different role. Small wonder that acting like men doesn’t work out too well for them.

    Rule 1: She will, at various times, use your back like a cat sharpens its claws on a couch. You can choose one of 2 general approaches to this: a) Address the particulars of whatever contretemps she has arbitrarily chosen to use as the vehicle for your de-hiding, which is of course irrelevant to the situation and will lead to more clawing or b) accept the advice of Ray Liotta’s character in “Goodfellas” that everyone takes a beating now and then, that this is your now and then, allow her to keep at it and stay just enough engaged that you do not conjure up more anger but otherwise remain passive;remember, feed a cold, starve a bitch.

    In this you have one very big big advantage:women cannot sustain negative emotion, especially anger.And after it blows over, and especially if you’ve maintained the right/flexible-yet-rigid posture, leaning with but not opposing her,slipping her punches as it were rather than blocking them, she will feel guilty. Then you can gradually assert yourself back to where you need or want to be according to the situation.

    I’m talking her about reasonably healthy women.If you’re involved with one of those 4 alarm cunts who are always going off and pissed, well- you’re the one with the problem, not her, and I suggest you stop reading and get to the nearest psychiatirst and have him give you a Xanax enema and 16 weeks of daily one hour therapy.

  13. “You mean men have to be taught how to put up with our bullshit?” Frankly, yes. That was the job of fathers

    certainly NOT the job of fathers, now or ever

    we’re in this intractable mess precisely because we put up with female bullshit instead of opposing, revealing, and restricting it

    instead of privileging and empowering their little pricesses, fathers should limit and deny them so they dont grow up to become entitled destroyers of their cultures . . . including annihilating fatherhood itself

    hasnt a half-decade of runaway matriarchy taught anything? every concession to females, individually or collectively, only generates a new raft of demands and requirements, while the culture slowly goes belly-up

  14. I would agree with all of those except selfishness. True, I see that trait in single, childless girls but motherhood tempers it in many though not all women.

  15. flyfreshandyoung on said:

    Thus, Game. Learning how to deal with, and harness those differences between them and us to achieve successful bangs, relationships, and marriages. The knowledge and dispersion of which was hardly necessary before the Boomers in power decided women are just men without penises.

    Tying in with what Opus said, a lot of the animosity that bubbles up these days is because our laws have made it so that the emotional whims and latent selfishness of women can have some serious fucking consequences, and do.

  16. I been puttin’ up with the bad for forty seven years now. When do I get some of that good stuff?

  17. It is not true that women are emotionally weak – they are, in fact, much stronger emotionally than men, capable of feeling and processing much deeper emotions then man. What deti says in the first paragraph is still true, but it’s not emotional weakness.

  18. johnnymilfquest on said:

    We don’t have to put up with any crap from women.

    On the contrary, we should punish crappy behaviour and reward the good.

    I’m using “reward” and “punish” in the broadest sense.

    Withdraw attention and approval when she acts up or calmly call her out on her bullshit.

    Give her attention, approval and praise when she is being awesome.

    • 50fifty50 on said:

      This is a solution.
      It’s also a common parenting method..
      Surely that says something about the current state of women?

      How women, humans, can not grasp logic and reason is something that consistently confuses me.

  19. tpm
    Read an older post you made at Mala. You said to the guys dont get married, have kids, etc. Guys I can simplify it right now. Use me for an example. When I was 22 I took a “values inventory” (don’t ask) and I came up with my #1 value as freedom (I mean mine). If you say that and mean it, I got one word for you. Vasectomy. Yep-that one procedure will guarantee you will have the max freedom in your life.

    Now, one step at a time here.On that inventory were things like family,children, etc. I wanted none of that shit. so I should have got one then. Didn’t. So really mean what you say-if freedom (imagine Richie on his Guild at Woodstock) is your goal, get a snip.

    First of all, birth control. No bitch can do to you what was done to my brother and attempted on my law partner. My brother “had to get married’-yeah, that old scam. My law partner’s mistress came to him with an ultimatum-I’m pregnant, divorce your wife and marry me or else. He said congratulations, my best to the father-I had a vas 10 years ago.

    Your vas will keep a number of chicks from pushing “for the next level” (notice the reference women make to bars-it’s no accident). The ones who stick-well, divorce ain’t all that w/o kids. It’s no day at the beach, but w/o kids your bitch ass wife will have no excuse not to work so even if the accumualtion is disproportionate, it’ll be ok. It’s divide by 2-no one needs to get too hurt. Kids suffer, it ain’t there fault.

    So guys you want to make the ultimate “alpha” statement, you want your freedom as clear and absolute as a glass jar full of pure Kentucky moonshine, get the snip. I did-after I had my son. We had married with the no kids pledge. Lasted 8 years. I love my son. There is a price for that. If you have a family (as opposed to just a spouse) when the boss comes in, drops trou, bends and spreads his fat fleshly cheeks revealing the fetid wrinkled grommit itself, well, you have no choice but to extend your tongue and lick it out. You have way more stress; it’s loving stress-your little children look to you as a god, you’re all they have to protect them against the world and like it or not you have to at minimum LOOK brave so they’re not scared. And if you can’t pay the freight, be it food, clothes, rent, Christmas presents, whatever-brother it’ll hurt, really hurt right where your soul meets your heart, with your manhood crushed in between.

    Don’t take this step half-heartedly; actually, you can’t. The docs make you sign 45 different kinds of releases, and never do it unless you have had at least one visit/consultation.Some won’t do it if you’re too young (‘dunno what cytoff they use;I was 41 and I got an earful). BTW a lot of guys bail; I’ve heard 1/3. Undoing this is a motherfucker (known 2 guys who did ‘cuz wife #2 wanted it(wife #2,another article)).

    There it is. Like Boz sings “The sad old truth, the dirty low down.” It’s a bright line test boys-if you want freedom, get vas’d. Otherwise, admit you’re not really really about total freedom, that you’re a bet-hedger, and will probaly slouch your way into some sort of ankle-bracelet-type domesticity.

    And start doing your tongue-flexion exercises.

  20. Pingback: WTF is wrong with Wives these days? - Page 13

  21. Selfishness is present in both genders. Women feel entitled, but so do men. Hence all the egotistical PUA’s, etc, who are just looking for hot sex & a higher notch count.

    Hedonism and seeking status sounds an awful lot like selfishness to me.

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