The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

The Confidence Sub-Routine

I receive a lot of email marketing from businesses that sell dating systems to men. I get the most from these folks:

Shelley McMurtry
John Alanis
Carlos Xuma
Insider Internet Dating

You can click on the links just be warned that you will enter some serious online selling. They all want your email address to get any of the materials. As with all email-based marketing, you can expect to get lots of emails until you unsubscribe.

While I haven’t purchased any of these systems, it’s quite easy to see the very common approach. It’s also quite easy to see the huge and common weakness. As an aside, I have never seen similar dating systems marketed to women. From what I can see, women tend to go for dating coaches.

The dating system marketers are actively seeking beta men as potential customers. The nice guys (and NiceGuys™) who are logical and rational and want to find tactics in order to approach and be attractive to women. The dating systems are sold almost like computer programs. If the man does X, the result with the girl/woman is Y. It’s easy to see the appeal.

The problem with marketing such systems is the heavy focus on seduction and promises of quick and consistent efficacy. “Do this right now and you’ll be having sex with hot women almost immediately!” I’m paraphrasing, of course. This is what comes across when I read all those marketing emails. It troubles me greatly.

Teaching Charisma as a business endeavor is problematic. The potential buyer wants fast results with a computer programming-like system. As well, the dating system sellers want to yield the maximum profit. This arrangement presents a huge risk for potential failure. There just isn’t enough focus on the confidence sub-routine, the personality programming that provides a man’s confidence output.

True Charisma can’t be achieved without the confidence sub-routine properly installed. Indeed, dating system programming too easily fails without the confidence sub-routine installed and running properly. Installing the confidence sub-routine is the difficult and challenging part. Confidence simply cannot be taught. It comes from deep inside the overall system.

The most important element in all this is that the confidence sub-routine must first operate independently of any Charisma or dating system programming. To their credit, the dating system sellers sometimes deal with this issue. Yet no system or dating scripts is going to take the time to help with the often lengthy process of creating (or improving) the confidence sub-routine.

There is a meme running around the MRA Manosphere that the confidence sub-routine is the only programming required for a guy to be successful with women. There’s a reason I call it a sub-routine, because it resides under the Charisma or dating systems programming. A man might have a robust confidence sub-routine but without certain skills relating to Charisma or dating systems, his dealings with women will simply fail. Confidence without social skills goes nowhere with the girlies. The confidence sub-routine is not programmed to create the appropriate social skills. This is why “be yourself” is such crappy advice.

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9 thoughts on “The Confidence Sub-Routine

  1. wingman on said:

    A wise man once said, confidence simply means being able to act the same way with attractive women as you would with unattractive ones.

    It has a lot to do with how you see yourself on the scale. How you see yourself is often the result of the daily feedback you get. The trick is to change your behavior so you get better feedback. Worse, your early attempts to change behavior can result in even worse feedback – “loser! what were you thinking?” A good instructor will teach you to improve in small, manageable pieces, giving you increasingly better feedback.

    • johnnymilfquest on said:

      “A wise man once said, confidence simply means being able to act the same way with attractive women as you would with unattractive ones.”


      That was the first red pill lesson for me. I noticed that when I was genuinely ambivalent about a woman, they were more interested.

      But when I was full-on interested, that killed her attraction.

  2. johnnymilfquest on said:

    Good point Privateman.

    I think you’ve indentified why some men are so hostile to Game.

    They see the crazy hype on commercial websites, they know the hype isn’t accurate and so they throw out the baby with the bathwater.

  3. Jonathan on said:

    In my ignorant youth I bought John Alanis’s basic package. It basically said “Join Toastmasters and learn to speak in public. This will make you alpha.”

    This is in fact good advice. On those occasions where I have spoken well in public, I have been chatted up by multiple hot women.

  4. Will you go into more on how to develop this sub routine? I am looking into a Toastmasters that is local. Not sure what to expect other than doing public speeches when you get there.

  5. Pingback: The Confidence Sub-Routine Expanded « The Private Man

  6. Pingback: Study a broad program « stagedreality

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