The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “October 31, 2011”

The Confidence Sub-Routine

I receive a lot of email marketing from businesses that sell dating systems to men. I get the most from these folks:

Shelley McMurtry
John Alanis
Carlos Xuma
Insider Internet Dating

You can click on the links just be warned that you will enter some serious online selling. They all want your email address to get any of the materials. As with all email-based marketing, you can expect to get lots of emails until you unsubscribe.

While I haven’t purchased any of these systems, it’s quite easy to see the very common approach. It’s also quite easy to see the huge and common weakness. As an aside, I have never seen similar dating systems marketed to women. From what I can see, women tend to go for dating coaches.

The dating system marketers are actively seeking beta men as potential customers. The nice guys (and NiceGuys™) who are logical and rational and want to find tactics in order to approach and be attractive to women. The dating systems are sold almost like computer programs. If the man does X, the result with the girl/woman is Y. It’s easy to see the appeal.

The problem with marketing such systems is the heavy focus on seduction and promises of quick and consistent efficacy. “Do this right now and you’ll be having sex with hot women almost immediately!” I’m paraphrasing, of course. This is what comes across when I read all those marketing emails. It troubles me greatly.

Teaching Charisma as a business endeavor is problematic. The potential buyer wants fast results with a computer programming-like system. As well, the dating system sellers want to yield the maximum profit. This arrangement presents a huge risk for potential failure. There just isn’t enough focus on the confidence sub-routine, the personality programming that provides a man’s confidence output.

True Charisma can’t be achieved without the confidence sub-routine properly installed. Indeed, dating system programming too easily fails without the confidence sub-routine installed and running properly. Installing the confidence sub-routine is the difficult and challenging part. Confidence simply cannot be taught. It comes from deep inside the overall system.

The most important element in all this is that the confidence sub-routine must first operate independently of any Charisma or dating system programming. To their credit, the dating system sellers sometimes deal with this issue. Yet no system or dating scripts is going to take the time to help with the often lengthy process of creating (or improving) the confidence sub-routine.

There is a meme running around the MRA Manosphere that the confidence sub-routine is the only programming required for a guy to be successful with women. There’s a reason I call it a sub-routine, because it resides under the Charisma or dating systems programming. A man might have a robust confidence sub-routine but without certain skills relating to Charisma or dating systems, his dealings with women will simply fail. Confidence without social skills goes nowhere with the girlies. The confidence sub-routine is not programmed to create the appropriate social skills. This is why “be yourself” is such crappy advice.

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