The Private Man

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Archive for the day “October 21, 2011”

A Dilemma For The Man With Charisma

A colleague and friend, Jaime, presented a very vexing question. Some background – this friend is 30 years old and is honestly looking for a long term relationship with a woman of good character. He is of Colombian descent and has a very traditional view of women in the context of a committed relationships. Jaime knows all about the Manosphere approach to life and is well versed in the Venusian arts (Pick Up Artistry).

Jaime asked me this question: “If a man uses PUA to attract and seduce a woman, doesn’t that show she’s a woman of poor character?”

I speculate that only 20% of men use their Charisma for dark reasons and have no intention of finding themselves in a long term relationship. The remaining 80% of men use their Charisma (whether natural or learned) to attract women for the purposes of securing a long term relationship. Jaime is of this group.

There is a complicating factor. Jaime travels to Colombia often enough and he reports that girls there do not respond to American-style Charisma. “You can’t play hard to get and you can’t ‘neg them. You have to smooth them with all sorts of compliments and romantic talk.” Before he figured that out, he told me that he was shot down consistently with his American approach. Colombian culture still operates under certain social expectations. Being a smart fellow, Jaime adapted. “I can’t believe all the [flowery, romantic] shit I was saying to these girls, I was like, what the fuck?” But he was successful when he changed tactics.

His original question is understandable. A woman who allows herself to be seduced with American-style Charisma can very well be showing her poor character. His question makes clear that we have cast off enough social expectations to liberate women so they can respond to their animal instincts. Jaime doesn’t want that kind of woman for something long term. I don’t blame him.

Jaime’s question vexes me because I don’t have a clear, satisfactory answer and I sense that I should, that I’m missing something utterly obvious. Many men will simply state that yes, women who respond sexually to their animalistic natures are of poor character. For some reason, that answer vexes me more. This makes the search for a long term relationship even more challenging for the man with Charisma. Women will respond sexually and by consummating the act too quickly, this eliminates another woman. Yet the standard advice is for a man to have sex with a woman within five real dates or so.

There’s usually lots of discussion on this over at Hooking Up Smart.

Maybe I’ll join Jamie on his next adventure in Colombia.

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