The Choreography Of Attention
Sometimes it’s necessary to review old blog posts for new insights.
I walked over to the gourmet burger place for dinner this evening. Waiting in line behind me was a beautiful and stylishly dressed woman, though probably 10 years older than me. That would make her around 60, quite possibly older. She was arranging a newspaper in her hands so she could read an article.
“Anything good in the news?” I asked.
Let’s stop right there.
I first posted this over six months ago. It was a diary-like post to describe a simple encounter with a woman. In retrospect, the encounter requires further analysis.
1. I assumed that men could simply strike up a conversation with a woman. I was wrong and terribly so. Because I am in the Manosphere and the men that I know are of the same Manosphere mindsight, I made the false assumption that men can easily strike up a conversation, regardless of gender. Approach anxiety is real and, honestly, full of angst. I don’t have approach anxiety.
2. The woman in question, Eileen, was in an “attention transition moment”. This is an important concept. If a woman’s attention is drawn to something that requires her focus, approaching becomes very challenging and the risk of failure is high. But during a transition from one focus to another, there is a huge opportunity for an approach that is relatively risk-free. I’ll make it simple: if a woman has her ear buds firmly in place to listen to music, should a man attempt an approach? If she’s taking her ear buds off and re-arranging her electronics, should a man approach?
Dealing with women requires analysis and the ability to read the choreography of attention.