The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Man Talk

Back in my blue pill days, I was under the erroneous impression that women wanted me to open up to them emotionally. I worked hard to not be a macho, stoic kind of guy. Emotions were my friend and I was more than happy to share them copiously with women in my life. Hilarity and sexuality were not common themes in my blonde wife marital administration. Women actually loathe guys like that. So men, don’t be like that. You’re welcome.

Recently, a woman I am seeing has been attempting to get me to talk more about my feelings. What this means is that she wants me to talk about my feelings for her. The first time this happened about a month ago, I was caught completely off guard. It’s been years since a woman asked me questions about my emotions. Latina wife never asked such questions, she just made statements like “Hijo de puta!” and other fun, Spanish phrases.

Being caught so off guard, I said something I thought I would never say:

“I’m a man. We don’t talk about this stuff.”

After decades of being bombarded with the narrative that men are bad, women are good, using the “I’m a man” logic was a very surprising response from me in the context of discussing feelings for a woman.

Naturally, she protested and prodded me further. “You men are so frustrating! Can’t you just tell me how you feel about us?”

As I have taken the Red Pill, I understand that actions are far more important than silly words that describe feelings.

I kissed her long and hard and when I pulled away, I said this:

“Actions over words. I’m a man, after all.” I rather impressed myself with that statement.

She had to change her panties after that. Seriously.

When I’m with her or communicate with her, I never talk about my feelings for her. She has tested me since then but now I always use the “I’m a man…” rationale. It makes her tingle to know that I am confident in my masculinity and would rather use actions over words. Rollo recently wrote an excellent and relevant post on this theme.

Saying “I’m a man” in a statement is definitely confidence and attraction material. Just don’t overuse it.

There is an important nuance when using this approach. Avoid weakness in your words and phrases. Compare the following two statements:

“I’m a man. We don’t talk about this stuff.”

“Um… I’m a guy and we’re not really that good at talking about this kind of stuff.”

The second statement is weaker – the “Um” introduction – and implies that there’s something wrong with not talking about this kind of stuff. There are also too many words.

Also, don’t say “guy”, it’s too informal. Say “man” and be damned proud of it. Stand your ground, too. There’s no good reason to have those touchy-feeling conversations with a woman who is new in your life.

Naturally, many women will make scoffing noises and likely roll their eyes. Expect it. Those are just noises and are to be thoroughly ignored. If you’re dating her or in a relationship with her, kiss her right then and there and do it well. If you’re Gaming her, look her straight in the eye and smirk knowingly. Then change the subject of the conversation. The smirk is vital.

Additionally, using your masculinity to specifically avoid awkward conversations about emotions has a great result, you don’t have to have awkward conversations about emotions. Amazing, isn’t it? This technique can also be used to ward off the “we need to talk” conversations.

If you are emotionally committed to a woman, it’s OK to tell her you love her and have the mushy, emotional discussions (to a point, dammit). Hell, that’s important in any long-term relationship. The “I’m a man” conversational approach is used for the women who may or may not become serious for you. It’s a way for men to get some breathing room in the beginning of a potential relationship.

More on speech stuff.

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12 thoughts on “Man Talk

  1. Spot-on. You definitely had a shit test thrown at you. Well played.

    My typical answer to this is, “I’m with you….right.” if she pushes it she gets, “you do know I hate repeating myself, right.” then I change the subject.

  2. jaded NMH on said:

    Women are so obsessed with a man appearing strong that if you talk about feelings or mushy stuff during courtship, it will appear as needy and weak and she’ll kick you out the door. I did this so many times in my younger years Ive lost count.

    Women are attracted to uber confident men. Included in this category are sociopaths, and so if a woman encounters one and gets burned she should remember this: you gender, in part, created them.

  3. Ian Ironwood on said:

    I think that’s outstanding advice. It’s the masculine equivalent of asking a woman to explain the logic behind her reasoning, and receiving a smirk and “women’s intuition” as an answer. There are times when it is perfectly appropriate to take shelter under the Shield of Manliness, and that one is at the top of the list.

    Conversely, a long, steely stare with, “I don’t know you well enough yet to be that vulnerable with you . . . but we’re getting there” is a lovely seque into the bedroom, if you pull it off right.

  4. Good advice. I just say something like “I don’t want to talk about that.” to my wife. And that’s the end of it.

    The first things I did after learning some Game with my wife were:
    1. Stopped talking about feelings nearly so much.
    2. Talked much less about things in general.
    3. When I did have something to say, I said it and that was it.
    4. Only said “I love you” after she says it first, and even then I don’t always say it back.

    Women say they want their man to talk about their feelings. No, they don’t. They do not want to have you emote all over them. They just don’t want to hear about your feelings.

  5. jaded NMH on said:

    As Jeff Foxworthy says: women dont want to hear a man’s opinion, they want to hear their own opinion in a deeper voice.

  6. Way to go, PrivateMan.

    Women are attracted to the masculine. Men are attracted to the feminine. It’s the same thing for men: you don’t want women who act like men.

    I don’t want to date a man who talks about his feelings like a woman—if that’s what I wanted, I’d hang out with a woman instead.

    If I’m emotionally committed to a man, then heck yeah, I want him to be able to tell me his feelings for me, but he doesn’t have to do that all day, either.

    If a woman asks you to talk about your feelings for her, she’s pushing for validation, or wanting to take things to the next level. If you’re really interested her, let her bring up the “feelings” talk first. That means she’s ready to do something about her feelings. If you bring it up the “feelings” talk first, it may be too soon, and she’ll feel suffocated and back off. OTOH, she may just keep bringing up her feelings because she wants validation over and over again. Ugh. You’ve got yourself a high maintenance woman.

    Let her bring it up. You can decide what you want to do from there.

    • BB, giving a stiff “men don’t talk about that stuff” remark and then smirking sounds amusing. But it makes sense that guys in the early times of a relationship are eager to avoid “those talks” 😛 That’s really asking a lot of a man, like asking him to spill some internal fluid over a woman he’s not even totally committed to yet, to bleed for her or something. The last paragraph on the article here wraps things up perfectly: there’s a time and a place for such talks. The only sad thing to me is when married men are still wary of giving too much to their wives.

      Danny, I wouldn’t call that a shit test; it’s more of a “be aware of what you’re asking for” scenario.

      “I think that’s outstanding advice. It’s the masculine equivalent of asking a woman to explain the logic behind her reasoning, and receiving a smirk and “women’s intuition” as an answer.”

      Ach, touche. We need to evolve to being people who say what they mean and mean what they say; in the old days, men were taught both to conquer another army in battle and write love letters to their wives at the end of the day. Now that gets a spine tingle and a warmed heart.

      Jaded, your last paragraph is a good warning to women.

  7. 108spirits on said:

    “I ain’t goin’ nowhere” – Chris Rock.

    Most romantic thing a man can say to a woman.

  8. Last weekend I was chatting with a woman and said “your dress is very interesting.” I started to feel the texture as a cheap way to touch her frame (I like to start with pseudo-kinos like touching watches, necklaces or fabrics).

    She said “oh this? Yeah it’s cool…I got it at Sears, do you think that’s tacky?”

    “Dear, I’m a man – do you think I care where your dress came from [when I just want to take it off]*?”

    *I didn’t say the last part. At least I don’t think so.

  9. I want to hear more about your feelings…

    Grab her ass and say ‘It feels real nice’

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