The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

A Woman’s Unspoken Rule On Intimacy

Men should know this: Before a woman is intimate (physically or emotionally) with a man she is actively looking for reasons to reject him.

Note the emphasis on actively.

She’s making a mental note of a man’s physical, emotional, intellectual, and other qualities in order to find a reason to reject him. Many of those reasons might seem quite ridiculous to men who haven’t taken the red pill.

What women fail to understand is that by actively looking for reasons to reject most often ends with finding a reason for rejection. Consider the OKCupid statistic that women find more than 80% of men unattractive and that’s based on merely a photo. From an evolutionary psychology point of few, this makes sense. Women must really seek the best DNA for their offspring and life was damned difficult for hunter gatherers. Weakness, physical or mental, usually lead to an early death.

Before the rise of agriculture, it’s very likely that the few men who fit the bill had their pick of the women. Even in our contemporary industrial civilization, women still look to the few men who meet all the requirements. Hypergamy has been unleashed so that women are free to mate with only the selected few men. What Red Pill men know is that mating has little to do with committing. Women conveniently forget this when doing the mating.

Here comes another dilemma that women face should the man have enough positive things about him that allow the woman to accept intimacy. Her first instinct (and it does seem to be instinctual, no?) is to try to “fix” the man. Whatever bad habits he might have are the target for “civilizing” through the woman’s influence – complaining, nagging, and withholding of sex. Woe be unto the man who is successfully repaired by the woman in his life. A successful fix results in her loss of respect for him.

Normally, a woman would screech “NAWALT!” (Not All women Are Like That) when faced with this type of discussion. And while she might not be like that, the vast majority of women are indeed like that, especially regarding the almost always negative evaluation of men. As a counter to this prevailing attitude, the dating coach business has developed. Given the merciless nature of capitalism, the approach of those dating coaches must be successful or there won’t be any further business. Any dating coach who advises clients to “be nice and be yourself” (for men) and “be strong and independent” (for women) will be out of business quite soon.

The good dating coach must carefully deflate a female client’s ego to get her to be more open to meeting different types of men and stop the generally negative evaluation of men. But such a deflation must be done with great care and with many empty words of praise for the client. A fat, entitled, bossy, and domineering woman over 45 years old must be a terrible challenge for a dating coach.

Online dating makes the situation worse. With so many profiles of men (all of them being generic) it becomes so easy for a woman to say “next, next, next” when perusing profiles. These two young women perfectly display the internal thoughts of most women looking at online dating websites. [update – the video is now private, sorry guys. It showed two not-so-attractive women “evaluating” profiles on Plenty of Fish. It was quite alarming in how they quickly went from profile to profile, heaping scorn and derision on what they were seeing on the computer monitor.]

What women should be doing instead of finding reasons for rejecting is finding reasons for accepting. Of course, that would put a lot of dating coaches out of business. Frankly, I like dating coaches and I wish all them success because dating coaches are dispensing a lot of Red Pill advice.

Blue pill men will likely fail at online dating because they don’t know this unspoken rule that women employ.


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6 thoughts on “A Woman’s Unspoken Rule On Intimacy

  1. Neil Hansen on said:

    I’ve been aware of this sad fact for some time now. I’m 42 in September, and until recently I thought I would easily be able to date women 10 – 15 years younger than myself. But lately I am noticing a pattern on POF wherein the women my age are gunning for men their age or younger, sometimes significantly younger. But never older. I decided to expand my search to other countries, but no luck. The same pattern i observed in Japan. However, I will say that China and the Philippines has no age restriction. The women are lithe and supple. I am seriously considering throwing in the towel, and going the expat route.

    • In the USA, it never gets better for men as we age (unless you are a bonifide alpha), However, there is a flipside— how many older women can act as cougars? Not many where I live due to the obesity epidemic. A lot of older women where I live will meet nobody that they are attracted to. Add to that the mancession which lowers the average mens SMV more than women’s, there will be a lot of unsatisfied women out there who will choose cats.

  2. detinennui32 on said:

    this is probably why PUAs and alphas advise men:

    1. The less you say in the initial phases, the better.
    2. Don’t smile or laugh too much.
    3. Don’t make supplicating gestures.

    But in the end, a woman can always find a weakness in a man. The issue becomes whether she is willing to overlook the weaknesses.

  3. My Name Is Jim on said:

    IMO, The ones who pick faults the worst, and have the longest lists of requirements, are the ones simply not ready for serious relationships yet. It’s been said women deal with extended dry spells better than men, well consider the coping strategies available to them. Chasing non-committal alphas for sex, and letting betas chase them (but not letting them catch her). Your average beta just needs to have a good sense of when chasing is useless, and a plan to improve his lot as much as he can (sorta like a single guy’s Male Action Plan).

  4. My Name Is Jim on said:

    The oodles of men on dating sites are the single hypergamist’s useful idiots. Their job is to keep her feeling wanted and valued and not get relationships (particularly sexual ones) from her in return. Attention from them is (sometimes) welcome, requests or expectations from them are “creepy.” If she’s still in this mode, there’s nothing a beta can do to avoid being rejected, it’s 100 percent certain she’ll find a reason, because she wants to find one. It could be demonstrably wrong, even immoral, it doesn’t matter, as long as it feels valid enough to satisfy the hamster. Do this enough times to feel good, brag to her friends, and off to chase the alphas some more. But not all is lost, most women who aren’t beautiful enough to get commitment from an alpha still get married to betas, so it seems they eventually tire of the game one way or another.

  5. “What women should be doing instead of finding reasons for rejecting is finding reasons for accepting. Of course, that would put a lot of dating coaches out of business”

    Very true. Even nice women will try to eliminate all potential problems before marriage, because they want to be “sure”.

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