The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “July, 2011”

Her Reasons For Breaking Up

I have no TV.

I surf blogs.

I especially surf blogs written by young women claiming to give dating advice. It’s righteously funny stuff.

So, I run across this young woman’s blog and she has a list: “15 signs he really loves you”


No, this is a list of 15 signs of why she will break up with you.

Gentlemen, if you want to get your girlfriend to break up with you, do the things below:

1. Instead of texting, he actually calls.

2. He uses the pronoun “we” with regularity.

3. He takes allergy medication so he can hang with your cat.

4. He let’s you watch “Real Housewives” even when his team’s playing.

5. He knows your favorite flower.

6. He knows you secretly like Justin Bieber and he hasn’t told a soul.

7. He lets you have the aisle seat.

8. He likes looking at your baby pictures.

9. He remembers the dates of important occasions, like your birthday, the day you met, and when the newest season of “Mad Men” starts.

10. He puts up with your most annoying friends without complaining (too much).

11. He puts up with your crazy family without complaining (too much).

12. He talks about his feelings with you.

13. He introduces you to his mom and she already knows a lot about you.

14. He remembers stuff you said way back when you first started dating.

15. He says so (even when he doesn’t want something from you).


The List

This from Plenty of Fish:

1. Honest/Honorable
2. Witty
3. Great Lover
4. Handsome
5. Adventurous
6. Dresses Well-specially in a suit
7. Treat his partner like a princess
8. Values family
9. Makes me smile/laugh
10. Wants a monogamist relationship
11. Great Kisser
12. Responsible/Dependable
13. Loves to cuddle
14. Pays attention to detail
15. Knows how to forgive
16. Thinks I’m the last Coca-Cola in the desert
17. Good Communicator
18. Know how to fall in LOVE
19. Shows affection
20. Successful
21. A Leo born between August 13 and August 23
22. At least 5’11” or taller

I know this is a tall order to fill, but I do believe this person exists. So for all interested parties I would like to ask.

Spin , hamster, spin!

Online Dating Game And The Delayed Response

I loathe Game in the context of online dating. While I’m fairly good at it, this form of Game is irksome and frustrating for me.

Yet still I persist and yet still I am faced with the absolute necessity of Gaming online.

I have a system. I work it consistently. It works.

A few days ago I sent out a batch of online messages through Plenty of Fish. It yielded one positive response from a nice-looking blond woman who describes herself as thin. Her photos showed a 7 face and perhaps a slender build, perhaps.

Sidebar – My readers will likely note an ongoing theme regarding my preferences for women who are not fat. Finding a woman who isn’t tremendously overweight is very difficult in my age bracket. Fat is the new average and frankly, it worries me. Worse, being overweight is physically sickening to those who have packed on the pounds, men and woman alike. I will put up with quite a lot of emotional and mental bullshit in order to find a slender woman. Yeah, that goes against the tenets of Game but let’s not forget the ol’ boner test. I simply can’t get aroused with women who are too fat. My Johnson ain’t 25 years old anymore.

The response came two days after I sent out that batch of messages. Two days isn’t bad. Sadly, the message was so terse that it resembled a copy and paste job: “LOL you are funny! Nice to meet you Private Man!”

That’s it. She didn’t even bother to give me her name.

So, I had to wait before responding. There is something of a rule regarding the Game of waiting – double the amount of time it took her to respond before a guy should give his response. Make no mistake, it’s a game but with a small G. Women play games with online dating. Men Game with online dating. There is a clear distinction here.

So, this woman plays games by waiting a couple of days before responding. She’s not doing this intentionally. It’s completely natural for women who use online dating. Given her age, 49 – though she’s likely 52 or 53, I strongly suspect that she’s got a “full and rewarding life” filled with a bevy of activities and friends and sees online dating as an afterthought in her life.

So, I wait a couple of days before responding: “The pleasure is mine…but I am at a loss for your name…”

That’s it. Hell, why respond with something longer when she only sends me less than a dozen words?

I see that she has been online several times since I sent that message and I have actually paid a bit of money to PoF so that I can see if my outbound messages have been read. Sure enough, she had read my message within hours of me sending it. Of course, no response from her yet. She’s playing games. She is wired to play games.

But there is some delicious irony here. In her profile, she says the following:

I have numerous “Viewed me” and “wants to meet you” but for some reason, no emails and I got stood up with no im sorry or I was out of the country, washing my hair, whatever you guys say- just nothing and no response to my email.

OK, she sends out lots of emails to the best looking guys and they don’t respond. She’s over-valued herself in the sexual marketplace. That’s common for women. Red pill men know this. The irony is that she admits to it and then can’t quite get her rationalization hamster up to speed. She’s got a shitty hamster.

For all the women who read my blog and play games when online dating by delaying responses, don’t play games, especially if you don’t like when men do the same thing.

If you delay responses, here is what we men are thinking:

  • You’re too busy to actually go on dates
  • You’ve put us on a lower priority because you’re seeking a bigger better deal
  • You’re flaky
  • You’ve over-valued yourself (45 years old is the absolutely latest a woman can behave like this)
  • You’re married, in a long term relationship, or just an attention whore.

If you delay responses, you’re simply not worth the mental energy for us to spend a few minutes writing online messages because there are simply too many other women out there.

A delayed response gets you blocked. You’re done. No second chances. Smart men will just move on.

I did cover this in one of my early posts. I incurred the wrath of a persistent rationalization hamster and hilarity ensued.

I do hope that the red pill dating coaches – Evan Marc Katz to the white courtesy phone – tell women that delaying responses won’t get them any dates.

Blog Recommendation

When I run across a good blog, I usually bookmark it and return on a regular basis. If I were smart, I would subscribe and get email notifications.

But I ain’t smart.

There’s a youngish fellow who has been part of the Manosphere and he’s got a decent blog going on. Check it out here:

He’s definitely a red pill man.

I also think he lives in Atlanta, a city that I truly enjoy. I lived there on three separate occasions over the years and even owned a house in the northern part of the metropolitan area. While I am enjoying South Florida, I’d head back to Atlanta in a heartbeat.

Check out my man 1lettuce and encourage him to post more.



Fix Your Damned Voice

There isn’t a great deal of Game discussion that goes into the details of how a man sounds when he speaks and the confidence, or lack thereof, that is projected by that sound and speaking quality.

This is not a discussion of making public speeches. That’s oratory and I’m not asking a man to give a speech with pebbles in his mouth (ancient Greek history reference). This is also not about word choice and vocabulary. It’s about the sound and rhythm of how a man speaks in ordinary conversation.

When a man opens his mouth to speak, he’d better be ready. Remember the classroom scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? “Bueller… Bueller…Bueller”. Don’t be that guy. Here are some pointers and generalized advice:

1. Don’t be a low talker. Speak loudly enough so that you can be heard. If anyone (who isn’t hard of hearing) listening keeps saying “what?” then you’re speaking too softly. Rather than getting annoyed with the listener, just speak a bit louder.

2. Don’t be a shouter, either. Of course, if Game involves loud clubs, yelling is almost a necessity. The answer to that? Don’t user verbal Game in loud clubs. Duh.

3. “Um” and “Er” are the killers of perceived confidence to the listener. These monosyllabic interruptions are simply irritating. A confident man must be in control of his words. “Um” and “Er” shows a complete lack of control. Ask your male friends if they think you’re using too many vocalized interruptions like that. If yes, here is a good way to get rid of them – buy a desk bell (like in old hotels) and invite some friends over for beer and pizza. Assign one person to ring the bell every time you say “um” or “er” as the conversation flows. For the first 20 minutes, it will be fucking annoying to hear that bell. But after 30 minutes or so, you’ll find yourself cleaning up your vocalized interruptions. You’re welcome.

3. Speak not too slowly nor too fast. Again, ask your male friends about this. “Dude, you talk too slowly” might be the response. Listen to those male friends. If you’re speaking too quickly or too slowly, listen to your own words as you speak. It’s not easy to do and could actually interrupt your train of thought and what you are saying. Working on your voice takes practice.

4. Avoid the monotone get some rhythm. Use your voice almost like an actor. Raise and lower the tone of your voice when you’re telling a story or making a statement. There is a rhythm and a beat to good speaking. Knowing when to use a short pause (one beat) or a longer pause (two or even three beats) is crucial. Remember, this is not about making speeches. It’s about coming across as confident in ordinary conversation.

5. Try to keep a regional accent under control. A thick, regional accent can often be used against you if you’re in “polite” company. Those thick accents can all too easily reveal a humble educational background. This means you, Johnny Milfquest (inside joke with another blogger).

I don’t pretend to be a speech therapist. As well, if you’re challenged by a high voice or a serious stutter, I can’t really help. Regardless, a good voice can go a very long way to presenting a confident frame.

Next up, you might sound great but you suck at picking words.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

I found this image over at Roissy’s place buried in the comments.

There really isn’t much of a need for further comments.

My New Dog – The Game Changer

Through some interesting turns of events involving an ex-girlfriend, I have very recently come into the possession of a dog. It’s a medium/small female mutt about three years old. She has a good personality and is extremely well trained. The dog, “Lucy”, is on long-term loan or perhaps a permanent acquisition. The ex-girlfriend in question is an extremely conscientious dog owner and took very good care of Lucy. I also knew Lucy from when we were dating and I really do like this dog.

So now I have a well-trained canine to assist in my day/night Game efforts in the village. I took Lucy for a walk just now and it took a matter of seconds for a couple of milfs with kids in tow to approach me while waiting to cross a busy street. As the dog is a mix of breeds with a unique, brindle coloration, she does get attention. But there is one problem.

Lucy is an ugly dog.

She’s not hideously ugly, but she’s not an attractive at all. But as I am good with words, I have already learned how to turn this to my advantage during my one short walk alone with her.

“Oh, your dog is so cute!”

[Pause, look away]. “No, Lucy is, well, [pause again]. Lucy is ugly [depressed and disappointed tone of voice].

Holy crap, those milfs were laughing hard.

A half hour later, I walk past them again.

“Here’s that cute dog again.”

As I pass them, I yell over my shoulder, “No, she’s ugly!”

I could still hear one of the milfs laughing above the sounds of traffic as Lucy and I walked on.

As I was sitting on the famous bench in the Village, I got to thinking of some humorous commands to give to my new canine companion in order to get some laughs from the women who will stop to “admire” this not-so-attractive dog:

Lucy, vote! Vote for a viable Republican presidential candidate!

Raise the debt ceiling!

Pay my bar tab!

[Ricky Ricardo voice] Lucy, you got some ‘splaining to do. (Hey, I’m off a certain age to remember that TV show)

Dang, this could be more fun than online dating.

A dog is better than a fuzzy, black hat for day and night Game peacocking. This goes double for an ugly dog.

I may not be blogging as much.

Update from my South African friend… “so now you have golf handicap”

I’ve Had No Bad Dates, Seriously

In the past year or so of online dating, I’ve been out on a lot of dates. I’m very good at “dated briefly”. Looking back at the several dozen dates (mostly first, some second, far fewer third) I’ve had since I’ve started this, I can honestly report that none of them have been bad. I’ve never dealt with anger, bitterness, or psychotic behavior. I’ve met some very nice women (I don’t chase girls) and have had some very enjoyable time talking and sharing life stories with these mostly intelligent and interesting women.

I’ve never been stood up and only one woman has canceled without a counter offer. Actually, she might re-appear when she returns from Canada. Of course, online flaking is rampant but I pay that no heed. Online is not real life so real life behavior is not my expectation.

As for the results? I’ve kissed a few, had sex with a few, and have even started three or four nascent relationships. But most women after our first date have sent me a polite “you’re not the one” email the next day.

There are some women with whom I still communicate to get their take on the dating scene here in South Florida. It’s all been quite civilized despite the overall nature of Dating 2.0 and the fact that South Florida is more akin to Los Angeles in regards to the whole dating scene.

Perhaps some might regard me as a Lothario. Some might say that I’m really good at dating, whatever that means. If this indeed a form of successful dating, I have some reasons why.

  1. Being of a certain age. I’ve mellowed. My cock doesn’t make decisions for me any more. The women have mellowed, too. What is considered normal dating behavior for a 20-something cupcake is heinously awful once the rubicon of kids and 40 years has been crossed. I’m not saying that a 40-something woman still has unrealistic expectations. A woman over a certain age is generally more reliable and less flaky.
  2. Having a good system. I am very consistent with my approach to online dating and real life dating. I screen profiles very carefully looking for attractive (to me), intelligent, and non-batshit crazy women. Customized messages to women go out in batches of 20 every week or so. Positive responses are met with some back and forth online correspondence. The messages escalate to a phone call. The first phone call ends with a time and date for an ice cream date. We have the date, talk, do some gauging, and see what happens. By the way, I never ask what she wants to do, it’s always my job to arrange the details of the first date.
  3. Keeping at least three women in the online or real life pipeline. This makes that accepting rejection or cutting my losses is almost too easy. It also means that I usually have at least one first date every weekend, sometimes more. It’s not expensive because dinner is not involved, just ice cream and maybe a couple of drinks. This also prevents oneitis.
  4. Maintaining low expectations. With only small expectations – just showing up is enough – regarding my dates, I don’t build up some sort of mental narrative that involves seduction or more. I sense that the women are doing the same thing with me and I find that quite healthy. It’s the age and experience thing.
  5. Knowing Game. I actually don’t have to use it very often on dates. Only when I sense just a little attraction do I use many elements of Game. I am an Olympic-class flirter and can wield the sword of humor like a Ninja. When necessary, I ooze confidence. Yeah, I’m boasting. Game knowledge also applies to texting prior to dates and subsequent to dates. Brevity is the soul of wit.
  6. Living for the last seven months in a great dating locale. It’s part old-Florida, part tourist destination. It’s safe and with many good places for food, drinks, walking, etc. There is even a night club (of sorts) for dancing. An evening amble on the beach or on the fishing pier is always popular. The age mix is great. Families, teens, young adults, professionals, and retirees are blended together with tourists and snowbirds. My dates come to me because everyone knows and enjoys the village where I live. All dating is done on foot with walking times reduced to mere seconds. Should the date go particularly well, it’s but a quick hand in hand stroll to my abode d’amour. It’s also particular good for practicing day Game.

I think most guys can accomplish the first five items on that list without too much difficulty. The sixth is obviously based on geography and not many men can easily move to another place.

It would be very nice to be in a healthy long-term relationship. I can’t deny that. A warm, respectful, affectionate, and intimate relationship with a woman of character, attraction, passion, and pleasantness is my ultimate goal. But until that one very special women shows up, I can deal with this dating business quite contentedly.

Judgmental Bitch Meets Online Dating

I regularly peruse a variety of blogs including those of single women. I also often look at feminist blogs. Sometimes, the feminist bloggers post on their own, personal lives. While I find feminism to generally be a socially corrosive ideology, feminist bloggers do tend to express their thoughts – especially regarding their personal lives – a bit better than some ditzy dame bitching online about her husband or the lack of a good manicure place in her neighborhood.

This particular blogger is a twenty something New York City attorney. She’s certainly attractive, perhaps an 8/8 (man jaw alert!). Given her career, political activism, political philosphy, she would require hard asshole Game to bed her.

I’m not going to link directly to the blog where she blogged the post.  The cross post would be picked up by WordPress and that would land a bunch of young feminists squarely into my part of the Net and squarely in the middle of the Manosphere. I also request any comments to not link to the blog post should it be found.

She is writing honestly about her online dating experiences and I’ve snagged a couple of good paragraphs to comment on:

I got a lot of stupid, sleazy and/or borderline-illiterate messages which I deleted after circulating to friends for laughs, but the handful of dudes I actually met in real life (which to be fair was a grand total of like 5 dudes, so small sample size) were all totally nice and normal and I’ve remained friendly with a few, even if I didn’t end up wanting to boyfriend any of them.

What’s particularly nice about online dating, though, is the ability to auto-eliminate the people who you definitely are not going to get along with. He lists The Da Vinci Code as his favorite book? Rejected. Are those wrap-around Oakleys? Rejected. Really, Creed? Rejected. Shirtless photo? Rejected. “I like to have fun and hang out with my friends.” Original! Rejected. Did he really not spell-check this thing? Rejected. Etc etc.

An attractive 20-something girl has the luxury of screening out for such mind-blowingly shallow reasons. The problem is that when she finds herself single again in her late thirties – after the big cash-out divorce from her beta provider husband and hitting the wall of attractiveness – she will still have this selection process baggage left over from her 20s. As a side note, she currently only dates “hot men”.

Online dating makes it easier to be a judgmental bitch, I guess is what I’m saying. And in matters of the heart, I think being a judgmental bitch is a pretty good idea. That doesn’t mean rejecting people for any perceived flaw — the thing about people is that everyone is terribly flawed, and the trick is finding someone whose flaws are tolerable and maybe even kind of endearing, or at least not entirely soul-crushing — but it does mean knowing what you can’t deal with, and not involving yourself with someone out of a sense of obligation or desperation or “I’m a nice person”-ness. Straight women especially are often told that we’re too picky, and if we ever want to get married we should accept the overtures of any Good Men who cross out paths. That is ridiculous. Be picky and end up with someone you actually like.

She identifies herself as a judgmental bitch. She’s likely a “fiesty” girl with a “strong and independent” nature. The alphas she meets online in New York City will simply hump and dump her because, well, she’s a judgmental bitch. She is quite likely under the delusion that men will find her career and achievements attractive and so will be suprised as hell that she’s been humped and dumped so many times before she meets her beta provider.

There’s no point going on about how her life will turn out. Red pill men already know. There are, however, some key points about online dating to take away:

  • Messages and profiles are used for female, public amusement.
  • Online dating actually works to get normal dates.
  • Women will reject for the slightest of reasons.
  • Beware of bossy and domineering women

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