The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

The List

This from Plenty of Fish:

1. Honest/Honorable
2. Witty
3. Great Lover
4. Handsome
5. Adventurous
6. Dresses Well-specially in a suit
7. Treat his partner like a princess
8. Values family
9. Makes me smile/laugh
10. Wants a monogamist relationship
11. Great Kisser
12. Responsible/Dependable
13. Loves to cuddle
14. Pays attention to detail
15. Knows how to forgive
16. Thinks I’m the last Coca-Cola in the desert
17. Good Communicator
18. Know how to fall in LOVE
19. Shows affection
20. Successful
21. A Leo born between August 13 and August 23
22. At least 5’11” or taller

I know this is a tall order to fill, but I do believe this person exists. So for all interested parties I would like to ask.

Spin , hamster, spin!


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26 thoughts on “The List

  1. centerbound on said:

    I was born during that time, ill BS the rest, what’s her screen name?
    Oh I’ve been meaning to call you privateman I’m going back up to the bay area, changed my pof location, talking to more chicks than I can handle

  2. centerbound on said:

    Nevermind, I can’t fake 5’11”

  3. “Dear [screenname],

    3. Great Lover
    4. Handsome
    11. Great Kisser
    13. Loves to cuddle
    19. Shows affection

    Why don’t I show you these first and we’ll go from there? You can come to my place if you want.”

  4. It’s not that wanting any these things is wrong – it’s that asking for all of them, at the outset no less, is incredibly arrogant. Here’s betting she’s not ready to bring 22 positive characteristics to the table.

    It’s sad to say but I am really coming to the conclusion that there is a whole swath, a very large wedge, of people in society who are simply not fit for relationships at all.

  5. Looking Glass on said:

    What if you can meet 21 of 22 (No Leo here!), but you realize, instantly, from the list that *she* wouldn’t be worth it? The Leo bit is a dead give away to someone that puts stock in Astrology, or at least some stock. That’s not a good sign for commitment, as Astrology is the Fortune-Cookie Religion.

    Also, I wouldn’t do #7 and #16 again, as that turned out disastrously bad. The Red Pill has its uses.

    And, with Badger, she needs to take a chain-saw to her expectations.

  6. anonymous on said:

    These wish lists are just a shit test. Most women put “honest” or “not a liar” at the top of their list. Any guy that cuts through this crap and bags her will tell her what she wants to hear, making him dishonest. A pump and dump can last a night, or several years. But when it happens, the woman puts renewed emphasis on “honest”.

    Smart women marry when they are young and pretty. Those that are posting to PoF or equivalent are advertising that they have a ineffective social circle, and that they cannot connect during their daily affairs. That’s ok, but their wish list should narrow substantially, to something like – has a job, doesn’t drink heavily, etc.

  7. Opus on said:

    I think I feel an inverse rule coming on, which is;

    The more requirements a woman has, the less idea she has about what she really wants.

    The Astrological detail, which – by default – is the one thing we learn about HER ,apart from her solipsism, shows that she is a fairly delusional. It might have been a little more helpful (to her) if she had indicated a preferred age-range and location, but that is not included. What she really means – to misquote Jane Austen – is, that, ‘it is a truth universally acknowledged that a young woman is desirous of marrying a man with a fortune’.

  8. wingman on said:

    Agreed on the Jane Austen quote. As they say, there are no ugly rich men.

  9. 1lettuce on said:

    “16. Thinks I’m the last Coca-Cola in the desert”

    Uh… soda would just make you more dehydrated. So does that mean I should totally ignore this lady?

    • Ms_Fu on said:

      Maybe she is inadvertently implying (inferring?) that she will dehydrate your resources (physical, financial, and otherwise). In other words, RUN!!!

      To Privateman, I don’t know how POF works, but was this woman’s profile viewable. I want to know what she brought to the table.

      • The profile is viewable but I have forgotten her PoF user name.

        That’s most of the profile. She makes no mention of what she offers.

        She is, however, quite attractive from the photos that I remember.

        Basically, she’s only offering her physical appearance.

  10. Rusty on said:

    I was quite impressed today – I recieved a ‘would like to meet’ request from a girl who’s clearly not read my profile (we don’t exactly live nearby), whose profile opened with:

    “MY NEW RULES: You must send me both your plentyoffish roses if you want me to reply… LOL, I am getting too many messages from spammers! LOL! LAST PART IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!” [for those who don’t know, pof allows you to send two ‘virtual roses’ every 30 days, for some reason…]

    Her ideal first date was:
    “romantic dinner with candles at a posh restaurant.”

    What really amazed me was the amount of ‘virtual roses’ she has actually been gifted (a LOT), despite a profile which just screams “I’m only interested in using you as a walking wallet. Now give things to meeeeee!”. Granted, she is VERY good looking (easily a 9), and 18, but I just can’t get over the fact that, in order for her to even CONSIDER talking to you, you have to supplicate and give her something which you can’t replace for a month (even if it is ridiculous). Much like with this list, I find myself thinking ‘what the hell makes you so great to demand this, then?’. Answer, from what she’s written about herself – not all that much.

    • Odysseus on said:

      Her method must be working for her if she has received lots of roses. As long as men allow women to get away with dating abuse, women will continue to dish it out. For every cleared-headed man like you, there are a dozen men who will do anything an attractive woman demands.

      • Rusty on said:

        Hoo-boy, yes there are. And I did used to be one of them. I can imagine getting that message a couple of years ago:

        “Beautiful girl? Clicked on MY profile? Sent ME a WLTM! She must actually like me – otherwise why would she have done that? Both roses? Of course! It’ll show that I’m taking her seriously, and it’ll make her like me more!” *Click*

        Makes me feel very stupid just acknowledging that’s how I would have reacted… Ah well, times change…

  11. If a man had on his profile a similiar check list for women ie 4.) beautiful face 5.) at least a 36″ bust, he would not get a single response.

    This woman will still get responses from horny bad boys.

    Women, on average, are just as superficial than men, if not more so.

  12. Ok men. As a woman who does the online dating thing, now I’m self-conscious about my own profile. I want an honest critique. Here’s what it says. What would your impression be. Don’t pull any punches.

    “I’m a professional, energetic woman who’s looking for an all-around awesome guy. I grew up in a small town in the midwest and have lived in several states and overseas for a while, so I like to think I’m pretty well rounded. Health and fitness are passions of mine, so I hope to share that with someone. And I love to travel, but who doesn’t? I have great friends and family, a career I enjoy, and an overall fulfilling life, minus that one important aspect… love.

    I’m looking for the “it” factor… that thing you can’t describe. Usually when you feel that for someone, they aren’t necessarily what you were looking for, and they might not meet your “checklist”. But they capture your attention and light up your life. I want to meet someone who is my best friend, emotional support, passionate lover, and favorite person all wrapped up together.

    Lastly, but oh-so-important… I’m a glass-is-half-full type and I would like to find the same. Life is too short to focus on the bad days.”

    • Honestly, it doesn’t stand out from the crowd. It’s a generic female profile. I read dozens every day.

      Tell something that is unique to you and perhaps in the form of a quick story.

      Also, we know what you want… but what do you offer in the context of dating and relationships? Are generally a happy, pleasant, non-critical person who is looking to add to a man’s life? Do you look for reasons to accept a man and not simply reasons to reject him?

      Have you read Evan Marc Katz’s blog? You can hit is website from the link/advertisement on the upper right hand side of this very web page. Then click on his blog link. He’s very good. Have the most open of minds and cast aside all the politically correct garbage you have learned in the past.

    • Iain D on said:

      I agree with @ThePrivateMan.

      It’s pretty generic. Until I saw ‘midwest’ I thought I had just read your profile (I’m in Canada). I’ve actually been tempted to sign up to a dating site as a woman just to see what other guys profiles are like (and then do the opposite). In fact, I think I’ll do that tonight.

      Especially if you’re after a serious relationship there has to be a serious effort to differentiate yourself. Even something like expanding on “health and fitness” being your passions. What does that mean? Running? Yoga? Powerlifting? Give me a hook. One of my frustrations when I want to message a woman is finding something to open with that sounds unique. It’s tough when all I’ve got to work with is stuff like “I am hard-working but also know how to have fun. I can be silly but can also put on my serious hat when the time calls for it.” or “I enjoy living a healthy lifestyle, and stay active, and try to eat well, though I also like to let loose and be lazy, and eat bad on occassion.”

      Those were both taken from two women who appeared in my “suggested match” list. I messaged them with a slightly modified cut and paste since I had nothing else to work with.

    • Brian on said:

      Put simply, I’ve had numerous women wink at me on Match with almost the exact same generic profile, and I’ve never bothered to do more than wink back if they’re attractive. As was already mentioned, you really need to include at least a few specific things about you. If you lived overseas, try mentioning which country you liked the most, or a specific city you’d like to go see again.

      I’m amazed at the women that have a profile that essentially says “I love music, movies, going out to eat, and spending time with my friends”….it’s like a window into their soul.

      My experience has been that most women with profiles that generic, both in describing themselves and what they want, really don’t have a clue what they want or who they are, and it’s really not worth my time to waste a couple hours over drinks with them. It’s normal to feel a little awkward being more specific (not “life story” specific, just some details to give a guy an opener), but you’ll get far better results. If you find you’re the type of person who is completely unable to be more specific about yourself, you probably won’t fare very well until you figure out who you are.

  13. Women have a hugely inflated sense of their own value.

    I recall from my experiences in Asia; women there were often grateful for having a boyfriend – any boyfriend. Why? The culture is profoundly materialistic and status-conscious. If a woman isn’t a 9, she feels shitty about herself. If a man isn’t rich, he feels shitty about himself.

    This means that both men and women who weren’t 9s or rich had realistic views of their own SMV.

    Women here spend much of their time alone, when they do, because they’ve disqualified 95% of the men they might mate with. Why? They have grossly inflated self-worth.

    This focus on self-esteem has infected our whole culture. Now, you have fat, boring or uninteresting women who expect men to Bring It.

    Fuck off. You bring it. The vast majority of these women are dull, unattractive (despite claims that everyone is equally attractive – YOU GO GIRL!) and the hypocrisy is galling.

    Men should be all that – but we girls are just sitting in judgment because we’re all so special.

    Womyn like these need to be brought down a peg.

    Online dating is a mug’s game. It exaggerates a woman’s judging capabilities; they sit back and wait for the Mens to come a dancing.

    It’s a fool’s game.

    • Gorbachev is never one to mince words. He’s fundamentally correct about how women over-value themselves and don’t really bring much to the relationship table. Hence, all the forgettable women I have met. They expected me to Bring It but as I have swallowed the red pill, I now expect them to Bring It.

      Normally, online dating is indeed a mug’s game. But for many, many guys, it’s almost the only game in town. This is why I have a system to increase the odds for me. But the biggest weaknesses in online dating – the one click rejection and an endless supply of chumps with horrible profiles sending out hundreds of emails – makes the system fundamentally flawed.

      Here’s an interesting solution to the problem. Quotas for outgoing messages to the opposite sex. Women would have to send out a certain number of messages per month and men would be limited to the number of messages they send out. That’s some interesting online dating economics, right there. Of course, epic fail would be the result.

      • Mark on said:

        Limiting the emails men can send out on internet dating sites would be great. Right now there’s kind of an email arms race between guys. If some other guy is sending out 50 emails a week, then to compete with him I feel I need to do the same thing. I know all these emails are just inflating female egos on these sites because I’ve actually had women brag to me about all the emails they are getting. They think if they get 50 emails there’s actually fifty guys really interested in them, not the truth that the guy probably isn’t any more interested or even less interested in them than the other 49 women he’s emailing. If you limited emails sent by guys, women would get less emails and have a more realistic appraisal of their popularity, they would know the guy emailing them is really interested because he used one of his limited emails on them, and the guy would be better off because when he sends a woman an email he’ll know it’s not just part of a huge flood of emails going into her inbox.

  14. wingman on said:

    Pamela – you sound like a desirable and intelligent person with some confidence and your feet on the ground. Honest critique? What’s said in your profile is fine, but what’s with the “it” factor? Men of experience know the meaning of “it” – alpha male who makes you tingle. You do not need to specify ‘it’ since most of us know well that’s what you’re looking for.

    That’s why game was developed. Alphas are few in number, but with good game, many other dudes can give you that ‘feeling’. The ‘it’ factor is really the same for all women, and gamers know that hitting your emotional triggers (ones you may not know are at work) has a good chance of working.

    Frankly, I find a lot of the angry tone from guys just sour grapes. It’s a free market. Quit your whining already. I personally find intelligent and self-sufficient women attractive (in that sense, ‘strong’ is ok by me). I’ve spent enough time with feminine but needy women to know what a drag they can be. For some of us, a confident woman is attractive –

  15. Odysseus on said:

    Isn’t dating American women generally a fool’s game? Online dating has only made it worse. I would gladly take a homely woman with great character, personality and intelligence over a 10 with the typical American female attitude. Try to find an American woman willing to make that trade off.

  16. American women are the best. They are easy to read.

    As for the “list”, delusional chemical imbalance at it’s finest. Believe it or not, every woman has a list similar to this. The trick is finding the one woman that is less chemically imbalanced than the rest. That is the woman who understands that most of this list isn’t going to exist.

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