The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Online Dating Game And The Delayed Response

I loathe Game in the context of online dating. While I’m fairly good at it, this form of Game is irksome and frustrating for me.

Yet still I persist and yet still I am faced with the absolute necessity of Gaming online.

I have a system. I work it consistently. It works.

A few days ago I sent out a batch of online messages through Plenty of Fish. It yielded one positive response from a nice-looking blond woman who describes herself as thin. Her photos showed a 7 face and perhaps a slender build, perhaps.

Sidebar – My readers will likely note an ongoing theme regarding my preferences for women who are not fat. Finding a woman who isn’t tremendously overweight is very difficult in my age bracket. Fat is the new average and frankly, it worries me. Worse, being overweight is physically sickening to those who have packed on the pounds, men and woman alike. I will put up with quite a lot of emotional and mental bullshit in order to find a slender woman. Yeah, that goes against the tenets of Game but let’s not forget the ol’ boner test. I simply can’t get aroused with women who are too fat. My Johnson ain’t 25 years old anymore.

The response came two days after I sent out that batch of messages. Two days isn’t bad. Sadly, the message was so terse that it resembled a copy and paste job: “LOL you are funny! Nice to meet you Private Man!”

That’s it. She didn’t even bother to give me her name.

So, I had to wait before responding. There is something of a rule regarding the Game of waiting – double the amount of time it took her to respond before a guy should give his response. Make no mistake, it’s a game but with a small G. Women play games with online dating. Men Game with online dating. There is a clear distinction here.

So, this woman plays games by waiting a couple of days before responding. She’s not doing this intentionally. It’s completely natural for women who use online dating. Given her age, 49 – though she’s likely 52 or 53, I strongly suspect that she’s got a “full and rewarding life” filled with a bevy of activities and friends and sees online dating as an afterthought in her life.

So, I wait a couple of days before responding: “The pleasure is mine…but I am at a loss for your name…”

That’s it. Hell, why respond with something longer when she only sends me less than a dozen words?

I see that she has been online several times since I sent that message and I have actually paid a bit of money to PoF so that I can see if my outbound messages have been read. Sure enough, she had read my message within hours of me sending it. Of course, no response from her yet. She’s playing games. She is wired to play games.

But there is some delicious irony here. In her profile, she says the following:

I have numerous “Viewed me” and “wants to meet you” but for some reason, no emails and I got stood up with no im sorry or I was out of the country, washing my hair, whatever you guys say- just nothing and no response to my email.

OK, she sends out lots of emails to the best looking guys and they don’t respond. She’s over-valued herself in the sexual marketplace. That’s common for women. Red pill men know this. The irony is that she admits to it and then can’t quite get her rationalization hamster up to speed. She’s got a shitty hamster.

For all the women who read my blog and play games when online dating by delaying responses, don’t play games, especially if you don’t like when men do the same thing.

If you delay responses, here is what we men are thinking:

  • You’re too busy to actually go on dates
  • You’ve put us on a lower priority because you’re seeking a bigger better deal
  • You’re flaky
  • You’ve over-valued yourself (45 years old is the absolutely latest a woman can behave like this)
  • You’re married, in a long term relationship, or just an attention whore.

If you delay responses, you’re simply not worth the mental energy for us to spend a few minutes writing online messages because there are simply too many other women out there.

A delayed response gets you blocked. You’re done. No second chances. Smart men will just move on.

I did cover this in one of my early posts. I incurred the wrath of a persistent rationalization hamster and hilarity ensued.

I do hope that the red pill dating coaches – Evan Marc Katz to the white courtesy phone – tell women that delaying responses won’t get them any dates.

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27 thoughts on “Online Dating Game And The Delayed Response

  1. Odysseus on said:

    PM, you hit the nail on the head with this post. I just put a profile on POF last night. For the first time ever, I took a smart-ass approach and disqualified in my profile the types of women that do not interest me. I was shocked to get up this morning and find that I had six e-mails and ten expressions of interest.

    The disappointing part is how short the e-mails are. I wrote back to a couple and received short replies that did not really move the conversation forward. What’s up with that? I get the sense that women want to string out this back-and-forth endlessly. I went back to my profile and added to the categories of women who do not interest me “incapable or unwilling to write a substantive message with more than a couple of sentences.”

    Are they slow typists? Do the receive so many messages that they cannot give substantive replies? Are they just attention whores? Are they just not that into me? The lack of face-to face contact online leads to horrendous behavior. Most people would not be this poorly behaved on a date. If they are not interested, why do they continue to send short messages?

    • If you don’t mind, please share some info about yourself:

      1. Your age
      2. Your location (be general)
      3. Your general physical appearance (are ya good lookin’?)
      4. Some sentences from your profile that are causing the most reaction.


      • Odysseus on said:

        1. Age: 50s
        2. Location: small town in the Southeastern US
        3. Physical appearance: great physical shape, especially for a man my age; face is rated a 5-6 when posted online
        4. Women react positively to these lines from my profile, trying to assert that they are also tired of the dating game, but then there’s not much follow up:

        “Let’s cut through the online dating nonsense.

        Do you want someone to make you laugh? Then go to a comedy club.

        Are you tired of playing games? Then stop playing them.

        Do you like the ocean, the mountains and sunsets? Who doesn’t?”

        After trashing the standard lines in women’s profiles, I go on to say the following:

        “Please pass to the next profile if you fall into any of the following categories:
        1. you are dumb as a stump;
        2. you value money and status over a man’s character and the quality of relationships;
        3. you are here for attention and entertainment;
        4. you are unable or unwilling to write substantive messages with more than one or two sentences;
        5. you think the women on “Sex in the City” are role models rather than troll models;
        6 you have been doing this online dating nonsense for more than a year” etc.

        I then go on to list my positives. I have been away from online dating for several years. The above tactic is far more negative than anything I ever attempted before, but I have received more positive responses. I know that #6 is especially harsh, but there are scores of women on POF who were on there when I was last active four years ago. They haven’t even changed their photo or profile.

        My polite profile several years ago generated virtually no interest. The few messages I received then were as short as the greater number of messages I am receiving now. This is still an experiment in progress. I will stay online for only a few months. I don’t want this to become a second job. I mean no disrespect to those who enjoy the dating process, as you seem to do.

      • What is your PoF title? (you can use other words to maintain your anonymity)

        Interesting how your response rate when up. We are in the same demographic so this warrants an experiment.

        Posts coming later

  2. You’ve over-valued yourself (45 years old is the absolutely latest a woman can behave like this


  3. I’m not yet 40, but I have an insight for you guys.

    Most women aren’t funny. They’re able to write super-long profiles about themselves because they’re talking about their favorite subject. All women seek men to impress and direct them. *YOU* are supposed to bring the conversation forward.

    You can’t convince women this is true, without taking all of their letters and putting them in front of her. Even then, many will acuse you of not giving them anything. Then show them your own letters – always leaving an opening, a hanging point, something to comment on.

    of you respond as they do, the interaction goes nowhere. Women are, by and large, less interesting than men.

    You’re projecting what you think “people” should do and be capable based on the only person you really know – yourself. And you’re a man.

    Women are, by and large, quite vapid. There are a few intellectual bright spots – but honest women will admit that they wait for an interesting guy to come along and make them interesting. Women say this all the time: “I love who I am with him.”

    Despite the moans and cries of feminists, by and large, almost every dating dynamic involves the opposite of hollywood movies where the tough, ballsy but vulnerable and interesting chick condescends to the clueless but amiable man. It’s entirely the other way around. It always is.

    The few cases where this isn’t true merely act as exceptions that prove the rule.

    You’re expecting too much from women. Give it up.

  4. Odysseus on said:

    PM, I got up this morning to find 14 new messages in my POF inbox! Four of those were women with whom I had corresponded. There was one rejection from a very attractive women (two years older than I am) who wrote, “We have nothing in common.” That’s okay with me. She is not very well educated, and intelligence matters to me.

    I am having a substantive correspondence with a professional woman. She’s nice looking, a little bit overweight, but smart, witty and interesting. She says she really likes my profile, and I can tell she has a quirky, off-beat sense of humor.

    I added something in my “first date” section of POF: “I will treat you on your birthday, and I will allow you to treat me on mine. Otherwise, the rule is Dutch treat. If you want access to an ATM, go to your own bank.” Two women whom I had not contacted wrote to me to object to that statement! At this point I can make a generalization: Attractive, uneducated women object most to that statement, while slightly less attractive but well educated women have no problem with it.

    I am a generous soul. I give more than 10% of my income to charity. I have always paid for dates in the past and have been generous in my gifts. I want to frighten off the type of women who have taken advantage of a man’s generosity.

    As I said before, this is only an experiment. I will not continue it for a long time because I hate the whole process. I have too many other more interesting and rewarding things going on in my life. I would rather be single than be in a bad relationship.

    Best to you in your quest. I am following it with great interest. It’s interesting to me that a younger man with better social skills also finds dating a time-consuming challenge.

  5. Odysseus on said:

    PM, I’m back to report that my little online experiment with a qualifying list was a bust. I was misled by the first 72 hours when I had a burst of positive responses — far more activity than I had received in a year of my nice guy profile. The activity quickly dropped off. By the way, all my outgoing messages were extremely cordial and polite and did not have the bad ass tone of my profile.

    A few women wrote to object to my qualifiers. Some women initiated positive contact, but they were either undesirable or did not respond to my reply. Perhaps they went back and read my profile more carefully. I also wonder if some of those initial responses were fake — a way of suckering in a new member to the paid features. There was something suspiciously general about some of those unsolicited contacts.

    There were two women with whom I exchanged a number of pleasant messages — wihout significant delay time! — but they mysteriously disappeared after I suggested a meeting. One was the professional I mentioned previously. Another was a school teacher who initiated contact with me. She lives very close to me, writes literate messages, and has similar interests. Here’s the catch: She did not post a photo. She said the school district has instituted strict prohibitions about teachers’ online behavior, and she fears that one of her students would recognize her. She is clearly knowledgeable about physical fitness, and so I don’t think she is fat. I took the risk in continuing to correspond, but she also disappeared after I suggested a meeting.

    My initial success this time — as compared to my nice guy profile several years ago — may not have been due to my qualifiers. Perhaps there are simply more people on PoF now than there were four years ago. Perhaps PoF is sending fake messages. My photo this time had slightly better lighting, even though I look older. The marginally better photo may have made the difference. I also listed more interests.

    I have come to appreciate your system a little bit more, but I still think it’s too time-consuming for me. Dating should not be this difficult for a man.

    I am off to Europe for a month. I wish I had a woman who shared my love of European art, history, and languages. That’s okay. I always love travel by myself as well.

    Best of luck in your search, PM.

  6. Pingback: Linkage is Good for You: Vacations Are Also Good for You Edition

  7. “For all the women who read my blog and play games when online dating by delaying responses, don’t play games, especially if you don’t like when men do the same thing”

    Good point.

  8. awkward chick on said:

    I delay responses because, at the time of receiving them, I am too tired or uninspired to craft a reply. This is especially true if I find the sender attractive. I get all flustered in front of my computer screen and I can’t think of anything worth saying. So I postpone until I can come up with an intelligent and thoughtful reply. Usually the next day.

    I don’t consider it playing games. I’d categorize it under my typical shyness. If the guy talking to me is hot and intelligent, I’m pretty much useless. If I can get a couple of words out without stuttering or drooling, I’d say it’s a good encounter.

    This post is quite enlightening. From now on I will simply type out whatever brainless stuttering drivel springs from my mind first.

    • The next day is fine. More than a day is the hallmark of what I described in the post. If the guy is attractive to you he is likely attractive to most women and therefore has options. Act quickly but not hastily.

  9. LoubiePrincess on said:

    So what does it mean when the man does this or doesn’t respond at all?

  10. LoubiePrincess on said:

    So men don’t delay their responses? I sent a message to a person this morning on POF and he has not responded, yet he has been online several times today. I guess I don’t understand men. Wouldn’t it just be easier to say not interested?

    • You’re new at this so I understand your confusion. Remember that online dating is an economic marketplace where attractiveness is the value. It’s called the Sexual Market Place (SMP) in the Manosphere.

      You’re sending out a message to a man who is attractive and interesting. He’s likely getting lots of messages from women. Your value in the SMP isn’t high enough for him to send a response quickly.

      • LoubiePrincess on said:

        I guess the truth hurts. Thanks for replying.

      • Real truths usually hurt.

        You have two options:

        1. Drop out of the dating game. I hear this all the time from women. That’s weak.

        2. Woman up and work on your feminine attractiveness – body, mind, and attitude.

        Don’t drop your standards, neither you nor the man you end up dating will appreciate it. Rather, raise your value to men (option 2).

  11. “By the way, all my outgoing messages were extremely cordial and polite and did not have the bad ass tone of my profile.”

    I know nothing about Game. But if I put out a sign that says “I got raspberry”, and then when you walk in the shop all I have is lime, neither the people that want raspberry nor the people that want lime are going to wind up buying anything. Lime people will not even walk in the door, and raspberry people, once they find out what I am really selling, will leave.

  12. What if , as a woman, you responded promptly the first time he sends you an email and he took a few days after that to get back to you? Why on earth would I give him more consideration than he gave me? especially if this is a re-occurring thing?

    • And you shouldn’t. Such a delay indicates lack of interest or he’s has plenty of other options. But for a man it’s challenging. A daily email may seem desperate to some women and aloof to others.

      The reason I give this advice is to ensure a guy doesn’t overdo it regards to staying in touch. A delayed response from the woman shows that she is not interested enough, is too busy (to even have a dating life), or is consciously playing a game. Quite honestly, a man needs to have several women lined up for dates because of the games and flakiness shown by women (usually of the younger and/or prettier variety).

  13. I’m sorry, I don’t understand something. You said that she waited before responding to your email with a generic one, so you delayed your response. Are you saying its okay to play games if you perceive the other person is playing them first? Or was that part of your experiment? Is it possible that she just responded to other people she thought were better matched for her before she got around to your email?

  14. JustSayin on said:

    Also, I would just like to chime in as a woman and say that sometimes I don’t reply to a message immediately because I want to think about it. This is especially true if I’m really interested in the other person.
    And I know, I know — you expect that a woman be intelligent enough to not have to think for a few hours about a few sentence long quip or simple reply. However, you might want to consider that this may be due to inexperience in online dating. It’s a pretty socially unnatural activity, if you think about it, and when you don’t do it often it’s hard to tell what the conventions are without having the sort of immediate feedback you’d have in a face to face interaction.
    (i.e. should I actually describe the topic of my dissertation when he asks about it — which can be a pretty lengthy process due to all of the science terms — or am I trying to just push the conversation ahead? If I give too short of an answer will it make him feel like he’s pulling information out of me? If it’s too long will it pull the conversation away from being flirty and quippy? Am I being boring; if I try cut it short and not make it boring do I seem vapid and uninterested in what I do?)

  15. cher on said:

    Hey, its not just women that play this game.

  16. What about men who delay responses? They say they’ll get back to you but then nothing after a week. And the conversation was great, intelligent and insightful. I know he’s been looking at my profile because I get an email every time someone looks at my profile. But I want to respect his boundaries, if he says he’ll get back to me, then I take that literally. I don’t play games and I am not one to wait either. I’m 29, blonde, slim, I have two masters degrees and I work at a university. So what’s the deal there?

    • Men worry that if they appear too available, especially to someone with a high dating market value like yourself, that you’ll lose interest and pick a guy who seems to have a huge social schedule and job/interesting life to manage. Men learn that women don’t like guys who are too available, but men (and I’ve made this mistake), will often overdo giving a sense of personal value.

  17. Pingback: Online Dating Reply Time – Singles Date Match

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