The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “June 9, 2011”

A Red Pill Dating Coach?

Last week I posted on a couple of dating coaches. One of them, Evan Marc Katz , has really piqued my interest. I signed up for his free newsletter under a female name and I have been receiving lots of emails from him. Email marketing is all the rage and Evan is certainly using it. Based on the information on his website, Katz’s primary client base is professional women over 35. He caters to the “smart, strong, successful women”. Those are his words in quotes, not mine.

As I have been plowing through his website, his blog, and his videos available on Youtube. For the most part, he’s telling the ladies to be more respectful and considerate to men and not be so blindingly picky. He’s certainly aware of Game and he flirts with the concept of hypergamy while not actually using the word.

Here are some lines from his latest email:

Any man who has made your knees weak throughout your entire life is NOT your future husband and is NOT going to be with you ‘til the day you’re gone.

Which is why I can say, with great confidence, that having that “feeling” on the first date is not a very good predictor of your future.

That feeling is just a feeling – and it’s quite a misleading one, don’t you think?

Your excitement in his presence masked a whole ton of flaws and incompatibilities that you were willing to tolerate – all in the name of chemistry.

That’s some serious red pill stuff, right there. Denizens of the Manosphere will immediately recognize what he describes as the “‘gina tingle”. Katz is just using different and more commonly accepted term outside the Manosphere: “chemistry”

Another email from Katz is almost revolutionary in regards to advice to his clients and potential clients:

So what does it take to have a partner treat you like royalty?

Simple.

Treat your partner like royalty every single day. [Aunt Haley, please take note]

Impossible, you say. You can’t make a partner be as thoughtful and generous as you.

Ah, but you can.

Treat a guy well and he’s not going to go anywhere. [Misandrists, please take note]

While he is pushing his book sales, he’s definitely in red pill territory. He continues in that email:

By being a more supportive and accepting girlfriend, you actually bring a better side out in your man. That’s right.

Most men are used to women telling us what’s wrong with us. When we find someone who accentuates the positive and ignores the negative, we feel like a million bucks.

Women pay this guy big bucks for stuff that is simple common sense in the Manosphere. On his book page I found this startling bit of marketing copy about the mistakes women make that make men disappear:

Mistake #1: Believing That What Attracts Him to You is the Same Thing You Find Attractive in Him

What you’re looking for in a man is NOT what he’s looking for in a woman.

* He doesn’t care if you’re smarter than he is.
* He doesn’t care what you do for a living or if you have a healthy bank account.
* He doesn’t care if you’re cultured and well-traveled and sophisticated about the finer things.

Thus, your strongest traits – your intelligence, your success, your independence, your drive – don’t matter as much to him. He wants what he can’t get from his male friends.

I want to re-iterate this point: women pay him for this advice. Katz is using basic Manosphere dating and relationship wisdom to make money from women. Here is an important point: It doesn’t matter if he learned his wisdom on his own or spent countless hours in the Manosphere, Evan Mark Katz is doing more to advance Manosphere concepts of dating and relationships than any blog (including mine) or PUA bootcamp. He’s bringing those concepts directly to women (and they pay him for that, holy crap!).

But wait, there’s more from Katz on the same book page:

Men win you over by giving to you. We ask you out. We call you. We pay for dates. We initiate sex. We ask for commitment. We propose marriage. We give. You receive. Reverse this order by asking him out, initiating sex, asking for commitment, or proposing marriage, and a masculine guy will feel, well, emasculated. Thus, if you want a masculine guy, your greatest move is to embrace your passive feminine side.

The masculine attracts the feminine and the feminine attracts the masculine. How basic is that? Too much so for two generations of women who have voluntarily transformed themselves with masculine behaviors and attitudes.

As an aside, he’s got some videos to watch and those are quite good. His video messages are much the same as he presents on his website.

I’m not going to put this guy on a pedestal because I do take serious umbrage of his description of men who use Game. In his Writing page, he comments on the Neil Strauss book, The Game:

Distasteful though it might be, this bestseller is an amazingly well-told story about a society of pick-up artists and how they manage to manipulate and seduce women. If you want a good read – closer to a novel than a self-help book – you’ll marvel at how shy, nerdy guys, armed with information, quickly turn into toxic players. A great look inside the insecure male mind.

I don’t doubt the shy, nerdy guys part. But the insecure part is simple shaming language that is the standard refrain for those who lack an understanding of Game and its practitioners. Hopefully, Katz will read Athol Kay’s book to gain a whole new appreciation for Game in the context of a committed relationship.

The only flaw in his approach is to encourage the woman to think of herself as the prize and that men are lucky to have her. I understand this approach (saw it on one of his videos) because that’s what women want to hear and he’s a businessman who understands his market. Yet it still reinforces the entitlement attitude in women and outside of a business like Katz’s, should never be done.

It’s worth checking out his blog  where quite a few women commenters resort to misandry and feminist ideology to rationalize away the real need for honest introspection and self-improvement. Note: Let’s not get all Manosphere aggressive on his blog. Dating coaches like this are on the vanguard of attitude change and he needs to be considered a friend of the Manosphere.

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