The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “June 3, 2011”

A Most Epic Of Essays

It started with my post here. (You need to read this)

Aunt Haley responded here. (And you need to read this, too)

In the comments responding to Aunt Haley’s post, Detinennui32 presented the following extraordinary essay:

Let’s turn Aunt Haley’s essay around and view it through men’s prisms.

“It’s remarkable but I wonder how many men resist or completely reject such female advice [to commit to or marry a woman] because of manosphere grounds (“women are self-absorbed overgrown children who don’t love us and use us anyway”) or their own sense of self-preservation causes them to stick their heads in the sand.”

The answer is: a lot.

The reason that men resist and reject (mostly female and feminist) advice to invest in, commit to and marry woman is basically an issue of self-preservation. You wouldn’t know it from reading sites like DateMeDC or HaleysHalo, but women, especially if young and good looking, get the majority of perks in the sexual marketplace. They get the best, wealthiest, most powerful men. They persuade and manipulate those men into spending obscene amounts of money on them. They sex up those men with full pornstar treatment while carelessly laughing at betas who truly love them. They get perks like trips, meals, gifts, clothes, entertainment, and drinks — all completely free, without spending a dime.

These young, good looking women get to do anything they want, say anything they want, anytime they want, anywhere they want and receive very little judgment for it. The alphas don’t care because if they get tired of her, she’s history. The betas say nothing in the hopes that she’ll give them a dopple of attention someday. These women fully know all of this, of course, and keep the betas stringing along. They have beta orbiters waiting in the wings to step in when they are kicked off the alpha carousel.

Then, when they’ve hit the wall and they can’t pull alphas anymore, they are usually able to reel in a beta provider to support them, father their spoiled brat cuckolded children, and finance their houses, cars and bling. When she’s sick of beta, she tosses him aside while expecting the endless money supply to continue, enforced by the court system.

Meanwhile, men are expected to shut up, get their fat asses back to work, bring home that paycheck, take Entitled Princess out for her weekly dinner and movie date, and never do anything to stand up to her fitness tests for fear that she’ll leave him.

Given these circumstances, it’s pretty easy to see why a modern man balks at investing in, committing to or marrying today’s woman. In his mind, she already has the world’s oyster in her palm (and it was placed there by feminism). Giving her MORE deference, MORE investment, MORE money/gifts/perks and MORE time is only going to inflate her ego (and sense of self-entitlement and wildly inflated view of her own SMV) even more than it already is and make her feel even more entitled to the things society has already given her. And what, exactly, has this woman done to earn any of these things other than be born with a vagina? Furthermore, if a man invests in, commits to or marries today’s woman, she will just take him for granted and feel she has the ability to make unqualified demands as well as the right not to be of any help to the man. Men can’t see how treating a woman well (i.e., like a cherished part of his life or even as a wife) for no reason other than that she is a woman can result in anything good for themselves.

Additionally, every man either has a friend or knows somebody who got an entitled princess girlfriend and then turned into an average frustrated chump who does everything she asks him to do and she still treats him like dirt, spends all his money, makes unreasonable demands on his time, and when it isn’t enough she gives him no physical attention whatsoever. And the friend will insist that he has to stay with her because he has no other options. No sane man wants this to happen to him or be seen as weak and controllable, so that’s another reason that men tend to be resistant to giving women what they say they want (because what women say they want, and what they actually want, are very often two quite different and mutually exclusive things).

Some of this attitude stems from male polyamory. Men want sex all the time from most women. But men know that most women find only a few men even remotely attractive. Men also know that the “alpha male” who most women want comprises a small percentage of the male population. So most men are considered beta and totally invisible to most women. Men know that all of this severely limits their options. Add to this their 5-10% approach success rate (i.e. 90 to 95% of approaches result in flat out rejection) and their options constrict even more.

A man knows his woman is hypergamous and in many cases she will have no compunction about straying if she perceives her man as lower value than another interested prospect. A man could treat such a woman as a queen/princess, and he still runs the risk of her cheating/cuckolding. So in a defensive measure, the man will do what he thinks will shore up his power (refuse to invest, date casually, neg, be aloof) and thus deny her what she wants or what she thinks she is entitled to (undivided attention, being lavished with gifts and perks all while doling out sex when she feels like it). Then the woman won’t feel quite so secure about walking all over him because she knows if she does, he’ll walk and find another more agreeable woman. And if this happens enough times to her, it’s off the carousel and to Feline City.

Another reason is the American culture of trash celebrity worship, where we take pride in learning about do-nothing celebutards who could not think their way out of wet paper sacks and much American lore is centered around women who Can’t Do Anything For Themselves, as opposed to getting something because of your female body parts. This attitude extends to mating, as well. It’s hard for men to realize that everything their ignorant, feminist parents and others taught them about how the world works apparently doesn’t work at all in romantic male/female relationships, and it’s not like any major media is out there promoting the red pill truth, anyway.

(It IS kind of ironic, though, that women who will complain incessantly that “I Just want a Nice Guy who will Treat Me Right” will never actually be happy when several such men in perfect succession fall into their laps. And they’re not happy because they are beta providers, not alpha males.)

I can hear the cries rising up from the “I am woman, hear me roar” contingent already, so let me be clear that YES, a lot of this modern male attitude is a response to feminism and hypergamy and WAH WAH WAH I JUST WANT A NICE GUY WHO WILL TREAT ME RIGHT ALL YOU MALE CHAUVINIST PIGS CARE ABOUT IS SEX THEY DISRESPECT AND USE US COMMITMENTPHOBIA WAHHHHH YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT OUR MINDS CAREERS JOBS WANTS NEEDS DESIRES ORGASM PUMP & DUMP INSENSITIVE UNCARING EMOTIONAL RETARDS WAHHHHHHH. But at the same time, men instinctively don’t want to dish out investment, money, time, commitment and marriage to women who act like sluts, behave like entitled princesses, spend them into bankruptcy, and who will simply leave them when they think something better has come along or because “I’m bored” — all while expecting us to wait for the sloppy seconds until after they’ve had their fun on the carousel. Sorry, Princess Paula. And sorry, Slutty Samantha. And sorry, Career Girl Carrie. And sorry, Blingy Brenda. A lot of times men see women as overgrown children who seem barely able to take care of themselves. They live in fantasy worlds created by themselves and their BFFs. They think getting married is equivalent to being married all while treating their men like dirt and always on the lookout to trade him in. They would rather spend $1000 on a Louis Vuitton handbag than give their man an encouraging word or a simple, heartfelt “I love you” at the end of a long day at work. And men think to themselves, “I’m working a full-time job and still living respectably, but I’m supposed to tell this girl how wonderful she is and drop $200 on her at Chez Paul?!?

So what is the solution? It’s not castigating men and screeching that everything is their fault. (See: Dr. Helen, Badgerhut, and until June 2, HaleysHalo.) Explanations of the differences between what motivates men and what motivates women are all fine and good, but you can’t undo a couple of generations of feminist dogma raised to a level of canonical faith to go bye-bye with a few sarcastic zingers and female complaining. Demonstrating attractive female characteristics like chastity, femininity, pleasantness, pleasing physical appearance and cheerfulness is the best way to go, especially if done with confidence and good humor. Femininity is irresistible, so show some femininity and men will gladly open their hearts, homes and checkbooks. (If they don’t, you might have wildly unrealistic expectations. Best to get a reality check in that case.)

Detinennui32 is an astoundingly good essayist and his keen cultural observations are worthy of his own blog. Of course, I would he rather be a contributor to my blog. That’s a hint, Detinennui32

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